Me [30 F] with my BF [34 M] of one year, he has started “sagging” his jeans after finding a new style. I don’t like it.
A Redditor shared their dilemma about their boyfriend’s recent change in style, including sagging jeans and dressing “ironically” like a rapper, which has caused tension in their relationship and embarrassment in social settings. They’re unsure if this is a phase or a potential deal breaker. Read the full story below.
‘ Me [30 F] with my BF [34 M] of one year, he has started “sagging” his jeans after finding a new style. I don’t like it.’
My (30F) bf (34M) and I have had basically a perfect relationship for the past year. Recently he has lost a lot of weight and has started to figure out his new style. He got Depop and started to buy used clothing he wanted to wear when he was heavier but couldn’t really pull off.
He started to order stuff like true religion jeans because he wanted to “ironically” dress like a rapper called chief keef for a halloween party we were invited to. I guess part of this style means wearing your pants below your b**t even though you have a belt on.
After the party he would wear this outfit out and it was kinda funny initially, but since late october he ordered even more of these outfits and now often dresses like this. It came to a head last night where he met me at my family’s house dressed in the true religion jeans below his b**t and a popped collar polo shirt. I was mortified and my parents were not happy about this.
For context, he and I are both white and grew up in the suburbs. He works an IT job and does very well at it and has basically no interaction with black culture outside of what he sees on the internet. The other day he mentioned wanted to get twisty dreads which would be crazy because he is losing his hair and it wouldn’t even work probably.
We have had a number of convos about this and they all basically end with him saying he is having fun and enjoying his new body after having zero confidence he entire life. Is this a deal breaker?.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
nblackhand − If you can’t say to your partner the honest and necessary gentle criticism “I love you, but you look like a ridiculous cringey teenager”, your relationship is not and has never been perfect.
inductiononN − Does he have friends? Someone has got to say something. This is very cringe
anothergoddamnacco − I would not be able to keep myself from making fun of him relentlessly 😭 you’re a better person than I am. I have no advice for you.
DrakeFloyd − I believe that the style is very bad and cringey, but if cringey fashion is enough to have you rethinking the whole relationship, then it may not be a fit.
Did you have a conversation with him about it? Not in an ultimatum kind of way, but does he know it embarrasses you?
perdivad − Crazy how nobody here seems to consider that… he may dress how he likes? You’ve voiced your perspective, but he’s an autonomous person.
Jilltro − “Boyfriend, I am SO GLAD that you’re feeling good about yourself and enjoying buying new clothes and exploring new styles. But having your b**t exposed in public or at my parents house is just not acceptable, regardless of how attractive or not I might find it. I will not subject my parents/family/friends to that again.
Could the two of us go shopping together and try out some different styles? It could be a lot of fun and you might find something you like even better than this look.”
If he doesn’t budge then unfortunately, I think you’ll have to break up. You can’t date someone you don’t respect and it sounds like his manner of dress is (understandably) making you lose respect for him.
MundaneAd8695 − Just tell him that you’re not going to be seen in public with him wearing (name specific clothing items) him because you do not want people to be under the impression you are dating a teenage boy.. And follow through.
bellavie − when ppl appropriate black culture, the ppl who have grown up around the culture, know. we can tell when ppl only have black and brown influences online, and never really grew up with them. it is so cringe i can’t even begin to explain, but it stems from a lack of maturity, and low self esteem.
most eventually grow out of it, but too many ppl go thru this stage anywhere from middle school thru college. your bf’s just a late bloomer. cut your losses now, and find someone comfortable being their true selves. not some weird wannabe.
Grouchy-Tomatillo-18 − Wait it out. At some point one of his buddies will say something.
FalsePremise8290 − Start dressing like a rap star’s girlfriend until he stops.
Do you think the boyfriend’s style change is a harmless expression of newfound confidence, or should he consider the discomfort it causes in certain settings? How would you approach discussing sensitive topics like personal style with a partner? Share your thoughts below!