Me [23F] with my husband [25M], married 3 months. He has to sleep with the TV on. It’s driving me nuts.

A newlywed is struggling to find a middle ground with her husband over his need to sleep with the TV on. While she’s discovered that sleeping in silence greatly improves her rest and alleviates back pain, her husband insists he can’t sleep without the TV.

Attempts to compromise, like a trial week without the TV, haven’t resolved the issue. As the conflict impacts her health and comfort, she’s left searching for a fair solution. For the full story and community suggestions, read on below.

‘ Me [23F] with my husband [25M], married 3 months. He has to sleep with the TV on. It’s driving me nuts.’

A few months ago I realized I was having serious back problems. My back *constantly* hurt. I went to the chiropractor and he said he doesn’t see any issues. He popped my back a few times and while I felt a little comfort, it didn’t fix the problem. He referred me to a doctor and she didn’t see anything either. This is important.

Well, my husband has to sleep with the TV on. He’s always been like that. He says he can’t sleep without it. I technically *can* sleep with the TV on, I just prefer not to. Well, a few days ago my back was hurting pretty bad and I was having trouble sleeping. I asked my husband to please turn off the TV as I was already having trouble falling asleep.

He said no, which really hurt my feelings. So I went to sleep on the couch. I wasn’t rude about it and didn’t fight with him. I just wanted to get some sleep! And it was the BEST night of sleep I had in a really long time. So I concluded that the reason it was so good is because I was able to sleep on my back.

Normally, when I sleep with my husband, I have to sleep on one side of my body because the TV is extremely bright and shines right through my eyelids. My husband was very upset I slept on the couch but when I explained to him how great I felt the next day he seemed to not be as upset.

So, I asked him if we could just try sleeping with the TV off for one week. ONE WEEK!!! He agreed but said we were “just trying this” and that it’s “not permanent”. So, we tried it, and I was able to sleep on my back for the rest of the week. I felt great. Better than I had in a long time. My husband watched movies on his phone with headphones for the week.

Well, when the week was up, I went to bed and he had the TV on and wouldn’t turn it off. He said that we tried it for a week and that was that. Reddit, I don’t know what to do. I have showed him MANY online resources that show how bad it is for you to sleep with the TV on. He doesn’t care.

He says he absolutely cannot sleep without the TV on. I obviously can’t sleep on the couch every night. And I don’t think it’s fair of me to ask him to turn off something that helps him sleep. I really can’t think of a good compromise.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

BeepBeepRichie1 −  If I knew that sleeping with the TV off would help my significant other’s chronic pain, I’d be desperately searching for a solution. I’d be researching why the TV helps certain people sleep, trying out white noise machines, doing the headphones/iPhone thing in the meantime, ANYTHING. I think most couples would be like this. Your husband doesn’t give a f**k if it helps your chronic pain. That’s who you married.

shelbyknits −  What does he like about having the TV on? The light? The noise? You might be able to duplicate that with a nightlight or a noise generator and sort of “step down” from the TV.

[Reddit User] −  I’m someone who prefers to fall asleep with the TV on, and your husband is being a bit ridiculous. Years ago, I started watching Netflix on my laptop on my nightstand, turning my screen brightness way down, and turning the volume to where I can just barely hear it rather than a blasting TV.

This way, my husband can fall asleep almost immediately, and I still get my nightly Family Guy. 🙂 Is this something that would be possible, ish? I hate to give him anything in this situation because he’s being such a baby considering your back condition right now, but I do see his side as someone who needs white noise to fall asleep.. My worry is this:. He doesn’t care.

Have you sat him down and told him how much this bothers you rather than just being upset about how bad it is? Have you offered alternatives like a noise machine? There are some wonderful websites, apps, etc. where you can even mix your own ambient sounds. Those have been super helpful to me, too.. Edit: Corrected a word

nowandlater −  To me, sleeping with the TV off is the default. If he wants it on, he needs to convince YOU, not the other way around.

ki10_butt −  My husband and I are the exact opposite of you & your husband: I’ve always slept with the TV on, and he prefers to sleep in pitch black. We made a compromise: We go to sleep with the TV on, but use the sleep timer.

I’m usually asleep before the TV goes off, and my husband doesn’t have to deal with the TV being on all night then. If I happen to wake up and can’t get back to sleep, I’ll go out to the living room and watch TV or whatever so as not to disturb him. It’s actually worked out quite well for us. If you can, you should try what we do.

cardinal29 −  UNBELIEVABLE!  3 months married? So 3 months ago he stood up in front of God and all the relatives and promised “in sickness and in health,” but he doesn’t care that you’re in pain and loosing sleep?. What a s**tty husband.

orangekitti −  Honestly, he is wrong here. Sleeping with light and noise is just not possible for some people. And it’s not like you’re annoyed by something small, like the creaking of a house, or something he can’t help, like snoring, or even white noise like a fan. The T.V. is bright, loud, and have uneven noise patterns like speech that are very distracting compared to a steady machine.

My boyfriend always had a T.V. in his room, and when I would stay over it’d be really difficult for me to fall asleep. After a while we compromised- he falls asleep quickly, so we set the t.v. to an automatic timer where it turned off after X minutes of inactivity. Once we moved in together, the problem solved itself as we only have one t.v., which is out in the living room.

However, we both agree that when we get a house there will be no t.v. in the bedroom. Now he uses a fan, and I have to say that I love it! It’s nice for blocking out apartment noises. Tell your husband that it’s not fair for him to demand his way or the highway. If he wants to sleep with the t.v. on,

he can either accept that you won’t be sleeping in the same room, or he has to find some way to compromise, like the automatic turn-off timer I mentioned. He can’t expect you to just deal with the pain and the exhaustion because he can’t try something new. Buy a fan and see if that breaks him of the t.v. habit completely.

[Reddit User] −  How about this? He can sleep on the couch if he wants the TV.

ShelfLifeInc −  My husband was very upset I slept on the couch So, he insists on you sleeping in bed with him, and also insists on the television on. Basically, he wants everything *his* way, even when it causes you pain. I got really bad headaches and back pain until an ex-lover told me to sleep only on my back.

It worked. Now I sleep like a log, and have no pain whatsoever. Another thing that works for me? I have a separate bed to my partner. We share a bed about 3 times a week, but we have our own beds and bedrooms to retire to.

If your husband is being so pig-headed about sleeping with the TV on, maybe you should consider separate rooms. Or, kick the husband and and television out of the bedroom and make him sleep on the couch. Bedrooms are for sleeping and relaxing in; televisions belong in the living room.

Imsolost123456789 −  Well, my compromise was going to be watching movies on a phone/tablet with headphones on, but that sounds like what he did before.Obviously, you both need sleep and the current arrangement is causing you pain (a healthy 23-year-old should not be in constant back pain). Has he explained what about the TV helps him sleep? Noise, light? Could he keep the hall light on and have a fan running?