Me [33/F] with my husband [44/M], returned home from vacation and our house sitter [35/F], rearranged our entire home

A 33-year-old woman recounts returning home from vacation with her husband to find that their house sitter and friend had completely rearranged their home without permission, claiming it was a “pro bono” interior design project. Now struggling with feelings of violation, anxiety, and frustration, she seeks advice on how to address this shocking overstep without losing her temper. Read the full story below.

‘ Me [33/F] with my husband [44/M], returned home from vacation and our house sitter [35/F], rearranged our entire home’

A week ago my husband Rory and I returned home from a two week vacation. We had hired a house sitter (Clara) to come over every day and feed our cats, check the mail, and also water my plants every three days.. When we entered our house I instinctively turned to drop my keys into the key bowl and they hit the ground. We turned on our lights and our foyer had been completely rearranged. Our first thought was we had been robbed and we began to move through the house checking every room to make sure we were home alone, ready to dial 911..

What we discovered was just bizarre. All of our furniture had been rearranged, our living room, dining room, tv and stereo system, office, bedroom, my craft room, the den, my husband’s game room. Even my piano has been moved!!.

Back in the kitchen we were looking around and I noticed that my pantry door was open. When I went to close it I realized my entire walk in pantry had been completely rearranged floor to ceiling. I started opening cabinets and all my baking supplies, pots and pans, cutlery, and even my silverware and junk drawers have been moved..

As I was frantically looking through the bedroom and office making sure nothing had been stolen and our safe was intact, Rory found a note from Clara. In it she stated that she’d enjoyed house sitting for us and she hoped that we liked our new living space. That she has been taking a course in interior design and she decided to “allow us to become her first client, pro bono” (her words!). She placed pieces from other rooms in different rooms so it wasn’t as easy as just switching each room back to how it was. She took down pictures and artwork, *patched the holes in the walls*, and hung my artwork in different rooms!.

Reddit…..we do NOT like our new living space. What she did completely messed up the flow of our home. Rory and I spent over six months rearranging furniture and trying pieces in different rooms until we found exactly what we liked best. It was our first home together and it was important that we design it together as well. It really made us feel like our home was truly ours..

I really did not know what to say to her so I haven’t talked to her yet. Clara is my friend and so Rory is leaving it up to me to deal with this. We spent three days putting our home back together again and I don’t know how to deal with this. She has emailed me and asked what I think about the house and asked if I’d write a review for her new interior design business!! The level of entitlement was just mind boggling and then for her to expect a pat on the back and a review as well?.

I do not know how to address this with her because honestly I’m afraid that if I don’t have a script in mind, I will just begin screaming at her. I feel incredibly violated, almost as if someone had broken into the house. Both Rory and I are OCD, and I have GAD. I’m having difficulty sleeping at night and I am so uncomfortable in the house ever since we got home. How do I explain that this was unappreciated and highly violating? Should I even mention that it was a really, really s**tty design job?.

She is a SAHM and she is often bored and then “opens a business” and six months later drops it and never does it again. She’s been a photographer, a caterer, a cake decorator, and now I guess an interior designer. Always unlicensed and she always leaves someone in a lurch. She was supposed to cater a wedding. She got bored, quit doing it, and didn’t tell the bride until a month before the wedding. Same with doing baby photo shoots and a few people’s cakes for birthdays or baby showers..

She seems to enjoy the thrill of new business cards, buying all the equipment, making a Facebook business page, and then once she starts getting jobs (because unfortunately she’s one of those people that are great at everything they pick up) she gets bored and quits..
Please tell me what to say and how to address this!!. TL;DR After going on vacation for two weeks, my husband and I returned home only to find all of our furniture moved around. How do we address this?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

riversilver −  I think what you said – Rory and I spent over six months rearranging furniture and trying pieces in different rooms until we found exactly what we liked best. It was our first home together and it was important that we design it together as well. It really made us feel like our home was truly ours.. -basically covers it.

Add on something about how it’s made you extremely upset, and was incredibly invasive. Interior designers DO NOT make changes to a home without input and decisions from the home owner! If you want to stay friends with her, don’t get angry and scream at her. Write her a letter or an email to make sure you say everything that needs to be said.

Happyendings4all −  Tell her she can’t use the Before and After PICTURES she took for her portfolio!! Tell her she can’t act like this and to stay away from you for good.

zzeeaa −  This is so bizarre and invasive! Seeing as she is your friend, I’m guessing that you didn’t hire her through a company? Perhaps a sternly-worded email would be best. It’s vital that she knows she did something very wrong. If you think you will scream, an email/letter will be a good way to explain exactly why you are unimpressed. This woman obviously has no respect for the feelings of anyone other than herself.

tingiling −  “Clara, I’m so very hurt and angry about what you have done. We let you into my home because we trusted you. We trusted you to respect how we put our hearts into making it our home. We trusted you to respect how important it is to us to have our own space were we can feel safe and comfortable. Mainly, we trusted you to respect our home and what it meant to us in the short time you would spend in it alone.

When we came home, we thought we had been robbed and panicked! When we realised that nothing was stolen, but that our entire home had been rearranged to fit someone elses idea of a house without our permission or knowledge, we didn’t feel much better.
We have put everything back the way we want our house to be like.

Please know that you will never house sit for us again, and honestly right now you are not welcomed back into our house. If you have any pictures or any other information about our house, I expect you to delete them immediatly. I will not leave a rewiev for you, and you should consider that a favour.

You have disrespected my house, me and my husband. I get that you thought we would approciate this, but I don’t understand how you didn’t realise that this wasn’t a good idea. You crossed so many boundaries and violated the trust I gave you.
I’m hurt by your actions. I also think people can make mistakes.

I would like to try move past this, and chalk this up to one case of extremly bad judgement. However, I would like an apology and some reassurance that in the future you will not do anything to me, my husband or our house without our permission, no matter what your reason might be.”

OMGSpaghettiisawesom −  “Clara, the most important aspect of any client-centered career is the client. Your intentions weren’t bad, but this is our home and it is extremely important to us that we have input in what happens in our home. We wish you had asked us. We did not want our home to be redesigned. Aesthetics are not as important to us as this feeling like our home, and a big part of that was setting things up ourselves.

We would like you to restore our home to the arrangement it was in previously.” (Using “home” so many times is intentional) If she refuses, then take it to legal advice – make sure you keep her note and any other documentation about this being a job to her.

Personally, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt …once. She likely thought she was doing you a favor with the added bonus of good reviews for getting into interior design. Hopefully she understands, doesn’t take it personally, and learns that not all surprises are welcome.
Edit: I missed that it was already put back in order. Also, this was horribly misguided, but the care and effort she put in shows she meant well. Certainly the trust OP had to allow her free reign of their house is gone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the friendship has to be nuked.

suspecrobot −  Reply by email. Tell her that you and your husband are both very distressed about it and that she was completely wrong to do this without your consent. End the friendship.

molten_dragon −  She has emailed me and asked what I think about the house and asked if I’d write a review for her new interior design business!! I’d do exactly what she asked you to. Write an honest review of her behavior and send it to her. That’ll let you address the issue with her without getting too upset and just yelling at her.

Himekat −  Man, I’d be especially pissed about the piano. It might have to be retuned now after moving it twice! (Depending on how strenuous the move was on it, and if the flooring/humidity/temperature was vastly different in the room she put it in.)

[Reddit User] −  She almost certainly had help. A sole person, especially a 35 year old woman, cannot rearrange everything by herself. **Other people have been inside your home** without your consent, pawed all your belongings. I would not be surprised if you have a few items stolen. It’s time to take a good look at everything OP.

Inquisitor1119 −  Sounds like she used you to get a positive revew for her “new business.” I would do what others recommend and let her know how furious you are that she disrespected you and your space. That being said, she sounds tone-deaf enough to interpret this as you lashing out for doing you a favor, so she may end the friendship… at least until she returns to her flibbertigibbet ways and tries to inconvenience you with her latest business hobby.