Me [28 F] with my BF [29 M] of 3 years, his parents want to see my bank statements.

A Reddit user (28F) shares their frustration about their boyfriend (29M) and his over-involved parents. Despite having been together for three years and living together for two, the user has encountered several red flags involving her boyfriend’s family.

These include intrusive behavior, such as monitoring finances and questioning her actions, like contacting her workplace or demanding to see her bank statements. The user feels that this invasion of privacy is unreasonable, but her boyfriend supports her. However, the constant stress from his family is taking a toll, and she’s now unsure how to proceed.

‘ Me [28 F] with my BF [29 M] of 3 years, his parents want to see my bank statements.’

I have been with my BF for 3 years, living together for 2. My BF has always been very close to his family. They live not that far away and he has never lived anywhere but NYC where he was born and raised, therefore always had his parents close by and spends time with them regularly – therefore I didn’t see anything odd at first about how close he is to his parents and assumed it was normal.

However, since we moved in together there were red flags regarding his parents. Some examples: 1. There is a coin-operated laundromat half a block away from our apartment, but he insists on getting his clothes packed, carries it on a 30-minute one way subway ride all the way to his parents’ to have it washed. I thought this was weird but hey, his clothes, his time, his subway fare.

2. He shares a bank account with his parents. His parents pore over his financials regularly and once chewed him out over spending too much money on ordering pizza! I found this kind of odd too but as we keep our finances separate, this didn’t affect me so I let this slide.

3. On a camping trip with his family, a mosquito entered our tent and I tried multiple times to slap it in between my hands. Immediately, his mom and dad barged into our tent, yelling and demanding to know why I was “slapping my BF.” I was utterly confused and told them that I was slapping a mosquito, in fact, the mosquito was still buzzing around the tent.

My BF backed me up but his parents thought that he was covering up for me and since then, they have disliked and mistrusted me with things like, when I got a promotion, they called my place of work to see if “I was telling the truth about working there and my promotion.” This I found utterly INSANE and embarrassing me at my workplace, however,

my BF stood up for me again and therefore I didn’t think it was right to d**p him for his parents’ insanity. Despite my BF sticking up for me and telling the truth to his parents on both these instances, they continued mistrusting me. I started not wanting to go to many of their family events after these ridiculous episodes, which my BF said he understood and never pressured me into going.

4. I make more money that my BF, so I asked him if we could move to a better neighborhood and I will pay a bigger portion of the rent to cover this, and he would be paying the same amount he currently pays. He got extremely upset that he couldn’t “pull his weight” but I told him that I don’t mind paying more so that we can live in a safer area.

I chalked this to how men are shamed in the media if they are seen as not good providers blah blah and assumed he was just insecure about it. However, when he discussed this with his parents, they accused me of hiding a source of income (uh no, I have a regular old boring marketing job) and being involved with unsavory activities or that I am lying about something and hiding things.

I was utterly confused! My BF doesn’t believe any of their b**lshit, and again stood up for me. However, s**t soon hit the fan. His parents are now demanding to see my bank statements to prove to them that everything is on the up and up. My BF knows that I have nothing to hide, so he said that I should just do it to shut them up so that they’d stop with the drama.

However, I think that this is a huge violation of my privacy. Why should I have to justify myself to them when I have done nothing wrong, and what right do they have to the details of my finances? If I give in, what else will I be expected to do to satisfy their insanity?

At the same time, it’s not my BF’s fault that he was born into that crazy family, and he has stood up for me every time, and I don’t want to break up with him over something that he didn’t do. Still, his parents are driving me up the wall and stressing me out! What should I do?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Pm_me_some_dessert −  This isn’t going to end until he takes care of things and makes it end. They’re his parents and managing their influence on your relationship is his responsibility. You continue firmly saying no to their insane requests while having some conversations with the BF about how HE intends to deal with this.

iownakeytar −  He’s almost 30 years old!? He needs to detach himself from his parents ASAP, starting with the bank account situation. He can walk into pretty much any bank at any time and open a free checking account in his own name. That’s just ridiculous. And yes, them asking for your bank statements is a total i**asion of privacy.

If he can’t tell them they’ve gone too far at this point, you have a very serious problem on your hands. I’m not saying he needs to completely cut contact, but he needs to tell them off — he’s an adult, you are an adult, and your financial situation is absolutely none of their business. If he thinks showing them your bank statements is going to make this kind of drama end, then he might be just as delusional as they are.

Hooty__McBoob −  OP, print this thread. Then put it in an envelope, label it “Bank Statements” and give it to his parents.

[Reddit User] −  I wrote you a Haiku.. No no no no no. Oh f**k no hell no f**k that. No no no no no.

theaggressivenapkin −  This is stressful to read.

[Reddit User] −  They have no right in f**king hell to look at your bank statements. That is crossing so many boundaries I can’t even begin to explain how mad that would make me. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not be doing that, that they are completely out of line and if your boyfriend won’t stand up for you here that’s a bad sign.

Do you really want to deal with this stuff the rest of your life? Imagine with marriage, or having these people be the grandparents of your kids. Holy s**t.

sweatermaster −  WTF?? Hell no! Do NOT indulge in their crazy antics. While that’s great your BF has had your back in the past, he should not be going along with this one! They are soo far over the line of what is appropriate. Never in a million years do they have the right to look at your financials.

I don’t really have any advice besides going NC with them, if that’s even possible. Your BF really needs to see this is really none of their business and they should just b**t out of this. Seriously though, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks this is ok?? His parents sound INSANE!

teresajs −  Not only do you have a problem with BF’s parents but also BF. It is NOT okay that his parents are insisting on seeing your banks statement and have called your employer. And it’s not okay that your BF thinks you should do it. How do you see this relationship, long-term?

RememberKoomValley −  BF knows that I have nothing to hide, so he said that I should just do it to shut them up so that they’d stop with the drama. That won’t shut them up. It won’t make them stop. The only way to remove the drama is for your BF to put his foot down _firm._ He needs to separate his funds from them. He needs to stop being on the apron strings.

Ethelfleda −  Go to r/raisedbynarcissists and make your hubby read about other “loving but overprotective” parents. Then drag his b**t into couple’s counseling. He needs to get a neutral opinion. This is his normal. He really doesn’t see a problem with his parents. He will need to retrain himself into reality and boundaries. He sounds like a great guy. Unfortunately, his parents will never stop on their own. Good luck!