I’ve (28F) lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband (29M)?

A Reddit user (28F) is considering divorce from her husband (29M) after struggling with body image issues following the birth of their child. Despite working hard to lose weight and regain her confidence, she feels hurt by the way her husband treated her when she was heavier, especially when he became cold and distant.

Now, after losing weight, he’s showering her with attention, but she can’t move past the emotional pain of his past behavior. She’s unsure whether to give him another chance or move on, and is seeking advice on how to navigate the situation.

‘ I’ve (28F) lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband (29M)?’

We’ve been married for 5 years and together for 7 years. We also have a three year old kid. After having the baby, I struggled a lot with losing the baby weight and adjusting to being a parent. I also had the baby blues at first which was tough.

I wasn’t really focused on my appearance and instead I was trying to figure out our new routine and way of life. But then my husband started making these little comments about my body and how I should start working out and wearing makeup again.

It made me feel really awful and I worried that he might start looking elsewhere because we weren’t being intimate anymore. He even suggested hiring a nanny so I could have more time for myself but I wanted to be there for our baby full time so I turned down the offer.

That made him angry and he started acting cold towards me. Months went by without any hugs, kisses, romance or any kind of affection. My self esteem hit rock bottom. Every time I looked in the mirror, all I saw were the flaws that my husband pointed out.

By this point, our son was already 2 years old and I desperately wanted to win my husband back. I thought that if I got in shape again, he would show me love and affection and our marriage would be saved. I craved his attention so much and it hurt to see how much things had changed.

But you can’t force someone to be affectionate. I took matters into my own hands and hired some help. With more free time, I started going to the gym, taking swimming classes (which are amazing for your back by the way), getting my hair and lashes done regularly and eating healthier.

And guess what? I’ve lost a ton of weight and I feel amazing. Suddenly, my husband started touching me, kissing me, buying me flowers and treating me like the complete opposite of how he treated me before. You’d think that would make me feel better but for some reason, it made me feel worse.

All I could think about were the hurtful things he said to me when I was at my lowest and how cold he was towards me. I get that you can’t force attraction but why couldn’t he just hug me or give me a kiss on the cheek even when I was overweight?

Why couldn’t he love me as a human being and the mother of his child? When my self esteem came back, I got really angry at myself for putting up with his behavior for so long. A few days ago, I told him I wanted a divorce because I don’t think I can move past how badly he treated me.

He apologized and promised to change and prove that he can be better. But honestly I’m not sure if I can trust him again. What if I gain weight again or have to deal with health issues? Will he treat me like garbage again?

I’ve talked to some friends and family about the whole situation and some say I should give him another chance, while others say I should leave him. So I’m turning to Reddit for some advice. Am I justified in being upset over this? Do you think it’s possible for my husband to change his behavior for the long term or is a divorce the right move here?

Check out how the community responded:

Ok_Taro4324 −  Yes you are justified. I’ve had huge weight swings in my marriage and my husband never treated me like s**t when I was heavier. Based on what is he going to change? Saying you will is meaningless.

Frankly I wouldn’t want to be with someone who treated strangers like that, let alone me. How will he treat your kid if they are overweight?

GamingGeekette −  It makes you feel gross because you’re realizing that your husband doesn’t love you unconditionally. He loves you only when he thinks you look decent/acceptable. You are absolutely right to ask if he will act like this again if you go through another pregnancy or something more medically serious.

He says that he’ll change, but words and promises mean nothing if you don’t actually try and change. ETA: Lol at all the people parroting that unconditional love isn’t real, and then turning around and saying it is but only with certain exceptions.

I believe the vows are in sickness and in health; you should support your spouse especially after they gave birth to your child. Double especially if they’re suffering baby blues/PPD/whatever. Hence what I mean when I say OPs husband should love her unconditionally.

If you don’t believe that OP deserves that kind of love, if you don’t think it’s real at all, then I’m very sorry for you. If you’re one of the people comparing m**der to loving someone after weight gain, you need help with your analogies. They’re not the same thing. They’re not even comparable. But E for effort.

Midnight_pamper −  Swim away from him girl!

Dinky_Doge_Whisperer −  This is the type of man who will leave if you get cancer or a debilitating illness. His attraction determines his love and respect, which means neither is permanent or guaranteed. He’s shown you that- *don’t forget it*.

Saint_Blaise −  What if I gain weight again or have to deal with health issues? Will he treat me like garbage again?. Yes. Do you think it’s possible for my husband to change his behavior for the long term It’s possible but he won’t put the effort in. So, no.. is a divorce the right move here?

Yes, because you’re ready to go through with it and you know in your heart that it is the correct decision.

makingburritos −  Gosh, I’m so sorry, this is truly awful. You are 28 years old. I’m a year older than you (I’m almost 30), and I am telling you that there’s so much more out there for you. My daughter is six now and when I left her father I thought my life was over.

He used to complain about everything – how I dressed, the music I listened to, the TV shows I watched. I realized after my daughter was born I would never want her to deal with the treatment I was accepting for myself.

Move on. If you gain weight again or, heaven forbid, get sick in some way, this is not the man you want by your side. Those men are out there, and you are so young! You can find someone who will love you with no strings attached.

femboyrechelle −  Remember the marriage vows, he should have been there through the highs and the lows, in sickness and in health. But he didn’t, those words didn’t mean anything to him, his love was conditional.

And for f**k sake the negative changes you had BECAUSE you were bearing a child of HIS. He failed to see that and instead of being the man to support you, he went cold when you needed him. Girl don’t allow anyone to treat you like an option cause you’re not.

D**p this trash into the trash can and walk away. You know that’s the answer already when you made this post. Proud of you for realizing your worth.

Asprinkleofglitter7 −  You’re totally justified. I know I wouldn’t be able to move past someone treating me that way

NinjaNeither3333 −  You’re completely justified, and I think you’d be right to divorce him. I’m honestly shocked anyone is saying different. He *completely* withheld love and affection when you were struggling, based on surface attributes.

He made it clear how conditional his love is. He made it clear he can’t be trusted. What if you got sick or disabled or gained weight? Or just got old!?  He made it crystal clear he is only there for better, not for worse.

dudleymunta −  This isn’t just about how you looked. You were experiencing postpartum depression after having your child. You needed support but got comments about your body, anger and coldness. This is not indicative of a good partner or someone who you could trust to be truly with you in sickness or health.