Me (26F) with my soon to be SILs (23/25F). One is causing drama over my engagement ring and now wants proof from my fiance about its worth. I’m worried about what family I’m marrying into with my fiance (27M)

A woman engaged to a loving partner is grappling with drama caused by his sisters, who are jealous and critical of her engagement ring. One sister has even demanded proof of the ring’s value and publicly accused her of being a gold digger. Despite the support of her fiancé, she is concerned about the influence his toxic family dynamics could have on their marriage and future. Read the full story below for details.

‘ Me (26F) with my soon to be SILs (23/25F). One is causing drama over my engagement ring and now wants proof from my fiance about its worth. I’m worried about what family I’m marrying into with my fiance (27M)?’

I’ve been with my fiance Michael for almost four years now and it’s been a great relationship so far. He proposed a month ago and we are both really excited to start our lives together. Hes truly wonderful. His family, well…  Michael does not live in the same state as his family anymore and as a result I’ve only met his family a few times.

He has said before that some of his family members can be weird and he was even hesitant for me to meet his siblings. His siblings (both girls) are apparently really spoiled rotten individuals. Neither of the girls ever had to work while growing up and relied heavily on their parents money. Their parents treated them like royal princesses.

Michael on the other hand was always expected to work from age 14 and go to school and achieve far more ( 4.0, be in at least two clubs and two sports) than was expected of his sisters (who only were required to make Cs and do nothing more) Michael was rarely allowed to attend social events at school or go out on weekends.

he did all chores and his parents treated him very different than his sisters. His sisters were incredibly mean to him as teenagers. Basically he was pushed around like a literal p**sant until he had enough money to move out and was able to receive grants and scholarships to go to school.

It was a lot of luck that played a part in his being able to attend undergrad and grad. If not for outside help, I believe his family would have left him to rot whilst giving the sisters everything they ever wanted. Michael is now an engineer while his sisters have basic minimum wage jobs (nothing wrong with that) however his sisters have done all they can to pester Michael about borrowing money,

making him feel ashamed that he makes more money than they do, and even going as far as to claim that they deserve the money more than Michael does. They ask him monthly for money, which I just learned a year ago after Michael confessed to me in shame that he had been giving them money to help them through a rough patch for the past few months.

Apparently their mom and dad has refused to continue to support them to the large extent that they have been the past several years (maybe they finally got fed up, who knows) and now the sisters are looking to Michael. Tina, Michaels eldest sister, is being really difficult lately. Apparently, she is bitter that Michael has not been giving her anymore money.

And she is acting very strange about Michael’s engagement. Apparently, Michael “should he thinking about his family first” before thinking of getting married and spending a bunch of money on a wedding and a wife. His sisters should be put first, apparently. Now, supposedly she is pissed over my engagement ring.

This past weekend Michael and I went to visit the family and Tina and the whole family obviously learned about our recent engagement. I had never even met Michael’s dad before because he travels so much for work. His mom seemed passive towards me and his dad kept asking me what my name was. It made me sad tbh.

Tina remarked on the large size of my engagement ring. Later in the day, she pulled Michael aside and told him that she was really suffering financially along with the rest of the family, and basically said. She was shocked Michael was forking over thousands of dollars for my engagement ring and the wedding rather than help out his own family.

She said “you’ve only known this chick for what, a few years? You’re already giving her everything while you give your own family nothing.” Well, Michael then informed her that my ring wasn’t real diamond. It is moissanite, which I specifically wanted instead of a diamond. Michael could easily afford a diamond but we are saving our money and I liked the idea of moissanite.

But, Tina didn’t believe that and expressed such. She stalked over to me in the kitchen and made a huge scene in front of everyone asking to see my ring, and examine it. She tried to play it off jokingly but I could see through it, and at one point she made a grab for my left hand. I refused to hand over my ring and Tina got emotional and the other sister,

Hannah, soon butted in and asked what my problem was, Tina just wanted to look, what do I have to hide, etc. I just tried to calm the situation down as best I could and Michael kept telling them to mind their own business. Honestly, the whole thing was infuriating. We left after dinner to go stay in a hotel.

Michael then told me how he thinks his sister is also jealous of me and my ring. Tina has been engaged for over a year now with still no wedding planned, she was given a tiny ring. Albeit with a real diamond but it is very tiny. Mine, though fake, is big and sparkly and she remarked to him once that he had better not get me a prettier looking ring than she had.

(Wtf?) Michael and I will be getting married fairly soon and she seems bitter that her own fiance has still not expressed a desire to start planning the wedding. She has also remarked in the past to Michael how I am too beautiful, and that my looks are somehow suspicious, and I’m just out to get his money.

I make my own money as a nurse and I definitely am not using Michael for his money. Now, Tina has started creating all sorts of drama over this, posting on Facebook about how real men should know where their priorities lie, how real men stick by family and don’t play with little girls who are gold diggers who only care about having a huge rock.

One status said “show me the paperwork and I might believe the ring isn’t real lol” and another one was some stupid quote about being distracted by shiny things that turn out to be coal in disguise. (Me I’m guessing lol) she commented “lmao 😂😂😂” on my instagram picture of my ring. I deleted the comment.

I only know this about her Facebook statuses because Michael showed me through his account. Tina deleted me off of everything and even blocked me. She sent out a mass email to the whole family and announced that her and Hannah will not be attending my wedding nor supporting Michaels marriage to me and then listing all of the reasons. (I don’t really love him. I’m a gold digger, Michael doesn’t care about his family anymore)

However at the end of the email she said she may consider believing Michael if she saw proof that my ring wasn’t real. Reddit, I’m at a complete loss as to what to do here. Michael is also shocked but not really because he is so used to his sisters’ antics.

He took my side and I appreciate that but when I talked to him about cutting his family off for good he seemed hesitant. I think he just doesn’t wanna create more drama. But I need him to draw hard lines here. The thing is, I don’t want Tina and Hannah coming along every few months asking for money and judging us.

I don’t want my marriage to involve their pettiness and begging. I won’t give any of my hard earned money to them, that’s for sure. I don’t want Michael to either but I guess I can’t force him not to. I just worry because that could be money our future children need. Or money WE need. How can I handle this situation? At this point I never wanna see the sisters again.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Fitzwilliger −  There is a gold digger here, but it isn’t you.

ShelfLifeInc −  she sent out a mass email to the whole family and announced that her and Hannah will not be attending my wedding. Hallelujah, she’s done the dirty work for you! You need to have a good long talk with Michael, with a counsellor present if necessary.

You guys need to ensure you’re both on the same page in regards to what your obligations to your extended family are, and how you spend your money now and in the future. I think cutting his sisters out of your lives should absolutely be a no-brainer for both of you,

but it sounds like Michael’s still struggling to let go of his internalised belief (no doubt hammered into him since childhood) that Sisters Are God and Must Be Obeyed. But both of you are a team – work with him to extract himself from his toxic family (as it flies in the face of everything he’s been taught from day one), but be firm with your boundaries.

But seriously, do not invite the sisters to the wedding. Even when they *belevolently* change their minds and decree that they will come to the wedding, even when they s**k up to you, even when they demand to know why they aren’t your bridesmaids, even when they kick and scream at you for stealing their brother away.

Being invited to your wedding is a priviledge, not a right, and their behaviour has put them very very firmly in the negative.

[Reddit User] −  My wife has an enormous engagement ring. (1.7 carats) Everyone believes it is a diamond. It’s not, its a topaz. The reason that I am not believed when I say that, is because topaz is normally blue and this is very clear. It’s pretty damn special to both of us, because her father cut the stone.

Next thing, moissanite isn’t fake. It is different to a diamond, and if you wanted it, it’s special too. I’d rather a moissanite ring too. Your in laws are a lot like my wife’s in laws. Materialistic, self absorbed, narcissistic assholes. You don’t need them in your life. They have already made the decision to stay away from the wedding. Thank them for their thoughtfulness.

I moved countries to escape my family, and now talk to them three or four times a year.. No regrets.

wittythiswaycomes −  Umm you better decide what’s going on with supporting his sisters before you get married.

[Reddit User] −  I talked to him about cutting his family off for good he seemed hesitant His sisters are s**t, and they deserve to be cut out from your lives. But there is a way to compromise between you and Michael. Instead of cutting all ties with them, you could temporarily cut contact.

Like, he doesn’t need to go visit them until they apologize. Or, if he’s on the phone with one of them, if they start bitching about the ring, then he can hang up. And definitely not give them any more money. Basically, temporarily block them and tell them he won’t talk to them until they apologize.

Pm_me_some_dessert −  This is definitely going to be all up to him to set boundaries and draw lines. He needs to put his sisters in his place – he’s not giving them an allowance, his relationship with you is not up for discussion, and how much he spent on your engagement ring is none of their business.

You two might benefit from pre-marital counseling to make sure you’re both on the same page about key issues like helping family out with financial issues – it sounds like his sisters are used to running to him in an emergency and you both need to agree on how to handle future requests.

When you bring it up with him I would phrase it as “pre-marital counseling” and not as “therapy” or something – you two both seem to be handling the situation well, but having an outside perspective to guide you through these discussions could be useful.

jamethielbane −  W O W. Unless he decides to draw a hard line here, you are going to be married to a man who is supporting his sisters, who feel completely ok about abusing you.. This is not ok. I would honestly tell Michael that by not cutting them off, he is tacitly condoning their abuse of you. He actually does need to make a decision here.

It’s not fair to ask you to put up with that kind of abuse. Block them on all social media, and seriously consider if you want to marry into this crazy, given that the only one who can set boundaries is him and he’s not willing to do so.

Rosebunse −  Even if you cut them out completely, these women sound like the types to come back, and come back…and pretty much just be a sticky little stain forevermore. I think you need to tell him that you love him dearly, but that you simply don’t think you can handle entwining your life with their’s until you’ve both set hard lines.

Like, really, what happens when you guys have kids? What if these women want to be involved then? Or what if their poor financial situation keeps you guys from being able to afford a necessity?

Good_Advice_Service −  I think you need to resolve the MUCH larger issue than the ring here. Michael is TERRIBLE at setting boundaries with his sisters. He enables their n**cissism massively. He needs INTENSE therapy, and realistically to go zero contact with them both.

I think this therapy should be a precondition of marrying him. He doesnt understand how awful this relationship is. He is too used to being a pushover who people bully into things and that MUST change before you marry him.