Me (30f) and a friend (27f) had a threesome with a guy (24m) we met on a night out. They are now together and she refuses to see me if he’s there?

A Reddit user (30F) shares a complicated situation with her friend (27F) who is now dating a man (24M) they both had a threesome with six months ago. The user describes how the encounter was a one-time thing for her, but her friend has since become uncomfortable with her presence around her boyfriend, even accusing her of wanting him.

This has led to her friend avoiding her whenever the boyfriend is around and even asking her to miss an upcoming wedding for her sake. The user is unsure whether to stand her ground and attend events or avoid them to keep the peace. Read the full story below to dive deeper into the dynamics of the situation.

‘ Me (30f) and a friend (27f) had a threesome with a guy (24m) we met on a night out. They are now together and she refuses to see me if he’s there?’

About six months ago we were on a night out and got talking to a group of men at a bar before leaving. Later on in the night we saw one of them on his own and he said the rest had been getting a bit too drunk and rowdy and causing trouble so he was going home.

We found out he lived two streets down from me and that’s where we were staying that night so he stayed out with us for a bit and then we all caught a taxi to mine. He was about to walk off when I said “come in and carry and we’ll order some food if you want?”

So he joined us and after some food and some laughs one thing led to another and we spent the rest of the night and most of the next day in bed (and every other room) together. It was just a one off bit of fun for me but my friend ended up meeting him again and they got on and a month later got together.

This is when the weirdness started. She won’t let me be anywhere near him and has even told me she knows I wanted him too. I didn’t or would have asked for his number. I was walking to the shop the other day and I saw them walking towards me and she crossed the road.

When I walked in to a friend party a couple of weeks ago she walked out with him as soon as I got there. This is always happening. She won’t avoid me alone but with him she refuses to be anywhere near me.

Our friends are getting married on the 21st and she messaged me yesterday saying it’s not fair she’s missing out on everything and I should miss the wedding so she can go. I told her no I won’t miss it and this is her problem not mine.

I have no intentions of stealing her man and I dont know where she got this idea from. She said I obviously enjoyed him so why wouldn’t I want him? I said I’ve enjoyed a few men but don’t want relationships with them and the fact I’m travelling around the world for a year starting in February why would I want a new relationship now!

Friends aren’t getting involved and I don’t blame them but a couple have told me that she’s telling them she knows I’m waiting for her to turn her back so I can get him, her boyfriend has said he doesn’t think that at all so this isn’t on him. With a lot of parties and get together happening over the next few weeks do I just miss a few for her sake or do I stand my ground?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

grumpy__g −  Don’t f**k your friends. I want everyone to repeat that. Don’t f**k your friends. She is not your friend anymore. This is a them problem. Maybe she is insecure and always has been. Maybe she doesn’t like the fact that he fucked a friend of her. Maybe he said something really dumb.

Maybe she doesn’t want him to see her as the type of woman that does threesomes and wants him to have a different more serious kind of image of her.
But at the end, this is not your problem. Go where you want to. Do what you want to.

CombinationCalm9616 −  Not your problem. She can wait until after February.

Same_Version_5216 −  Of course you stand your ground!! How is this even a question? You are not the one behaving like a jealous insecure child. Why would you pander to that kind of craziness? Doing so implies that her behavior is appropriate, and reaffirms her idiocy.

It’s completely up to her to manage her own emotions. If she is childish enough to not go because you are there, that’s on her, not you. Moving forward, plan to go and *ignore* her when she sends you messages.

In fact, write her off, she is not your friend and this isn’t friendship behavior. Block her, go have a good time and good riddance to nut jobs like her. Find better people to befriend.

ImpassionateGods001 −  With a lot of parties and get together happening over the next few weeks do I just miss a few for her sake or do I stand my ground? Don’t miss anything. It’s not your job to cater to her insecurities.

She shouldn’t have made a relationship out of an ONS three way if she was going to be insecure about it. That’s on her! Also, I don’t think you’re friends anymore.

TacoStrong −  She’s no longer your friend due to HER insecurities. Continue being yourself and do attend that wedding. Friends come and go so consider this one a goner. Please distance yourself from her.

Reddichino −  she has the problem, it’s her insecurity. Do not accommodate her weakness.

zbeamerboy −  Stand your ground! Don’t miss your friends wedding over an issue that shouldn’t actually be concerning you. She’s set some boundary on her boyfriend not being near you whatsoever?

Boundaries are not set in order to control other people, they are set so that if your boundary is crossed, you can remove yourself from the situation. It seems like this is what she has been doing so far, that’s what she’ll have to stick with if she’s that serious about enforcing this boundary of hers.

You are not obligated to do anything besides the basic respect you have already been showing, she needs to work through her own insecurities if this relationship is going to work long term in general.

SketchyPornDude −  You don’t have to accommodate any of this. This is her issue to work out on her own. You’ve already told her you’re not interested in her guy, she either accepts that as the truth or she’s calling you a l**r (in which case she can go eff herself).

She’s blatantly saying that she believes that you will betray her and steal her boyfriend – it’s insane – she’s basically going around calling you a terrible person, and a W-word (automod removes/deletes my comment when I write the word that rhymes with “more”), and yet you haven’t done anything wrong.

You cannot control her insecurities for her, and you cannot allow yourself to be controlled by her. It’s not your responsibility to miss out on your other friendships and events with your friends for her sake.

If you do this it’ll become the norm, and that boundary will start getting pushed more and more as others begin treating you the way she’s treating you and eventually you’ll be treated as the pariah of the group.

You had a threesome with some random guy, she chose to continue seeing him, she’s welcome to either get over her insecurities or continue to allow herself to be controlled by them. None of this is on you.

Feeling guilty is normal since you recognize that your friend is hurting, you’re not responsible for her hurt even though she’s attempting to convince you that you are, and you have nothing to apologise for nor should you be acting in any way to atone for any mistake you haven’t made.

HoldFastO2 −  Those are her hangups, not yours. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to argue someone out of irrational fears. Don’t let her push you out of your friends’ wedding. If she can’t trust her BF around you – or you around him – then she can just go to the wedding without him.

emr830 −  Don’t skip the parties, especially the wedding. If she has a problem with seeing you then she should stay home, not you.

Do you think the Reddit user should stand her ground and attend social events, or should she avoid them to respect her friend’s wishes? How would you handle a situation where a friend misinterprets your intentions r