Me (27F) and my fiancé (36M) of 2 years: his constant anger issues and disrespect have pushed me to my limit.

A Reddit user (27F) shared her heartbreaking struggle with her fiancé (36M), whose constant anger issues and disrespect have left her emotionally drained. After enduring years of dismissive and hurtful behavior, a particularly cruel argument crossed a line, shattering her sense of peace. With her sister arriving for a visit, she feels forced to hide her pain and act as if everything is fine. Read her full story to understand the weight of her dilemma.

‘ Me (27F) and my fiancé (36M) of 2 years: his constant anger issues and disrespect have pushed me to my limit.’

Hi everyone, I’ (F 27) ve been with my fiancé (M 36) for two years. We’ve been engaged for a while, and although I know he loves me deeply, his anger issues and the way he handles conflict are destroying me emotionally.

From the beginning of our relationship, he’s had trouble controlling his temper. He gets upset over the smallest things, and when he’s angry, he ignores me completely. At first, he would justify this behavior by saying he was tired from work or stressed due to family issues, and I tried to be understanding. But lately, it feels like he’s saying, “This is just how I am—deal with it.”

I’m a very sensitive and anxious person, which I’ve explained to him multiple times, but his behavior keeps getting worse. He frequently speaks to me in a rude tone, ignores me for hours, and refuses to address issues in a healthy way. When I bring this up, he either brushes it off or shifts the blame onto me, saying I’m the problem.

Last night, something happened that completely broke me. My sister and her children are visiting us for the first time today—they’re flying in from another country, and I’ve been so excited for weeks. I wanted everything to go smoothly and be perfect. But last night, my fiancé and I had a minor disagreement—just a normal conversation where we didn’t agree on something. Instead of discussing it calmly, he got angry and started ignoring me again.

Before bed, I tried to make peace. I said “Good night” and even turned on the flashlight on my phone to give him a hug, hoping to break the tension. But instead of reciprocating, he snapped at me, telling me in a harsh tone to “turn off the flashlight right now.” When I didn’t respond immediately, he got up and stormed out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch.

I followed him, begging him to come back to the bedroom. I was crying, pleading with him not to ruin the night before my sister’s arrival. But he refused, saying things like “You disgust me” and even told me to “shut the f*** up.” I’ve never heard him speak to me like this before.

I spent the whole night crying, trying to apologize and fix things, even though I know I wasn’t the one in the wrong. At one point, he threatened to leave the house entirely if I didn’t stop talking. Eventually, I gave up and let him sleep in the living room while I went back to the bedroom, completely shattered.

This morning, I tried to talk to him about it, asking if he realized how hurtful his words were. But he kept blaming me, saying that if I had just turned off the flashlight immediately, none of this would’ve happened. He doesn’t seem to understand—or care—that his reaction was completely disproportionate.

Now I’m stuck. My sister arrives in two hours, and I feel like I have to put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine for the next ten days while she’s staying with us. I don’t want her to see how broken I feel or suspect anything is wrong, but I’m exhausted and don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I often find myself apologizing, crying, and begging him to make peace after arguments, even though I know I shouldn’t have to. But this time feels different—his words and behavior last night crossed a line for me. I’m not sure if I can forgive him for this, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

classicicedtea −  Maybe give your sister a heads up about what happened so she knows it might be awkward but I would start taking steps to end this relationship.

SadExercises420 −  He’s an a**sive a**hole. You need to leave him.

Ladyughsalot1 −  Of course it’s a sign you can’t move forward.  OP- there’s no lack of understanding here. He knows what he does isn’t acceptable.  It’s abuse, by definition. Whether you want to say it isn’t or not, what you have described is emotional abuse no matter how nice he is at other times or how much you feel like it could be worse.

You are an adult and you have 1 single duty: protect yourself. That’s it, that’s all. You protect yourself before you can do any other duty like being kind to others etc. You cannot afford to stay with men like this. Start looking for a way out. People like this always escalate. 

CurrentApplication84 −  Leave before you’re married. I had a similar situation and trust me when I say, you can not teach someone to care about your feelings and if he sees no problem with how he acts then he is never going to have the desire to change.

It eventually got to the point with my ex where the littlest things would set him off. I was in a constant state of anxiety from walking on eggshells. He got more comfortable with time, eventually waking me up by pouring water on me while I was asleep then screaming at me.

Since I’ve kicked him out and gone completely no contact, my entire energy levels have changed, my personality is getting more and more back to normal. My stomach issues have resolved ect. You might not think it now but that is a**sive behaviour and it definitely will not improve with time. Run!

Blake-Bell −  Quick question if you had a daughter and she told you this was happening to you how would you react? Cause you’re in an a**sive relationship and if your sister -someone that should hopefully love and support you- is coming it’s the perfect opportunity to reach out for help in leaving this situation. You have free will hun if you want to stop this and escape make it happen.

Elfich47 −  Why would you forgive him if he hasnt asked for foregiveness?

listenyall −  Some men can handle minor disagreements without freaking out on you, I recommend you get rid of this one and find one of those

Dolphinsunset1007 −  Please reconsider your relationship. I feel like I could’ve written this myself. As someone who is now 7 months pregnant, married, and now owns a house that neither of us could afford on our own…I often find myself wishing I ended this relationship before things got more permanent.

He shows you he doesn’t care and doesn’t intend to change, he most likely won’t. I’m still dealing with this, walking on eggshells around someone who acts like a mean cranky teenager when I’m the one with pregnancy hormones and growing our child.

It will be hard to leave, I’m still struggling with that myself, he’ll probably act like he wants to change when he knows your threats to leave are real (what I’m currently dealing with).

detikripur −  And why are you always apologizing, begging crying all the time even when it’s not your fault? Do you understand how much undeserved power have you given to this man? Sorry but he seems like a j**k and an a**sive a**hole. Tell your sister everything and try to change things in your life. He is not the one.

notbonusmom −  OP others have given you solid advice & expressed that he’s being a**sive. Which he is. When someone tells you who they are believe them, he told you that’s just who he is. But also, your sister is gonna know. Especially if the two of you are close.

You can’t control what your partner does, and he’s clearly not very nice to you. He’s gonna act like that in front of your sister, no doubt. Which if that’s something that makes you uncomfortable, then you really need to think about why you’re in a relationship that makes you sad & hurt & uncomfortable around others. Especially if he reacts so disproportionately. Anger is an emotion too, he’s VERY emotional & clearly has emotional problems.

Have you ever faced a similar situation where a loved one’s behavior forced you to reevaluate your relationship? What would you advise this woman to do in order to protect her mental health and find clarity? Share your thoughts and experiences below.