Me [34/f] and my husband [39/m] cannot agree on what constitutes acceptable behaviour now we’re married [5 years] with a child [3]. Unbiased input needed!?

A 34-year-old woman is frustrated with her husband, 39, for getting drunk the night before a family event they had planned, leaving her to call in her father to step in. Despite this not being the first time such an incident has occurred.

Her husband feels she’s being unreasonable and that he is still prioritizing the family even when he goes out drinking. She is seeking unbiased opinions on whether her feelings of disappointment are valid. Read the full story below:

‘ Me [34/f] and my husband [39/m] cannot agree on what constitutes acceptable behaviour now we’re married [5 years] with a child [3]. Unbiased input needed!?’

End of September I booked a Christmas event for us to take our son to today (21st dec). It had been in our joint calendar since then. At the end of November my husband organised his boss’ leaving party for yesterday (20th dec) and it has also been in the joint calendar.

During the evening last night I text husband reminding him of the event tomorrow so to not get so drunk that he feels rough in the morning. Husband comes home late last night, making a racket. Is vomiting at 3am, and come morning he is too hungover to do anything. I call in super grandad as a replacement for the event.

My take- I’m upset and disappointed (this is not the first time something like this has happened). I honestly don’t think it’s “acceptable behaviour” to be going out and getting sh!t faced any time when you have a young child, but especially not when you have an activity as a family planned for the next day.

I think when you have a child, your behaviour should change and you should put them first, above your own enjoyment, even if that means sacrificing some special events. His take- I’m being unreasonable. It wasn’t just a random night out, it was a leaving party, everyone was drinking.

We have other Christmas events planned so it doesn’t matter that he missed this one. Just because he chooses to go out and “have fun” (aka drink) with his mates, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t put us first. My family and friends agree with me that it’s reasonable to be upset. But they are my family and friends, right? Would like some unbiased opinions..

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Business_Loquat5658 −  I would think a 39 year old man would have figured out how to handle his alcohol intake by now. This isn’t a scheduling problem. This is a husband problem. EDIT: Thanks for the awards, ya’ll! Happy Holidays!

Green-Season-7117 −  If your husband can’t have a good time out without getting puking drunk at his age says a lot him. It’s clear that partying is more important than making memories with his family.

guinea-pig-mafia −  Getting s**t faced at a work party is never a good look to start, but,. Getting s**t faced:. -at a work party. -knowing you have another engagement the next day -which is a family event with your child. -which you miss.

-and you/your spouse’s father goes in your stead -and you argue with your spouse that this is all fine -claiming this is how you have fun. -when you are almost 40 years old. is more red flags than a Chinese parade. Sis this is a massive problem. You are right to treat it as such.

VelvetPenguin87 −  I’m with you. It’s one thing to go out and come back late, it’s another to flake on plans with your own family. I don’t think its never exceptable to let loose once you have a kid, but when you know you have plans the next day?? He’s acting like parenting is just a hobby for him he can take or leave as the mood strikes him.

PeachBanana8 −  Your husband is acting like a j**kass. He knew this event was planned, and he prioritized getting shitfaced with his colleagues over quality time with his family. He should be ashamed of himself and trying to make it up to you.

JFC_ucantbeserious −  OP, try to imagine ditching your son and husband at the last minute before a family outing because something fun with friends came up. Would your husband be totally cool about it?

ChiaraSs7 −  A 39 years old man getting s**t faced is peak cringe.

Njbelle-1029 −  We allow each other the freedom to do what we need as long as it never ever interferes with a family event or being a parent. So if he or I gets too drunk the night before, we have to own it the next day and figure our s**t out to do what has to be done.

I think it’s unreasonable to think he never let loose, but he knew what the next day was about. That’s not controlling that’s being an accountable adult/husband/father. He dropped the ball on all counts. He should have picked a different day to plan that event so he could recover the next day. Instead her missed out with his son and blames you for being controlling? Nope.

mpan2501 −  If it was a one time thing i’d agree no big deal but if it’s a recurrent issue then yes it’s a problem i agree with wife. And i think husband knows she’s right but won’t admit not to hurt the same ego that makes him decide to get shitfaced in the first place. Good luck, wife, you have a really long way ahead of you till this kid reaches adulthood…

lackaface −  Let me pose a question to you. How many more times is it acceptable to tell your child plans with his father are canceled because Dad got too drunk to be with him?

Balancing personal desires with family obligations can be a difficult issue, especially when it affects a child’s well-being. Do you think the husband’s behavior was inconsiderate,

or is it understandable that he wanted to enjoy a social event, given it was a special occasion for his work? How do you think the couple can find common ground to avoid similar issues in the future? Share your thoughts below!