Me [28F] with my husband [31M] of 2 years, he’s upset because I’m skipping Friendsgiving

A new mom (28F) shared her frustration with her husband (31M) after deciding to skip their annual Friendsgiving gathering. With a five-week-old baby, she feels physically and emotionally drained and prefers to avoid the stress of socializing, especially given concerns about germs during cold and flu season.

Her husband, however, is upset, fearing their lives will revolve entirely around the baby. Their differing perspectives have caused tension, leaving her feeling misunderstood and resentful.

‘ Me [28F] with my husband [31M] of 2 years, he’s upset because I’m skipping Friendsgiving’

My husband is annoyed because I’ve decided not to attend Friendsgiving. It’s a tradition among our friends and we’ve participated in the past but this year I’m not up for it. The main reason is that our son is only five weeks-old. I’m pretty much recovered physically from my c-section but my mind and body are still tired.

Our pediatrician said it’s important to make sure people wash their hands before touching him because we’re entering cold & flu season. I don’t want to have to worry about it all night or be “that mom” reminding everybody to wash their hands. There are other, less significant, reasons too. Most of our friends don’t have kids yet.

I can’t/don’t want to drink alcohol, which is always a major part of our Friendsgiving. Being the only sober person by the end of the night will definitely be annoying. The couple hosting this year also have two dogs and three cats, the house is covered in pet hair and the animals climb all over people and the furniture.

It’s uncomfortable for me because I’m allergic to cats and I don’t care for animals climbing on and/or licking me. I wouldn’t be happy if one of the pets was all over the baby and it’s possible he has allergies too.. I just don’t want to go. During my pregnancy my husband frequently reminded me he didn’t want the baby to change everything or become the center of our lives (lol).

I believe this is why he’s annoyed about Friendsgiving. We got into an argument earlier and I brought this up, I told him he’s being unrealistic, which apparently really bothered him. I told him he can do whatever he wants but I’m staying home. I have no desire to attend this year and I think he could try harder to have some empathy, I just had a baby FFS.

He’s so paranoid about our lives god forbid changing that he’s failing to recognize he’s being inconsiderate and causing me to feel some resentment towards him. I love my husband and I don’t like feeling this way about him. I don’t know what to do here. I understand his concerns but holy s**t, he needs to back off, our son is five weeks old.

Do you think I’m wrong to want to stay home? How can I help him see this from my perspective? I want to spend Saturday night relaxing at home, snuggling with my baby, and maybe preparing for actual Thanksgiving.

Socializing is the farthest thing from my mind and actually sounds overwhelming and stressful. But he doesn’t see it this way. It’s all about me being a boring mom now and not trying hard enough to be the ‘cool’ wife/mom/friend.

See what others had to share with OP:

TentaclesAndCupcakes −  Youre right – and you should do what’s right for you and the baby. It wouldn’t be nice to prevent him from going, but you should be able to do what’s best for you.
Side note: Kids change _everything_. It doesn’t matter if you want them to or not. It just happens. I have 3 of them.

magicstarfish −  5 week old baby means you don’t have to go anywhere for anyone. I barely even read the rest of your post. When I had my son my GP told me that the first 3 months are just surviving, don’t do anything you don’t absolutely have to do. He was right. My boy was about 6 weeks old his first Xmas. We didn’t leave the house. If anyone wanted to see us, they came to us. And I didn’t even put pants on for the occasion.

[Reddit User] −  Honestly I stopped reading after the part where you said you’re recovering giving birth because that’s all I need to know. Your husband should understand this point that it’s just not the right time this year, and that there will always be other years. Im sure your friends will agree more than your husband.

[Reddit User] −  Childfree person who is *completely* on your side. You are the mother of a *newborn.* Your husband is being inconsiderate of you completely. Stay home. Tell him that while you won’t let the baby take over your life completely (you shouldn’t for your own health but he’s wrong that life won’t change,) that you need your time to rest. You literally just baked a person for 9 months!

sparrow5 −  This pisses me off and I don’t even know you. Of course you wouldn’t want to take your newborn there, it’s not a place for babies, and plus YOU DON’T WANT TO. That should matter to him. He’s an i**ot for thinking everything will be the same, especially right after the baby is born.

Dead_Like_Me −  My due date is tomorrow and I plan on not taking my child anywhere that people will grope at my child with cold and flu season until hes at least two months old. Tell him to pound sand. Until your baby builds an immune system you are very right to be cautious.

Remind him the infant stage is not forever and things will eventually go back to a more normal sense but having a baby literally changed your lives and either he accepts that oooor you need to make a choice.

soayherder −  Not wrong. Five weeks after a c-section, you’re barely at the point where you can lift more than the baby, and those post-partum hormones – even if they’re not triggering depression etc – can be FIERCE.

He is being entirely unrealistic about recovery time post pregnancy, and even if you bounced back AMAZINGLY, entirely unrealistic about traveling with a newborn infant. He is prioritizing his social life over your and your child’s physical, mental and emotional well-being.

[Reddit User] −  Uh, no you’re not wrong. You just gave birth! I’m sure all your friends are expecting you’re not going to be attending a month and change into taking care of an infant.
Frankly, I think he should stay home with you. That’s what I would do in his shoes.

Like it or not, things DO change when you have a baby and you can’t just do whatever you want all the time. That’s not “making the baby the center of your world,” it’s just common sense that when you have a new life to care for, sometimes you have to sacrifice personal recreational time.

ashbae −  Your husband is either dumb or a huge j**k…

moongirl12 −  No, you sound like you’re being smart. Emotional exhaustion is just as exhausting (or even more, IMHO) then physical exhaustion. You have a five week old child. You must be so, so drained. Stay home and rest, you deserve it.