Me [25F] with my sister [26F]. She has 5 kids, is planning on a sixth. My family wants me to take them when they get removed from the home.

A Redditor shares a heartbreaking dilemma—her sister, already struggling to care for five neglected children, is trying for a sixth. With child services closely monitoring the situation, their family expects her to take in the children if they are removed.

While she loves her nieces and nephews, she has worked hard to break the cycle of poverty and neglect in her family and fears sacrificing her own children’s well-being. She seeks advice on whether to take in the kids or let them go into the foster system, as well as how to support her sister in improving her life. Read the full story below:

‘ Me [25F] with my sister [26F]. She has 5 kids, is planning on a sixth. My family wants me to take them when they get removed from the home.’

My sister and I have the same dad but different moms (my dad left her mom for my mom. I know. It’s kinda s**tty.) Neither of my parents have more than a grade 9 education, and both make just slightly above minimum wage. My sister (like every other woman in my family) got pregnant when she was 16, and moved out on social assistance.

I wanted to break the cycle, and although I tot pregnant at 20, I went to university, married the father of my child and am now working towards my Masters. I have a lot of pride in the fact that I broke a 3 generation teen pregnancy, high school drop out cycle. My sister now has five kids ranging in age from 10-3.

Normally, I couldn’t care less how many kids someone has because it’s none of my business, but this whole situation is impacting everyone negatively. My sister and her husband do not work. They have to get Christmas hampers, borrow money, and live on social assistance. They also don’t take care of their house. It’s literally like an episode of hoarders in there.

There’s cat and dog poop all over the floors, mouldy food everywhere, dirty diapers etc. My nephew was once so hungry I caught him eating a bowl of mouldy cheerios once when I visited(I’m tearing up just writing that). We have all gone there multiple times to try and help them clean up, and have gotten 2-3 dumpsters full of garbage out each time.

Every time my husband and I take the kids, we have to take them out and buy them clothes for while they’re staying with us. The clothes they come in don’t fit, reek like cat pee and are always inappropriate for the situation. For example, every summer we take one of them camping (they never get to do anything with out all their siblings and it’s something they each look forward to each year).

It was a 6 day camping trip and all that was in my nieces bag were a pair of her older brothers jogging pants (he’s 10, she’s 5!) And a weird ripped fleece dress that was 3 sizes too small. This is a common occurrence. On Sunday we had our sons birthday party and all the nieces and nephews were invited.

3 of them don’t have any winter gear and were wearing Jean jackets and running shoes in negative 10 degree weather. The oldest had dog poop on his pants, and the youngest had gum stuck in her hair. The entire time all my sister would talk about was how they can’t wait to have their sixth child and they’re already trying. I’m honestly shocked.

They have no means to take care of the five of they have. I get that it’s not really my business, but the fact is, children’s services are already very involved. If things get any worse, they will lose all the kids and the general family consensus seems to be that I’ll take them in when that happens.

I love those kids, but my husband and I have worked extremely hard to be able to give our two children good lives. I don’t want to sacrifice their happiness and well being because of someone else’s mistakes. On top of all this, my sister has been diagnosed with some sort of personality disorder and her psychologist straight up told her she should stop having babies because it’s negatively affecting her.

I’m so saddened by this. I want to help them but I’m honestly out of ideas and patience. should I just bite the bullet and take the kids in when they get removed? Child services has given them one last chance to fix the situation, and the two of them haven’t done anything about it. Or should I let them go into the foster system? I just need outside perspective.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

capilot −  the general family consensus seems to be that I’ll take them in when that happens. You need to nip that in the bud. The longer your family is allowed to believe this, the worse it will get when you say “no”.

C1awed −  You’re not under an obligation to take them in. Normally my advice would be about family, and love, and its not the kid’s fault, and keeping everyone together is worth a little discomfort and adjustment. But this isn’t one or two kids.. This is potentially *six*. Which would bring your total number of children to *eight*.

That’s not a small adjustment. That’s a major life shift. That’s a new house, new vehicles, second or third jobs to afford everything shift. I know of very few people who could afford – literally afford – to suddenly expand their family from four to ten.

I think, in this case, letting the foster system take the children in is in everyone’s best interests. You should be able to keep track of them, find out which homes they’re going to, keep in touch, make sure they’re all doing okay, etc. You don’t have to abandon them just because you can’t house them.

re: helping your sister: you’re screwed until you can get her to understand her situation and how bad things are. You can clean and shop for them until you’re exhausted and broke and if she doesn’t pull her head out of her ass and start actually parenting then you might as well be raising them yourselves.

You could try to get her to see a therapist or a social worker and get advice, but you can’t actually force her to do anything. I’d say let her hit rock bottom and reach out for help but she’s there now and seems to be enjoying it. I think it may be best for the kids to be away from her and that house for a while. While I think you can help your sister improve her life, I don’t think you can save her family.

Inevitablename −  Five or perhaps six kids is not “biting the bullet”, that’s like biting a nuclear weapon. You will try, out of guilt, and the ensuing chaos will break you , your husband, and your two kids. The kids will go to foster care anyway.

The best solution, honestly, is if you can take even one or two, and the others go to other family members. I hate splitting up siblings, but five kids would get divided up in foster care too. At least this way it’d be family placement with no official termination of parental rights.

You need to have a family pow wow where you CLEARLY EXPLAIN you cannot take all five kids and that they MUST also accommodate the kids or they are going to foster care. It may end up being a combination of foster care, family placement, and your sister keeping whatever new kid until she fails again.

bozoconnors −  No. Don’t you f**king dare. You are their AUNT. You can be a great AUNT still. You will probably be in contention for the best (actually, already ARE!! considering things you’ve done for them), aunt on the planet! It is not worth turning your entire life upside down, and I’d hazard – with some experience/wisdom under their belt, those kids would NOT want that either.

Hell, it would likely ruin the one “safe zone” that you provide! Also… just an aside, you didn’t mention how your husband feels about any of this. At all.

[Reddit User] −  OP, I’m not sure you taking all 6 children would be healthy or wise for your family or for your nieces/nephews. I don’t need to go into the reasons why, as everyone seems to have already covered that, but it is probably safe to say that you can rule that out as an option.

However, you can still be there in ways that matter. If the kids are split up (which they probably will be) you can provide a hub for them to all come together and keep in contact with each other. You can provide support, guidance and the knowledge that they have a solid (sane!) family member who cares about them.

Talk with CPS when the time comes and let them know how much you’re willing to do and stay in regular contact with the kids. I know this all seems sort of obvious but there seem to be a lot of ‘this isn’t your problem’ type messages on this thread and whilst I very much doubt you feel that way because of the amount you do already; I just wanted to press the general point that they deserve someone to care.

I have family members and work with children who came through the care system and I dread to think what would have happened to those kids if they didn’t have some form of loving family behind them. It sounds like what you’re doing for the kids already is amazing – and most importantly, you care about them. Keep on that track and you’ll be doing right by them.

MySolicitedAdvice −  No. Your parents and siblings do not get to put this on you. Everyone who thinks those kids should stay in the family needs to take in ONE kid to their own house. You’ll find out really quickly what they really think is best for those kids.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think those kids are well served staying in the family. If I were you, I would take ZERO. (I also would call child and family services. Those kids need a stable home, NOW.)

psuedonymously −  It’s not clear where you live, but taking in six kids is no joke. As much as CPS will want to keep siblings together and with family, in many jurisdictions there would be restrictions on this many kids (six plus your two) being placed in one home.

[Reddit User] −  You’d be enabling her s**tty behavior by taking her kids for her. You’d do all the hard parenting work and I’m sure she would still get to see them if you had them. She needs to feel the severity of her s**tty actions.

Usually courts give s**tty parents a way to get back on track and get their kids back too, but she needs to earn that. YOU should be calling CPS on her and speed up the process. Your nibbling is eating mold for Christ’s sake.

[Reddit User] −  If you do this, your own kids will HATE AND RESENT you for the rest of their lives. You will DESTROY them.

SayceGards −  This should be posted in the side bar: **Do not light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm** You need to put yourself and your family first. You are in charge of two small humans and their entire lives. You need to put them, and yourself, first.

This is an incredibly difficult situation with no easy answers. Should she take in the children and risk overwhelming her own family, or trust the foster system to provide them with stability? What would you do in her position? Share your thoughts below.