Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months

A 23-year-old man is devastated after discovering that his best friend, Ryan, has been secretly dating his ex-girlfriend, Cassie, for months. This revelation came after the man broke up with Cassie over their differing views on having children, a decision that deeply affected him.

Now, not only is he heartbroken over the end of his long-term relationship, but his best friend has also betrayed him by pursuing a relationship with Cassie. Adding to the pain, their mutual friends seem to be dismissing his feelings, leaving him feeling isolated and lost.

‘ Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months’

Cassie and I were together for 5 years. We started dating in high school and stayed together through college, moved in together after graduation. I’ve been in love with her since before our first date. She’s amazing. I still think so. We were talking about marriage and starting a family soon.

Then one day a few months ago Cassie wanted to “talk,” sat me down, and said she decided she doesn’t want kids. She didn’t just mean not now but not ever. She talked a lot about overpopulation or climate change or whatever but I was just immediately depressed. I’ve always wanted to be a dad.

My dad was a piece of s**t and this is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I was still a kid myself. When she finished talking I told her it was over. She started crying and I was already crying, but f**k. If she doesn’t want the same thing I do from the future what else can I do?

She said she’s been thinking this way for years and corona was the last straw. I’m not going to wait around and hope she changes her mind when she might not. So I moved out and moved in with my best friend “Ryan”. We’ve been friends forever, like we bonded over Pokemon cards at the playground kind of thing.

He’s basically my brother and his mom was my extra mom since I didn’t have much at home growing up. I was in a hurry to move out so I didn’t take much stuff with me, and then I didn’t want to go back to the apartment and see Cassie, so Ryan was doing the good friend thing and going to get stuff for me whenever I needed it.

At least that’s what I thought he was doing. Yesterday would have been me and Cassie’s 6th anniversary and it was really rough for me, so I told Ryan I didn’t want to be alone and wanted to hang out and game all day with him.

He agreed and everything, but he was kind of distracted on his phone a lot, and after a couple hours he said “something came up” and just left me there alone. S**t got dark. I’m not ashamed to say I cried. There were reasons I didn’t want to be alone that day.

Almost midnight last night, Ryan finally came home and was acting weird so I asked what was up. I thought maybe his mom was sick or something, she’s a teacher at a school that just reopened. But no Ryan sits me down and tells me he’s moving out. He’s been secretly dating Cassie since a few weeks after we split.

He says they’re in love already and that she needs him more than I do, so he’s moving into the apartment with her and leaving me here alone to rot. I don’t even know how the f**k to process this. I don’t know which one of them has broken me more.

To make things worse I messaged some of our other friends this morning to tell them what’s up and they already knew. When I got upset they all said it was “no big deal” because I’m the one who broke up with Cassie.

Where do I even go from here? I can’t talk to my friends, my ex broke my heart, my best friend stomped on it, and the closest thing I have to family is gone because they were his family too. I’m lost and don’t know where else to turn.

Check out how the community responded:

HygorBohmHubner −  Based on your Edit…. dude, I’m so sorry… I wish I had advice, but I don’t. All I can say is, I’m sorry.

Sejasojiro −  He was never your friend

A_movable_life −  ” i’m about to be homeless in a pandemic”. I’m sorry man.

[Reddit User] −  Based on your edit, like others have said, you should focus on getting your housing situation sorted. Far away from these people. Block them from your phone and focus on getting a place to live. Right now, you’re pretty wounded and you need to recoup and heal.

Stay away from them. Tend to your wounds. Treat yourself as something you care deeply about, because these assholes aren’t doing it for you. Take it one day at a time.

the_last_basselope −  Cut contact with all of them. None of them are even considering your feelings in all of this, and it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if Cassie and Ryan were already hooking up and she just made up the not wanting kids thing suddenly as a way to push you into breaking up with her. Counseling would be a good idea.

Also, since there is nothing good tying you to where you are anymore, it would be a perfect time to look into the places you have always wanted to go to and go to one of them and totally start over, build a new life in a new place and meet new people who actually consider your feelings important.

Get away from everything and everyone who reminds you of those backstabbing assholes.

Tambamwham −  You have recourse about getting kicked out. I’d tell him he needs to go through the full eviction procedure. Minimum of a month. And I’m sorry bud but they were crossing lines with each other way before you broke up. And you need to expose the f**k out of this.

TheProdigalMaverick −  I have something controversial to add – my cousin dated my ex, and soonafter my best friend dated her. The way the two of them handled it was very different. My cousin and her dated secretly for months until I found out. I was furious that they were keeping it a secret, and a bunch of my friends were in on it.

I literally had no where to turn because everyone in our friend group and a lot of family knew. With my best friend, he told me BEFORE they even started dating, that he was into her and wanted to see where things would go. He attempted to ask me permission to which I responded “You’re both adults and you don’t need my permission – I love you both.

And I hope it works out for the best.” He asked me why I was so chill about it and why I lost my s**t when my cousin dated her, and I told him it was because of the dishonesty. The two of them have been together much longer than her and I were at this point, and they’re probably going to get married. They’re a very good fit.

All this to say, you and Cassie broke up for a reason – remind yourself of that, and don’t allow yourself to be jealous of Cassie and Ryan. Have a conversation with Ryan and Cassie about honesty, though. The sneaking around/disonesty thing is why you should be upset, not the fact that they’re dating. Per your housing situation, I’m so sorry, man. I hope you come out on top.

PRJack2 −  Honestly I agree with the guy below me. This is a great time to finally go away and see the world and experience it. There is nothing tying you down anymore and although you probably wish there was something tying you down it is okay because this is a great opportunity in life to learn new things and do more things.

Travel/hitch hike/backpack Europe the world is the limit. This is what I would do but just get out of the house and go live life the past is behind you and the future is just beginning.

I really hope you come back to this account one day to tell us how you are doing or if you decide to take my advice and tell us what you have seen. You are you and no one can take that away from you.

nicolefancy532 −  Your friend was a real bro to let you stay with him after your breakup but immediately lost all bro credit by dating your EX for so long without telling you. Think off all the time you vented or told him personal info that he could have used to get closer to her.

It’s not like he needed your approval to date, but it would have been DECENT friend to let you know as soon as possible and not DECIEPTIVLY HIDE IT, especially since it was so soon after you broke up.

In my experience, there my have been something going on between Cassie and Ryan before you left her and not wanting kids was just the excuse she needed for you to leave her and for her to date Ryan guilt-free. My ex claimed he didn’t want kids even though it has always been something I have wanted the most in life,

and left me, only to date my “friend” two weeks later (who btw ALSO wants kids). Turns out they had been emotionally cheating behind my back for a month as far as I know, could have been more but I have no proof. Some friend she was…. Ryan may have felt guilt and helped you out.

Not saying that’s what happened but I wouldn’t put it past a dude who lied to you for months and left you hanging on a day he KNEW would be difficult for you. Move out asap these are not your real friends or anyone worth missing, they are willing to profit their own happiness off the back of your misery. I’m sorry, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here and you can dm me.

Jaydogpit −  Let me ask this when you was moving out of her place did Ryan volunteer to get the rest of your stuff or did you tell him to go get it?