Me [19 M]. My grandfather [84 M] has passed away and asked me to play Taps at his funeral.
A young Redditor, grieving the loss of his grandfather, faces a deeply personal dilemma. His grandfather, a Korean War veteran, had asked him to play Taps on the trumpet at his funeral—
a heartfelt request the Redditor initially agreed to but now feels unsure he can fulfill. Torn between honoring his grandfather’s last wish and his fear of faltering, he seeks advice on what to do. Read the original story below.
‘ Me [19 M]. My grandfather [84 M] has passed away and asked me to play Taps at his funeral.?’
My grandfather recently passed away. A couple months before his d**th, he asked if I would play taps for him at his funeral. I told him I would do this for him because it seemed like it was the last thing he wanted and I had no idea how I could possibly turn him down.
Now that the time has come I don’t know if I can get up in front of his casket with all his family and friends there and get the notes out. I am afraid I will mess up or not be able to even begin playing. I’d feel like I failed him. On the other hand I want to respect his last wishes and do this for him.
Only my parents and I know that he wanted this, and my parents have tried to express to me that if I don’t want to do it, that it would be fine and I can just sit with everyone else while a designated serviceman “performs” it (they do it by a recording now, while someone stands and pretends to play).
I am afraid I may hate myself forever if I go on knowing I let him die thinking I was going to do something for him, only to not follow through.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
sloanerose − I know it will be hard but I believe that you can do it. You may cry, you may mess up a note, but no one will care and everyone will be in awe of how much strength it took to stand up there and do that. My younger brother sang a song at my aunts funeral this past November.
He cried while he was singing and had to choke out the words at some points but it was SO beautiful and incredibly moving to everyone. I think you will regret not playing this for him if you don’t. Just remember that it’s okay if you have to stop and start over. I’m rooting for you.
[Reddit User] − “At his funeral” – not necessarily in front of everybody – ask the funeral home director if you could come early and practice when nobody else is there
– that might help you get your emotions out of the way and give you the confidence you need to play in front of everybody AGAIN if you want. BTW, funeral directors, in my experience, are always very accommodating
bunnehnoms − Hey trumpet player checking in. I just played taps at my grandfather’s funeral last March. I can totally relate from a trumpet perspective- not everyone understands dry mouth or your chops not working from nerves or being upset.
I wanted to offer some advice based on what I did- I played the taps in a lower key so that the odds of my face working on an upsetting day were a lot higher. Instead of starting on the G in the staff, I started on the D below the staff.
They were still lovely and taps are not like the national anthem- they don’t have to be in a certain key. I really hope that helps. I was literally in your exact position. Message me if you want the notes. Best of luck, this worked wonderfully for me
Tackbracka − It is your grandfathers wish, I imagine you wil regret it if you do not play. If you f**k up a note, start over. In my opinion there is no way you can fail your grandfather. Also take in account that the alternative is a lip-synching serviceman. (why on earth do they use a recording, i think that is disrespectful)
1lluss − Whatever you decide, don’t be too hard on yourself. Funerals are emotional. No one will take offense if you struggle to play. I think you should get up there and do your best. Practice, and you will be sure to do great. Good luck!
DariusxSejuani − I played taps at my own grandfather’s funeral, albeit on the flute (non-traditional, i know). This was at both my grandfather and grandmother’s request. I felt just as nervous as you, but it’s something I wouldn’t trade for anything.
The look on my grandmother’s face alone would have been worth it, even if it wasn’t his wish too. I’m not saying it won’t be hard, but you should do it. Just remember that playing taps doesn’t mean you can’t be sad, or cry, or grieve openly.
It’s just a way to say goodbye–and if anything, remember that it is a sign of your grandfather’s love and respect that he asked you, and not anyone else, to do it.
gillianosaurus − As a soldier who has “played” the bugle for many funerals, and as a daughter who gave her father’s eulogy, I encourage you to play at your grandfather’s funeral. There were several times during my father’s eulogy that I had to stop speaking to regain my composure because I was about to lose my s**t,
but that doesn’t matter. No one will remember if you falter. What they’ll remember is the beautiful honor you paid him by playing for his funeral. It will bring peace to those that loved him, and that is what people remember.
slash178 − Taps is a very emotional song and you being emotional while playing it is kind of *part of the song*. I have seen many people play taps with tears, or even screwing it up, or pausing for interdeterminate amounts of time. You’ll be fine.
EllieSauce − Dude, you’ve got this. Here’s what you’re gonna do – First, start practicing at home by yourself. A lot. More than you think you need. Its an easy melody to play, and you need to get it in your finger’s memory so that you could play it in your sleep if you have to. You want your fingers to be on auto-pilot at the funeral.
Got it memorized now? OK, now go play it in front of a friend or sibling, or mom and dad. Get used to doing in front of a few people. This may even be a little emotional. But thats ok, you’ll now know what its like to play it when you’re feeling it.
Finally, if there’s time, practice it at the funeral home. It always helps to be familiar with the actual environment you’ll be in. There won’t be a dry eye in the room, but that’s ok. You’ll be honoring your grandpa in the best way you know how and creating a special memory for you family.. You can do it.
Ethelfleda − Make the effort. When he was your age, he was just as scared but facing a war. If you mess up or cry that is life and everyone will understand. Courage is being afraid and doing it anyway.
This situation highlights the weight of honoring a loved one’s last wishes while grappling with personal fears. Do you think the Redditor should try to perform despite his worries, or is it more important to find another way to pay tribute? How would you handle such an emotionally charged moment? Share your thoughts below!
For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/YAkqe