Me [52M] just found out at least 4 of my 5 children [33F][30F][28M][24F][14F] are not mine. Wife [51F] wont say anything.

A Redditor (52M) discovers that at least four of his five children—aged 33F, 30F, 28M, 24F, and 14F—are not biologically his, after his eldest daughter revealed the results of an ancestry test that suggested he wasn’t her father.

After conducting official paternity tests, it is confirmed that none of the children are his biological children, with multiple fathers involved. Despite confronting his wife (51F).

She denies the results, dismisses his concerns, and guilt trips him, refusing to acknowledge her infidelity. The Redditor is heartbroken, questioning how to move forward. Read the original story below.

‘ Me [52M] just found out at least 4 of my 5 children [33F][30F][28M][24F][14F] are not mine. Wife [51F] wont say anything.?’

I met my wife when we were in highschool and we married in college. We have 5 beautiful children together – really, I consider them a total blessing regardless of what I’m about to bring up – and up until a couple of weeks ago I thought that we had the perfect marriage.

We were typical highschool sweet hearts, we go out together, we never fight, I feel like I’ve done everything a loving husband should do. I am saying this not to make myself out as the perfect husband, for example my work has always meant I work long hours and maybe haven’t always been there when she needed me,

but I want to stress that I’ve never felt our marriage was in any trouble. And never in a million years would I ever have suspected my wife of being disloyal – she’s always done everything she could to support me and take care of our children.

Now, my eldest daughter recently had an ancestry test done. And the results of the ancestry test strongly suggested I was not her father. She confided this to me privately, showing me the results and I could tell she was visibly upset by this.

Of course, the first thing I did was reassure her that no matter what, she’s my daughter and I’ll always love her unconditionally. But secondly, the two of us decided to get an official paternity test since the ancestry tests are not completely reliable. It comes back and I am indeed not her biological father.

This news really broke me. I’m ashamed to say I broke down in tears in front of my daughter. The combination of finding out about my wife’s infidelity and how upset I was making my daughter by how I was reacting. I really wish I had kept it in for her sake, but I didn’t.

Following this I asked my other children, except my youngest, to come and see me. I wanted to know the extent of my wife’s infidelity – if it was a one off, I could maybe work past it, especially given how long ago it would be. However I didn’t want to tell my youngest as she is still in school, a teenager, and really I didn’t think it was appropriate to tell her yet.

We tell the other three what has happened, I reassure them that I love them unconditionally and that I’ll always be there dad, but that I need to know how long this has been going on. God, I can’t begin to explain how touching their reaction was.

They didn’t care I wasn’t their biological father, they were just upset at how heart broken I was. I feel like the only thing that has kept me going these last couple of weeks is their unwavering support. So we have paternity tests for each of the three done.

Not only are none of them my biological children, together four of my children have three different fathers. Which somehow made it worse. It’s like, she wasn’t just having an ongoing affair, she was having multiple? I can’t explain how this make it worse, but it just does.

So I confront my wife with this, expecting her to confess and beg for forgiveness. She doesn’t confess. She doesn’t even take it seriously. She says the tests must be flawed. All four? How the hell am I supposed to take that seriously?

I keep bringing it up and she keeps brushing it off, getting progressively more annoyed at me. When I bring it up she will try and guilt trip me. “We’ve been together since highschool, do you seriously not trust me?” etc. But how am I supposed to trust her in the face of such overwhelming evidence?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Thenightisyoungish −  You need to consult a lawyer ASAP.

JustJanexoxo −  Ok wow, im sorry. She refuses to address the situation? Have your children all confront her at once … Intervention style

[Reddit User] −  Hi. I’m really sorry to hear this. What a brutal and cold way to find something like that out. And for her to lie continuously is unbelievable. It’s deplorable. I wanted to try to answer your questions.

1. It sounds like you handled this like a champ and spoke to your kids before and after about how much this didn’t affect your relationship or love. Just keep that up. They will need you. You will need them.

2. Your youngest will have questions and it’s up to you when she’s ready to hear the truth. This one sucks but you seem like an amazing dad and if your wife decides to lie, you may have to take her s**t for awhile for your child’s sake. Your other kids may defend you. The truth may come out.

3. It would be a No from me unless she immediately confesses entirely and takes responsibility and apologizes. And agrees to therapy, both individual and couples. For me, I would need full access to her phones, her emails, everything. She’s still lying to you right now with actual DNA proof in your hands…that’s b**lshit.

Anything else, just ask. I would leave. She had multiple affairs and multiple children with multiple men and can’t even own it when caught. But I never want to be like that person who just says leave. It’s a lot. There’s a lot we don’t know. This is your life.

lindsanity56 −  I have a 14 year old daughter and believe me they know when something is up. She will be extremely upset that she was the only one left out if you don’t tell her. So sorry you are going through this but so I have so much respect for you for never leaving those kids. You are their father no matter what. Thank you for the silver kind stranger!!

istara −  This is a really odd situation. For her to have FIVE kids all the result of different affairs, with you having had no suspicions, it’s strange. I do notice from the ages that you were both teenagers when your first child was born and I’m guessing it was a rather quick/shotgun wedding?

It’s possible she married you out of panic, having got pregnant and not knowing what to do (or even who the father was?) I think you probably need to start going over your calendars and try to work out what was going on around their conceptions (eg were you on a business trip? Was your wife away?)

If you were both s**ually active all these years, it’s a bit odd that at least one kid didn’t turn out to be yours. I think it’s also worth going for a fertility check up yourself.

Then I think you need to go with your wife, sit before a geneticist, and have them spell out the fact that she did not conceive these children with you. That may be sufficient for her to finally admit what did happen. I don’t see how you can continue your marriage with this level of doubt and mystery.

TexFiend −  I wouldn’t worry about trying to save the marriage. If she’s still lying to you, in the face of overwhelming evidence, then there’s nothing left to save. Talk to a lawyer about how to start the divorce process, and follow their advice to the letter.

Sit your youngest down and have an age-appropriate conversation with her. Tell her that you and her mother will be getting a divorce. That it turns out that the other kids aren’t your biological kids. That you still love them and are still their father, but you won’t be able to stay married to their mother.

That she can have a DNA test done as well if she wants. But that she doesn’t have to – you’ll love her, and she’ll be your daughter either way. She also doesn’t have to decide that right now. Then take it one step at a time. Sort out the logistics of leaving, find yourself a new place and get yourself set up.

From there, I’d start looking at ways to maintain your relationship with all of your children. With the youngest, make sure to get as much custody as you can (even full custody if that’s possible). For all of the children, try to come up with some traditions that everyone could enjoy.

Maybe they all come over for dinner at your house once a month. Maybe there’s a standing invitation for any of them to come over for Sunday lunch. Maybe you get together every so often and try something new together (pottery/kayaking/rock-climbing etc). Whatever will work with everyone’s schedules.

Make sure you keep in touch with each of them individually as well. Ask about how their lives are going. Offer to help them with projects they’re doing – especially around the home. Be good to them and to yourself. And never badmouth their mother.

I don’t think you would, from what you’ve written, but try never to set them up in opposition to her. Or that they can’t see her/treat her well if they want you to like them. You’ll be co-parenting with your soon-to-be-ex for the next several years, so make sure that’s as easy as possible for everyone concerned.

FatherOfDuty852 −  1) You have already spoken to your older kids assured them that you will continue to be their father. Follow through with action. 2) Your younger daughter is 14. She would understand the concept of a DNA test. Besides, your older kids would support you. Your wife can say whatever she wants, she cannot keep her lies wrapped up.

3) No, you should not spend anytime with your wife. You need to lawyer up and divorce her. It might hurt now, but you will feel better down the road either alone or with a new partner. At least you do not have to live a lie with this woman anymore.

sikocilla −  I don’t want to give you any false hope because it’s extremely rare, but there have been cases of paternal chimerism where the father doesn’t match the child due to a genetic anomaly causing mixed DNA in the father.

Hanh2 −  I’m not going to straight out say divorce her. Divorce is a very serious and big topic to touch upon. But I’m also not going to sugar coat things and say stay with her. I would like to point out that like you said those tests are accurate. They are very rarely wrong.

And the fact she doesn’t even want to talk about it or apologize or even confess has to make you wonder if she’s cheating on you now.
I’d go get tested. Even if it was in the past, it’s possible she’s still cheating on you now. Stay safe. Document things. This might save you later. Your child is 14.

It’s a hard conversation to have but if you feel she’s at an age where she’s mature enough to handle the situation, you need to be the one to tell her and explain to her. Maybe even have a favorite sibling (if she has one) come along. It’s much better that she knows the truth with evidence than her mom twists the truth around and brainwash her.

If you do go with divorce, the reason I say document is custody battles for kids. I don’t know how she’ll react but what if she tries to file for full custody of your youngest? DOCUMENT.

It’s really up to you whether or not you either want to 1) forget all about this but live a life with her knowing she’s cheated on you multiple times with little to no remorse apparently 2) confront her until she confesses but possibly still stay with her in a possibly broken marriage 3) maybe couples counseling if you’re really up for it 4) divorce

I’m going to be real here. I hope you don’t stay with her because you feel like you’re too old to move on with your life. You are never ever too old for anything. You shouldn’t settle for someone who obviously cared (possibly cares) very little for your feelings and wellbeing.

You deserve more. You are not responsible for your wife or her despicable affairs. She chose what she chose to do and that is not your fault. She did this to herself. Staying in an unhappy and broken relationship because you feel like you’ve invested so much into it is not the answer.

It will hurt you in the long run and you won’t be happy and you deserve so much more. Right now your priority isn’t her but you and your kids who from the sound of it, know you love them which shows you’re an amazing parent already.

Just keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t let that mindset that because you spent half of your life with her means you’re stuck with her forever because you’re not. You’re not too old to go out and explore or find someone new or just live life. Do what you think is the best for you.

kifferella −  I just wanna say if I was your kid and you found out in front of me that I wasnt biologically yours and you DIDNT cry, I would feel hurt and confused.

You being distraught wouldnt have meant to me that the only thing you valued was my genetic connection to me, just that you loved me so much you were distraught to find this out. Distraught is what I would have expected to see.

How do you think the Redditor should handle his wife’s denial and the broken trust in their marriage? Should he continue trying to get answers or begin focusing on rebuilding his life separately? Share your thoughts below!