UPDATE: Me [29F] with my vegan coworker [29F]. I don’t know how to deal with her.

A Reddit user shared their experience dealing with a difficult coworker who is very passionate about veganism and often brings it up inappropriately in the workplace. Despite multiple attempts to set boundaries and keep things civil, the coworker continued to offer unsolicited health advice and make culturally insensitive remarks. After a formal meeting with HR and the boss, it was made clear that the coworker must keep discussions work-related. Read the full story below…

‘ UPDATE: Me [29F] with my vegan coworker [29F]. I don’t know how to deal with her’

First, please read Original Post: Me [29F] with my vegan coworker [29F]. I don’t know how to deal with her.

So the meeting happened on Friday. HR lady was a very much a “let’s all get along” type and very enthusiastic and eager to mediate with buzzwords and talk about feelings. HR contacted me and I told them to get Vegan’s perspective first so that she wouldn’t complain not getting a chance to get her point of view. So Vegan, boss and HR had a meeting. I’m pretty sure Vegan made it seem like she had been bullied which was pretty much what I was expecting. Then the rest of us were called into a meeting with HR to give our points of view.

The coworker who was a cancer survivor had gotten progressively more annoyed at what happened after the meeting with Vegan taking off so I told her she was welcome to take the lead in the meeting because her issues could have had an actual health impact.

She took up most of the time actually talking about how Vegan kept giving her unsolicited, medically unsubstantiated advice on cancer treatment and prevention and HR and boss started looking uncomfortable and concerned. A few other coworkers- like the one with coeliac especially also mentioned unsolicited advice.

The my Peruvian coworker brought up cultural insensitivity and the eating your pets comment and I didn’t know Vegan said this to the Hindu coworker but apparently Vegan had told Hindu that veganism would make him a better Hindu because it eliminated all animal cruelty or something. A few people started laughing at this and one coworker joked that Vegan was like the vegan Amway- always selling something that nobody was interested in.

So I’d been pretty quiet at that point and HR asked me, why I had asked Vegan to only speak about work related matters and I told her that I’m a hunter and briefly explained that I believe in ethical hunting and how it befitted endangered species etc. But Vegan kept on calling it m**der, had a dig at me for my leather skirt even though other people here had leather shoes, leather handbag and HR injected that her Filofax was real leather and I told her the talking to Vegan was stressful and demoralizing and she’d refused to respect my boundaries when I asked her on other occasions to keep things work related.

So then the “mediation” begun and Vegan was brought in and other coworkers left. I basically said exactly what I’d said before to Vegan with HR and boss there, that I respected her lifestyle choice and how passionate she was about making a change but I disagreed with her on certain pointed and even if she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices, it was unfair of her to single me out or harass me about them. Vegan said that to her, what I was doing was morally unconscionable and she didn’t believe in exploiting animals.

I told her that her iPhone, her clothes, her computer were all produced via human exploitation and the quinoa that she loves so much has affected local income farmers in Bolivia but.. and then I qualified I told her it was great that she had her thing to try and improve the world but I also had a different perspective and different issues I was more passionate about and that I had respected her point of view and she should respect mine.

Vegan’s response to all of this was “it’s still m**der”. HR looked annoyed at this point and said that Vegan was not trying to find a middle ground. So I turned to HR and said that this was why there was no middle ground and that’s why I thought keeping things civil and work related because in the end we are here to do a job. HR agreed, boss agreed, I agreed, Vegan grudgingly agreed and HR wrote all this down and I had mediation meeting minutes saying all of this emailed to the 4 of us.

Anyway, boss called us into a meeting around lunch and said it was a good that we were able to talk about things outside of work because it’s good team bonding but “it had come to his attention” that there was unsolicited health advice and cultural sensitivity issues in the team we’d be discussing that in our next team meeting and we’d had a productive session but needed to focus on work and keep our spirits up.

Vegan had a meeting with boss after that and then went home early. We had to come in on a Saturday and today end of month stuff (this happens when the end of month falls on a weekend- I’m in finance) but we get time in lieu. I just gave Vegan a cheerful good morning to which she didn’t respond and when she said handed me a file and said she was leaving, I just said thank you for your work today and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Vegan kind of just grunted at me and left.

I’m just going to keep it civil like HR said and Vegan and dig her own hole. I still feel a bit sorry for her, I still think she feels attacked but at least it got her off my back for the time being. TLDR: Vegan was told formally by boss and HR to keep things work related and civil.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  Her behavior has nothing to do with being vegan, and 100% to do with being an obtuse b**ch. You handled this really well.

[Reddit User] −  OP: “Please stop attacking and insulting me.”. Vegan: “How dare you bully me!”. Good lord.

Made_you_read_penis −  You did everything 100% right. I’m a vegan, and I’m not vegan enough for a lot of other vegans since I’m fine with my wife not being vegan and cooking with the same pots and pans (that we wash!). I don’t get it. We’re all doing our own thing here, and we’re only responsible for ourselves (and underaged kids if we have ’em). We all have our good qualities and setbacks. I don’t agree with the judgmental b**lshit.

AlphaIota −  That was very professional of you. And it shows you are a good person when you still care about her feelings despite the obnoxious stuff she’s done. Hopefully she’ll learn that she isn’t the only person with beliefs and keep that stuff to herself.

Edgefish −  (Repost lol) I don’t know if you have seen The Simpsons, but there’s an ep (Lisa the Vegetarian) where Lisa became vegetarian after she found hypocritical she pets a baby lamb in a farm and then eat lamb at dinner. She suddenly started to be critical with everybody who didn’t agreed in stop eating meat to the point she ruined Homer’s bbq and didn’t feel remorse about it.

It wasn’t until Apu (who is a vegan) told her he learned to tolerate others rather than forcing his beliefs on them. “You know you can influence people without badgering them always”. So the ep ends with Lisa apologizing with Homer. Of course, Lisa is still vegetarian as promise to Paul McCartney.

It sorta makes me think someone should tell to that girl (again) that is pretty counterproductive her attitude against other people that don’t think like her. But its obvious she doesn’t WANT to change and you can see that with her comments (Specially the “better Hindu” thing. WTF? ). Keep going on keeping the work attitude as best as possible. Wish you good luck.

Stimmolation −  Sounds like you are doing your best to be a professional. Your hunting, or use of animal products is not abnormal behavior, as long as you aren’t shoving it into other people’s faces, which you aren’t. Vegan seems to have the inability to keep her preferences from keeping her not only professional, but civil as well. Keep your calm, and keep professional. Be yourself, but keep conversation at work aboit work. Vegan will not last if she cannot do the same. Good luck, bring me some back straps.

teardrop87 −  She’s under the microscope now, and she knows it. Continue to be polite and keep all interactions as professional as possible on your end. She may come around and behave like a civil person, or you may have to start documenting when she starts back up again. Hope for the best, and prepare for the worse, but I truly hope she’ll mellow out in a week or so.

HappyDuckPotato −  Sounds like the mediation went well. She might continue treating you with that huffy silent treatment, but if you keep treating her positively as you are about work only, I believe she will come around to at least treating you professionally.

[Reddit User] −  Lol how hasn’t she been fired yet?

MissTheWire −  Vegan kind of just grunted at me and left. I love how unless she is allowed to give gratuitous advice and criticism, she can’t actually just exchange the usual meaningless pleasantries at work.