Is My Boyfriend Avoiding Our Favorite Spot and a Movie Because of a Girl He’s Talking to on Facebook? Am I Overreacting?

A Reddit user (27F) has been feeling suspicious about her boyfriend (30M) after he avoided their favorite dinner spot and movie night, coinciding with a girl’s Facebook activity who he has been chatting with. Although he reassured her before that their messages were innocent, the timing and his behavior now raise questions. She’s wondering if her instincts are right or if she’s just being paranoid. Read the original story below:

‘ Is My Boyfriend Avoiding Our Favorite Spot and a Movie Because of a Girl He’s Talking to on Facebook? Am I Overreacting?’

My boyfriend really likes Facebook. I have had no reason to not trust him 100% with it. He’s definitely a like every photo/status kind of guy and just thinks that it is fun. I don’t have a facebook, and my presence on his is nonexistent besides the mention of fun things we are doing here and there. I realize now that I could easily be mistaken for a friend/sister/cousin/etc.

About 3 months ago, I got tipped off from a friend that he had been a little flirty with a girl on Facebook. I did a quick cyber stalk of her and she was gorgeous, and I noticed instead of the typical like he had been “loving” and “wowing” her pictures. I called him and told him I felt a little bit crazy, but I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t any funny business.

He assured me he is just being nice, and they’ve never met (she is a friend of a friend apparently?) and it is no different then me upvoting something on Reddit. They had messaged a few times but it was totally innocent and looks any flirtations were nonexistent. Ok, I dropped it, but my spidey senses told me to bookmark it, instead of completely discard the thought of her forever.

A new movie is coming out tonight, and conveniently our favorite dive bar/dinner spot is RIGHT across from the movie theater. We just have to walk a few feet or so and there we are. We have both been stoked for his movie, and talking up our date night ALL week. I was going into a work meeting and texted him “Hey I’ll probably be tied up till after 5, so i’ll see you at *name of place* at 7!”

He texts me back (verbatim, to show how weird this was). “Hey umm is there somewhere else?” I don’t know what it was, but after a few months of not even thinking of this mysterious facebook enigma, something shouted at me to look at her profile. Her profile is absolutely 100% open, there is no privacy.

She geotagged how excited she was to see the movie and go to the bar. Hmm….Ok that is a little convenient. Did a little more digging, he’s loved even more of her pictures. Shortly after, he asks if we can just have a night in (which is weird, because my place is being remodeled and the only access at my house is the bathroom and bedroom, and he just had his fumigated and is staying at his moms).

I’m like where da fuh are we staying in at?? I have already bought the movie tickets and I told him that I didn’t want them to go to waste so to please come we can go eat at another nearby place. I just think this is all awfully convenient. Am I being a total loon in thinking he doesn’t want his girlfriend and side piece running into each other at the movie/dinner?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

CohibasAndScotch −  If he can’t give you a legitimate reason for staying in (actual sickness, family member died etc), yeah I’d be suspicious too. Sounds like he may not want her to know he has a girlfriend.

Psycholit −  Whaaaaaat? If he’s been hyped for this movie, then that’s definitely a 180 reversal for him to say he “wants a night in.” Especially considering what’s going on with his and your places to stay. I don’t think you’re being crazy at all.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating or has already cheated…maybe he just has feelings for her. Either way, something is definitely up. Call him out and tell him you want to know what’s going on, IMO.

[Reddit User] −  Following and loving pictures of some random girl he’s never met on facebook (yet could easily meet) is nothing like upvoting a post on reddit. I’m sorry, but he sounds full of s**t. I’m crazy too so maybe don’t listen but I’d drop her a line on fb and just ask her if she’s interested in your guy.

[Reddit User] −  Ask him, straightforwardly, if it has anything to do with the fact that he was paying inappropriate amounts of attention to the girl who happens to be going there tonight too. I am surprised you offered to go to eat elsewhere. Why?

And the lack of any presence on his public profile? Huge red flag. Huge. Especially because he is so active. I urge you to read any list of top red flags and being kept more or less a secret will be on each and every.

the-mortyest-morty −  Tell him you made a Facebook and sent him a relationship request. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

version4point7 −  He’s a 30 year old guy “wowing” and “loving” another woman’s pictures. This is something a single, 16 year old would do when infatuated with somebody else. He’s either cheating on you or thinking of cheating/leaving you. I don’t think a 30 year old guy that stalks a woman on Facebook that isn’t you is worth it.

Ask em bluntly what’s up and if the answer isn’t anything close to what you’re thinking it should, call it quits. Also, and maybe he doesn’t help you with this, but regain confidence in yourself. If my wife would of been stalking and “loving” some other dudes photos all the time I would of called it quits.

A couple here and there, but every single one?!? Dude wouldn’t have a chance with the other girl either if she was half smart to him and realized he tossed away a great girl like yourself for no reason.

Green7000 −  He might not be cheating on you. He might just be flirting with her, enjoying the ego boost, and not wanting that to stop. But I would find the whole thing at the very least odd. To borrow a term, are you facebook official? Would this girl know you exist?

Fitzwilliger −  I mean, I personally would send her a message. “Hey! I’m X’s girlfriend, Y, I can’t believe we haven’t met yet! Maybe the three of us could grab drinks sometime?” Then if nothing is going on you get to actually meet her and have an encounter where it becomes clear their relationship is appropriate and everyone is kosher- or she goes ‘Wait, what?’ and you know you have a problem on your hands.

iSoReddit −  Trust your gut, stick to the original movie/restaurant plan, force the issue, tell him how you feel. Let us know how it goes.

Philodendritic −  He doesn’t want her to know he has a girlfriend. He’s flirting (at least) and maybe has intentions of more… I don’t trust it.

This situation highlights how our instincts can often point us in the right direction. Should the user confront her boyfriend about the timing and the possible situation? Is she being overly suspicious, or is her gut feeling telling her something important? What do you think—should she trust her boyfriend, or is this a red flag? Share your thoughts below.