I’ve (28F) lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband (29M)?

After welcoming a baby into the world, you’d think a family would savor the glow of new life. But for one new mom, postpartum changes sparked a marital storm. She wrestled with weight gain and shifting priorities, only to face coldness and criticism from her husband—love withheld simply because she wasn’t the same shape she used to be. He demanded workouts and makeup, yet refused even a comforting hug when she needed emotional support the most.

Eventually, she regained her confidence, lost the weight, and reclaimed her life. Only then did her husband shower her with flowers, affection, and sweet nothings. Oddly, this late display of warmth felt more like a slap in the face than genuine devotion. Now she wonders: Can she forgive his earlier cruelty and trust him long-term, or is it time to file for divorce?

‘ I’ve (28F) lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband (29M)?’

Expert Opinion

1. “Postpartum changes often test the resilience of a relationship,” observes Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute. In a loving partnership, partners typically offer support and kindness throughout the ups and downs of new parenthood. Our narrator, however, experienced the opposite—harsh commentary, body shaming, and an absence of affection. According to Dr. Gottman, negative feedback loops like these can corrode emotional trust, especially during vulnerable times like postpartum recovery.

2. On a psychological level, postpartum challenges can trigger anxiety, depression, and insecurities about body image. When a partner weaponizes those insecurities—by criticizing or withholding affection—it can amplify feelings of isolation. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that empathy is vital for marital success: acknowledging a partner’s struggles and offering validation fosters closeness, whereas cold detachment sends the message that love is conditional on appearance or performance.

3. The flip side is that once the narrator transformed physically, her husband rushed back with affection. While some might say “he just needed a spark,” many experts argue this reveals conditional regard: love and attention hinged on meeting certain standards. Dr. Gottman warns that such conditional love creates a lingering fear of “falling short.” Indeed, the narrator wonders if any setback—another pregnancy, an illness—would again leave her unloved and unsupported.

4. Moving forward, real change involves consistent actions over time. Apologies, promises, or bouquets aren’t enough if the fundamental pattern of conditional support remains. Dr. Gottman recommends couples therapy or structured conversations to rebuild trust, focusing on understanding each other’s emotional experiences. The key question: Is the husband willing to grow into a truly supportive partner who cherishes her unconditionally? If not, the narrator might conclude that self-respect means letting go.

Check out how the community responded:

Readers strongly empathized with the new mom, noting how cruel it felt to withhold love based on appearance. Many stressed that a supportive partner should stand by you “in sickness and in health”—especially after childbirth, when emotional help matters most. While some felt the husband’s apologies might be a start, the consensus was that he’s shown how conditional his affection is. The overarching view? Trusting him again might be tough unless he demonstrates genuine, lasting empathy.