Me (M34) and fiancee (F27), I am in the process of calling a halt to our wedding as she has asked for an “open” relationship.

A 34-year-old man is grappling with a major issue in his relationship with his 27-year-old fiancée. After several months of feeling distant, his fiancée recently proposed the idea of an “open relationship,” inspired by her friends, to which he strongly disagrees.

This comes on the heels of a past emotional affair she had before their engagement. Now, as their wedding looms, he’s seriously considering calling off the relationship altogether. Read on to see how he’s navigating this difficult situation and seeking advice.

‘ Me (M34) and fiancee (F27), I am in the process of calling a halt to our wedding as she has asked for an “open” relationship.’

Alright folks where to start, this one is tough to type and the paws are shaking as I’m doing it. As it says in the title, me and my fiancee (ex?) are 34 and 27 respectively, have been together for nearly four years overall and are a year engaged.

I’ll be totally honest here, just before we got engaged she had an emotional affair with a bloke that she worked with (I only found out because one of her friend’s BF contacted me and said that he overheard the friendgroup discussing it). I confronted her at the time, and after a good bit of arguing and hassle, we came to an agreement to let it go.

I’ll be totally honest in saying that I’m still slightly in the process of getting over that particular incident, and it discoloured my view of her. I manned up, moved on and proposed (which I had planned on doing anyway). This is just to give an overall context here and indeed to let it be known that there has been issues in the past.

Fast forward to recent time. We are due married in November (travelling abroad for it with family), and back around october she started acting a bit odd. Distant, not herself, away with the fairies. Even stopped h*ving s**, which was very strange. I put it down to stress around organising the wedding, and the fact that we had moved flat.

Forward to Christmas time, and now things are coming to a head. I confronted her straight up, and she set out that she was sorry, has just been stressed. I was very considerate, and tried to help her through it.. ​ However, it basically continued on ebbing and flowing throughout the next two months, up to yesterday.

I arrived in from work last night, and she says that she wants to talk. The vibe was bad guys, I could tell. We sat down and she set out that she had been reading, and that she wasn’t having second thoughts about the marriage, but the ‘nature’ of our relationship.

At this rate I was getting a bit agitated, and demanded that she come out with what the bloody hell she meant. Basically, a few of her friends had back in October (the times matched up) conveyed to her the idea of an “open relationship”………..basically they stay with their blokes and have one night stands on nights out if they fancy.

I’ll be honest, the idea made me ill. I said this to her, and she asked to be heard out. Pulled out some online blog post by a blogger who had a husband and live-in boyfriend……..I got half way through and told her enough of this nonsense. I wouldn’t consider myself old-fashioned,

but a wife or fiancee bonking other men will never be in fashion, not in my world anyway. We got into a fight, and in the end she was begging me to give it a chance and that nothing is set in stone. I basically said that I needed some headspace, and that I’d spend the weekend at my mates. It was quick after that, and I left without a fuss.

I’m typing this on my mates laptop, and am in a bad mental way atm. I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off, both relationship and wedding. I suppose if anyone has been in a similar place I could do with some advice. ​

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

mumibee −  This is a dealbreaker. You don’t want an open relationship and she does. There is no in between. Don’t marrt her. If she wants multiple relationships she’ll seek then extramaritally anyway. Don’t allow yourself that level of hurt when you can see it coming.

[Reddit User] −  It sounds to me like she has already cheated and is trying to have you retroactively validate it. If she is saying all this before the wedding, I’d halt the wedding in my opinion. The last thing you want is for all this to blow up after you have legally tied yourself up.

alchemisting −  Sounds like she already opened up the relationship, she just didn’t wait for you to OK it.

[Reddit User] −  She hasn’t stopped her affair with her coworker, FYI. You can’t run from this fast enough.

1threadkiller1 −  Friend, you are already in an open relationship. That was her way of telling you. You need to leave her immediately. Be very thankful that she did not keep you in the dark until after you were married. It sucks, but you now know she isn’t the one.

yeahnotmymainaccount −  She quit having s** *with you*. She stopped f**king you because she found someone else. She might or might not have had s** with someone else last fall, but at a minimum she emotionally invested in another man and wanted to save herself for him.

It is very possible that she has already physically cheated on you. Her friends are toxic waste. She has told you several times what sort of person she is and you should listen and believe her before you end up married to someone who is going to break your heart.

aussielander −  she wasn’t having second thoughts about the marriage, but the ‘nature’ of our relationship. Wants the safety net of a relationship and f**k other guys.
I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off, both relationship and wedding. Why havent you already called it off? Look on the bright side she could have waited until after the wedding to s**t on you.

Adk318 −  So, here’s what you do. Have the conversation with her about it. Act like you’re on the fence, and willing to talk about it, and somewhat intrigued. When she gets done with her first pitch, ask questions like, “so you’d be cool with me hooking up with other girls?”, and “if she’d even like it?”

Then, without sounding like the question is loaded with an angry emotion to follow, ask if she’s hooked up. You need to ask in a way that seems like the answer would he amusing, and nothing more.. Bet she says yes. M**ipulative?…. Absolutely. But it sounds like this s**t show of a relationship is over anyways, might as well end it with another bullet in your gun. (Figuratively)

applelark −  Do not get married. This isn’t just about an open relationship, this her way of communicating that she isn’t completely happy in the relationship but is willing to compromise by full filling her needs with someone else. She’s already sought out another person in the past and that went poorly because of the deception.

She now wants to do it openly and with permission. Break off the engagement now before it’s too late. She may back track and pretend for awhile things are okay to make you stay but eventually her unhappiness will lead her to cheating.

She doesn’t want the marriage and it’s clear, but she wants to maintain the comfortable life she created with you. I bet if she could main the same lifestyle without you, she would have ended the relationship already.

jjhova36 −  I have this suspicion that she is cheating or has cheated and is seeking retroactive approval. You should reconsider your engagement and relationship