Just had my first date in 5 years. I was a disaster.

A guy shares his disappointing experience after going on his first date in five years, which ended up being a disaster. He put a lot of effort into planning the perfect day, researching topics to impress his match and setting up an ideal itinerary.

However, things took a strange turn when a tarot reader unexpectedly stole the spotlight—and his date’s attention. Feeling powerless and left out, he ended the date abruptly.

‘Just had my first date in 5 years. I was a disaster.’

So, I[26m] haven’t been very lucky with tinder, until last week. I super liked this girl Kara[21f] (fictional name), and to my surprise, we matched. She was responding to my messages although herself admitted she was a bad texter and would often left me on read, which is not a problem for me.

So, I finally had the balls to ask if she wanted to meet up. She agreed, yay! Now, I wasn’t going to slack on this opportunity, it was the first date I had in 5 years, I needed to work hard on it. First of all, I made a list of possible topics to talk about based on what I knew of her. She seemed to be a very active feminist.

So, I read some Beauvoir to not be caught off guard if she asked my opinion on anything related. She also happened to be pursuing an art degree. I found out that there was the exhibit of this 70s post modern artist and got two tickets. Again, I kind of read a bit about him, so I could give my input if asked. And finally, she seemed to be very into holistic things (like tarot etc), so I found this coffee place that kind of fit into the theme that we could meet up.

The perfect date was set. We would meet for coffee, talk a bit and then head to the exhibit. If I got lucky, maybe a kiss at the end? I met her at the door and we went inside. The place was very nicely decorated, so we spend some time looking at all the little sculptures and art pieces on the walls. Then, enters Dave (fictional name)

-Some of them are for sale if you interested. I’m also doing tarot reading today.

-We should totally get a reading, Kara said.

-Sure, seems interesting. (BIG MISTAKE)

We went to a table near by and the guy pulled the deck (if that is what is called). The guys procedes to do whatever and talking about her life choices and so on. He got personal, I could see the effect it had on her. She keep looking deeply at his eyes as he laid out what she could be struggling with emotionally. I felt kind of left out, to be honest. Time went by and they’re still talking, about life, relationships etc. Now I’m really bothered by all of this. So I try break it off by saying.

– So, do you want to go to the exhibit? I think it will close in a hour or so.

She smiled, looked at Dave and said: Dude, you would totally love this exhibit. You should totally go with us.

And there you have it. She invited tall, handsome Dave to the exhibit. And he agreed. They kept talking the whole way there. At the door I pretended to take a phone call, and left saying that there was an emergency. She said that it was a bummer, but didn’t seem very sad about it.

I went home and cried in the shower. I never felt so useless in my entire life. This dude just snatched my date away, and all I could do was watch it. I didn’t had very high expectations for how the date would end, but holy shit. Is there any way that I can avoid this kind of situation?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

quietlycommenting – You weren’t a disaster at all. She was mean and should have known it was not ok to invite someone on a date NOT EVEN ORGANISED BY HER. Unacceptable. You were lovely and thoughtful. Keep trying.

FewCranberry6287 (OP) – Right? I just wish I hadn’t give them the tickets though, I could’ve gotten a refund or something.

TyranosaurusLex – IMO this is a lesson not to invest too much in people before you’ve met them in person/gotten to know them. You knocked the date out of the park and put so much thought into it, but save that energy for someone who’s actually special once you’ve gotten to know them.

Again, just my opinion, and I know some people will say to keep trying. But to me, there’s only so much of myself I can give to other people until I know that it’s worth investing in, otherwise there’s not enough you left for yourself (if that makes sense). For this woman, for example, I would have just gotten some drinks or coffee at an artsy bar or something, save the exciting stuff for once she’s impressed you. Once you get the right person you’re gonna knock it out of the park again, I can tell!

hexalm – This is exactly why I roll my eyes when people balk at coffee as a first date because it’s boring. Why invest in someone you haven’t even seen in real life? If you hit it off, do something more fun after coffee, but it’s a good start because it’s low stakes for both parties.

dftaylor – I know it won’t feel this way now, but you got a lucky escape. She’s clearly not very kind and that was a supremely harsh thing to do on a date. One thing for you though, try not to over invest in a first date. The level of planning you did was all centred around someone you don’t know. That’s putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

One woman I dated wanted to do something more exciting than meeting for a drink. We booked a ghost walk and we ended up not going on said walk. Everything just fell apart after we finished our booze and it became very clear we weren’t suited.

Hilariously, she told me she was done and was going home (I was, to be fair, being a bit of a douche that evening, for a variety of insecure reasons). She told me I should still go on the walk (as if I needed permission) before asking me to give her the money back for her ticket.

I met her while out a few times in the next 18 months and she was just weird. She still had my number and would send me lewd photos of herself, so we met for a drink to see if there was something between us, and she decided there wasn’t and basically faded on me.

Six months later, she gets in touch again, following the same pattern of sending lewd photos and suggestive messages. One night she asks if I’ll come over to her place cause she’s horny and lonely, and I went, like an idiot.

Honestly, it was a hideous experience. I realised I didn’t like her at all, but felt awkward about turning up and just leaving, so… Anyway. The moral of the story is this: If someone shows you they aren’t interested or thoughtful or kind at the start, keep away from them.

Reddit User – dude, that girl is a wretched human. I’m sure it hurts, but you didn’t lose someone good.

Shelikestocook – This is terrible. I’m sorry that happened to you 😔 I would have felt awful. The girl clearly has no idea what she wants and went with the flow. I’d say, it’s better to filter such people out early and you saved yourself a bigger heartbreak.

It’s always a good idea to meet for coffee as a first date. Trust me, this is the best idea if you met via an app. I’ve filtered a lot of people out on a first date. It’s cheap and you don’t waste your whole day, if it didn’t go well. In the lockdown, I’ve stuck to a virtual coffee. Second dates can be more elaborate with dinners/ activities. Good luck 🤗