I’ve [f/29] started dating someone far more attractive [m/31], help?

She’s been dating an incredible guy for three weeks and finds herself unusually nervous, struggling to feel like her confident self. The chemistry is undeniable, and they seem aligned on many fronts, but his attractiveness and charm have left her feeling a bit starstruck. Now, she’s seeking advice on regaining her composure and truly enjoying the budding relationship.

‘ I’ve [f/29] started dating someone far more attractive [m/31], help?’

We’ve been dating for 3 weeks. Too early to know exactly where it’s going, but so far he’s been openly enthusiastic. I haven’t felt this nervous in years! Obviously I know he’s not perfect and I’m keeping an eye on that side of things too, as it’s easy to get swept away.
He’s very attractive, well spoken, well-read, open about his interest but not over doing it. Fantastic kisser. We’re in the same industry and have similar life plans. Lots in common as far as interests. Hell, even similar ugly-duckling stories.

He’s been super respectful anytime I mention a boundary of sorts. I have a few as my last long-term relationship was quite abusive. Luckily my ex has been out of my life for 2 years. FWIW – I haven’t mentioned my ex yet, just vague things like “oh do you mind not surprising me from behind? I’m a bit jumpy.” This isn’t my first time dating since my ex and I have plenty of (positive!) dating experiences from before him too. I really shouldn’t feel so… Almost starstruck.

I just feel like a teenager again. Half the time I don’t know what to say I’m so flustered. How do I get my nervousness under control and just enjoy the moment? If this doesn’t work out I’ll be fine – I’m not so worried about my heart so much as trying to act like myself and less struck on dates! TL;DR: Met an awesome guy. Obviously trying to keep my head, but how to I stop losing my thoughts and wit while we’re talking?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Gonebabythoughts −  Remember how great you thought your ex was in the beginning? Allow that hindsight to dial your feelings and expectations back to something more reasonable.

gdubh −  Stop overthinking. He’s in to you. Be you. If he doesn’t like what that looks like, well it wasn’t going to go anywhere.

broadsharp −  You don’t. Stay happy and gitty. Smile and enjoy. He may find it endearing. You’ll get comfortable soon enough. In the mean time, have fun.

the-smallrus −  I am also an Uruk-hai dating a drop dead gorgeous model-material stunner. This is new relationship energy, bask in it! Just remember when your self esteem drops off a cliff that this man is into YOU. that’s HIS problem. he’s allowed to decide to be attracted to you, and you gotta let him! That is all. It’s taken me three years to get to this point and I’ve needed a lot of validation from him but it’s so worth it.

bookwormfarah −  Don’t self reject, it’ll get better over time the more you feel comfortable with him. He’s into you just as much as you’re into him. Wishing you the best of luck.

valiantmelanin −  Be infatuated. That’s OK . That infatuation is how you feel about them at this moment in time , informed by the story you are telling yourself from the information you have right now. But be willing to take new information on, the things thats don’t do go with that story and things that do. Last point is this, you will be OK If this works out and if it doesn’t.

seanprefect −  just remember looks always fade, bonds are stronger than that sometimes.

HeyYoEowyn −  Sending you a big hug and also reminding you that you probably have some lingering cognitive distortions from your last relationship about how attractive and valuable you are. He likely feels the same way about you!

Koalabella −  If you have an ugly duckling story, you are a swan. You need to focus on the ways in which he’d be lucky to be with you. I’m sure they’re plentiful.

maarrz −  I’ve known a lot of women who have literally zero idea how attractive, fun, interesting, etc they are… I mean hell, I was one too as a teenager. One of my best friends from high school is truly GORGEOUS though. Face, hair, skin, eyes, all of it, STUNNING. Legs for days, basically the classic model figure. Always had dudes interested in her, but grew up very sheltered so she was a bit stunted. Anyway. I always figured she knew how beautiful she was because like – how could she not?

Then one day in our mid twenties, she mentions that she’s been seeing this guy for a little bit, and she’s nervous all the time and feeling insecure because he’s smart, attractive, and he’s a lawyer, and I quote “…I’m, just, uhh, me” and then referred to herself as a b**pkin. I lost my s**t. I was like WHAT did you say?! Smart, successful, attractive dude wants to date a beautiful, kind, funny, self sufficient and hardworking woman?? BIG SURPRISE, LADY.

It really shocked me though, because I think she knows she’s generally pretty, but is very self critical and just also has some self worth issues. She’s always dated men they weren’t quite on her level in some way, and it made more sense to me why after this convo. Once she was finally dating someone that WAS on her level she didn’t feel like she was enough.

All this to say: this guy probably thinks you’re attractive if he’s dating you, and it sounds like there is also a real connection beyond the attraction here. Don’t try to find reasons why someone shouldn’t like you! Recognize that you’re a catch and enjoy being with someone who is ALSO a catch.