Married friend (26F) can’t stop talking about my (27F) ex boyfriend

A Reddit user (27F) is struggling with her long-time friend (26F), who has been married but keeps talking about the user’s ex-boyfriend. Despite the fact that they had been close in the past, the friend’s constant references to the ex, even after the user broke up with him, are making the situation uncomfortable. After a dinner where the topic came up once again, the user feels it’s time to distance herself. Read the full story below…

‘ Married friend (26F) can’t stop talking about my (27F) ex boyfriend’

I have known her since we were in grade 4. We lived in the same neighbourhood and went to the same school. We were good friends till high school and eventually drifted apart. My best friend and she used to go to the same college and used to tell how she was c**ngy with a guy even though she had a boyfriend who went to a different college. I kept away from her and thought I would never be in touch with her but we were friends on Facebook.

I finished college and moved to a different country when I learned her father had passed away. I felt really bad and reached out to her. She mentioned she was also moving to the country and we decided to meet up. My boyfriend and I met her for lunch and eventually my boyfriend and her husband became friends. I broke up with my boyfriend and she said how she would have gone after my ex if only she wasn’t married because he’s really cute. I told her what he did to me but it made no difference to her.

She had plans of meeting my ex out for dinner and invited me out too. I stopped hanging out with her after that. She kept messaging me to meet quite a few times and I kept making excuses. I finally cave in and planned a dinner with her for today, but she wouldn’t stop talking about my ex. Telling how he is one of her close friends and how they keep sending each other snapchats (like it was a big deal for her). It felt really annoying I cut the dinner short and headed home.

I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. How should I tell her that I don’t want to be friends with her without hurting her feelings? How do I stay away from her? Tldr: married friend became close friend of my ex after we broke up and keeps talking about him every time we meet.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

dwhyyou −  Girl you’re still worried about sparing her feelings after all of this??? Just be honest with her that the way she acts with you is unacceptable and you’re not interested in continuing this friendship.

MyMumIsDad −  I wonder how her husband would feel or if he even knows about this guy…

ugghyyy −  Do you want to say something to her because I would just ghost her, she’s not your friend, she’s likely having an affair with your ex and is trying to throw it in your face. She only wants you to come around if he is around as an excuse for her husband. Cut ties and move on.

[Reddit User] −  Tell her she is being insensitive and rude, because she is. That is not how you support someone who has just gone through a breakup.

ThunderofHipHippos −  I know you “can’t tell people who to be friends with,” but someone who cozies up to your pain and rubs salt in the wound isn’t a friend. “I respect and care for you, but think we’ve had boundary problems recently. Poopface is still a sore subject to me after the way he treated me. I’ve made that clear, but you continue to disrespect both your husband and me by speaking about him in a way I find inappropriate. I care for you, but think it would be best if we took some time apart for now.”

Venetrix2 −  Tell her that you’re not trying to dictate who she’s friends with, but your ex is still a sore subject for you and you’re setting a boundary where you don’t put yourself in situations where he’s present, or constantly being talked about. If she can’t respect that, she’s not going to have a relationship with you.

Solid_Election −  Why are you still friends with her? She is having an affair with your ex behind her husbands back.

frankensteeeeen −  Why do you even give a s**t about her feelings, block her and move on with your life.

lortaj −  First of all, she’s wack as hell for openly disrespecting her husband like that… especially with one of his friends. She’s tone-deaf for even thinking it’s remotely okay to habitually talk about your ex to you. Maybe say something like: “This friendship is a no for me. I don’t like how you are this obsessed with my ex and quite frankly, this behavior is disrespectful to your husband. Either leave this whole thing alone and leave me alone or I’ll tell your husband.”

Paranoidexboyfriend −  Your “friend” doesn’t really value your friendship much at all. What she values is the relationship with your ex. She either is f**king him, and wants you to both condone it, and dive in so you can both talk about how awesome and sexy he is and how it totally justifies cheating on her dud (in comparison) of a husband, and she’s so much luckier than you that she’s the one that gets to f**k him now; OR.

She hasn’t fucked him yet, but desperately wants to f**k him, and is using you either to help make that happen, or wants to live vicariously through your past adventures with him. She is either being held back by not wanting to feel like a cheater (hoping that your endorsement gives her the green light morally), or he hasn’t shown sufficient interest.