Me [23M] with my GF [23F]. She’s pregnant and people are telling me to prepare for the worst.

A 23-year-old man is grappling with overwhelming fear as he and his pregnant girlfriend navigate a high-risk pregnancy complicated by pre-eclampsia. The couple, excited to welcome their first child, are facing a storm of challenges: the girlfriend’s health has deteriorated, early labor may be necessary, and well-meaning but harsh advice from others has only added to the stress.

The man’s difficult childhood has left him without a model for fatherhood, intensifying his self-doubt and fear of losing the family he treasures. To understand more about their struggles and emotional journey, read the full story below…

‘ Me [23M] with my GF [23F]. She’s pregnant and people are telling me to prepare for the worst.’

I’m living a nightmare when this was supposed to be the best time of my life. Our lives. I don’t know how relevant this s**t is, but I had a terrible childhood. My parents tried to sell me when I was 4 for dr*gs. Yes. I was then taken away from them and bounced through the foster system until I was 15, when I was adopted by a man who already had a biological son and another adopted child (he’s the eldest in our family).

They’re a nice family and they offered me shelter and love. But I guess I was a little too damaged and I acted out. Had a huge fall out with them and moved out when I was 18. We’ve reconciled and are on very good terms now, but my point is that I never had a constant parental figure in my life, I have always been on my own.

Then I met Nita, and fell in love and we started dating. It started with casual hookups and then transformed into a relationship and, basically, she saved me. I love her more than anything. We got pregnant, and it wasn’t planned and we were terrified but happy. I knew our lives were going to change, but I didn’t see the bad stuff coming.

The first trimester was hell, and Nita lost 15 pounds because she couldn’t keep anything down. She was in constant pain and nausea and miserable. We thought, okay, first trimesters can be really awful. This is our first pregnancy and none of use knew how to handle it properly. Near the end of the first trimester, we discovered that she has pre-eclampsia.

It was explained to us how dangerous that is, and we were given a list of things to do so we could have a relatively normal pregnancy and keep it at low risk. Nita has been on bed rest since then, going crazy and growing depressed. The only time I see her smiling is when our baby kicks. She’s tired and drained all the time, and she’s eight months pregnant now.

She’s getting worse and our doctor is saying we may have to induce labor early. And everyone is telling me to prepare for the worst, that I can lose them both, that I will probably lose one of them and I’m so f**king terrified that I can’t think straight. I’m pissed off. I don’t know what the f**k I did to lose everything I love all the f**king time.

And I can see how worried and sad Nita is and I don’t know how to handle this. How do I handle this? I want to convince her that everything will be okay but I can’t convince myself. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been by her side all the time, we both really want a family, this baby, even it’s early to have kids.

I’m so angry because everyone kept telling us we were making a mistake by having a baby now, and we both told them all to f**k off because who the hell says that? We’re having a girl that is very much wanted, but I don’t know how to make it alright, how to comfort my girlfriend, how to not crumble in front of her and scare her even more.

I believe we can pull through this, that it’s not as bad as they make it look, but it’s like we have an entire world against us and I’m lost. I’m scared I’ll lose my girls, I’m scared I won’t know how to be a father, I never had one. I’m terrified here.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

WhiteTiger311 −  And everyone is telling me to prepare for the worst. “Everyone” is giving you terrible advice. Don’t prepare for the worst. Pre-eclampsia, when diagnosed early, is very manageable and lots of people give birth just fine with it, even if they are induced early. You will NOT probably lose one of them. That’s insane.

I work in connection with the health care field and I can tell you whoever is giving you advice is crazy. Listen to her OB-GYN. That’s the expert.

2-4-decadienal5 −  Stop listening to anyone but her doctor! Cut anyone who talks negatively out of your life until the baby is born, the last thing you (or she) needs is negative energy. You need to be there for your girlfriend, and you can’t be if all you’re hearing is negativity from people.

[Reddit User] −  Dude, I had preeclampsia, my daughter is 10 weeks tomorrow. PM me with any questions you have.

[Reddit User] −  I had pre-eclampsia, verging on eclampsia.. It came on FAST. I was fine at 3O weeks. Had my daughter by emergency c-section at 31 weeks.. I gain 25 lbs of water in 8 days.
My blood pressure was so high they were certain I would strike out. But as soon as I was in the hospital with meds and supervision I was ok. My daughter was ok too.

She was 3lbs but didn’t even need oxygen. She is 13 now and taller than me. Lol. People are unnecessarily freaking you out. Just talk to the doctors. Your wife and child will be fine. Pre-eclampsia is scary, but manageable.

[Reddit User] −  The idea you are going to lose one of them, never mind both, is totally crazy. This is 2016, not 1816. The baby is already 8 months. Even if she gave birth now its chances are almost as good as a full term. It is like 99.99% compared to 99.9%. Without a preexisting medical condition the chances of your gf dying are even lower.

Honestly this whole thing reads crazy. Get more sleep and stress less. You are almost there.

[Reddit User] −  Tell them to shut the f**k up. They all sound so annoying, like someone else says; cut these people out of your life. You do not need these types of people around you and your girlfriend, it’s just going to stress you two out.

DinahMyte77 −  You might want to ask her OBGYN’s office whether they have advice or know of resources for new fathers. You’re far from the first father-to-be who has poor or absent male role models.

beratedlime −  I know nothing is set in stone, but you should stop listening to all these negative people and listen closely to what the docs are saying. At 8 months pregnant, both your lady and your baby have an excellent chance of survival. This is just an anecdote, but my sister-in-law had preeclampsia during both of her pregnancies – she had one baby at 29 weeks and her second baby at 26 weeks.

She had a seizure, temporary blindness, and she had to have emergency c-section in both cases. They are all happy and healthy today! Yes, the babies had to spend time in the NICU due to being so incredibly early, but they are still fine now!

Please remember that neonatal intensive care is the best it’s ever been. At 8 months, and if she’s following her doctor’s orders very closely, she should be fine. Best of luck and congrats on your little family!

TogetherInABookSea −  I don’t know why, but people are f**king mean when you tell them you’re expecting. “You’ll always be tired” “never have s** again”. Never, always, never, always, never, always. It’s horrible. Yes, having a child is hard work, but so rewarding. My pregnancy was hard.

I was on bed rest, I had a sudden onset of pre-e, and it all ended with an induction and hemoraging. Scary stuff. We’re 9 months in and already talking about the next one. Medical science is amazing right now. If people start saying negative stuff, shut them down. Tell them it’s inappropriate and they should be ashamed of themselves.

[Reddit User] −  Three kids. Had to be induced three times for pre-eclampsia. Three healthy babies. I felt better an hour after birth than I had in months. And doctors don’t mess around with pre-eclampsia, if she’s eight months along and hasn’t been induced yet that’s actually a great sign.

Educate yourself via the doctors, not friends, not even here. This is a time of a lot of change but you can do this, you can do hard things.. Good luck and congrats!