Insomnia when sleeping with girlfriend. Advice?
A 27-year-old man has been dating his 28-year-old girlfriend for six months and struggles with insomnia when sleeping next to her. Despite having a great relationship, he feels extra vigilant and unable to wind down in her presence.
While he’s dealt with insomnia before, he’s questioning whether it’s related to discomfort, a deeper psychological issue, or his history with sleep troubles. Though his girlfriend is supportive and open to sleeping separately, he hopes to improve his ability to sleep next to her for future travel or cohabitation.
‘ Insomnia when sleeping with girlfriend. Advice?’
Hi all, I (27M) have been dating my girlfriend (28F) for six months. While we have a great relationship, I get little to no sleep on nights I sleep with her. I can’t pinpoint why I can’t fall asleep, I feel extra vigilant when she’s in my bed and it’s hard for me to wind down like when I sleep alone.
While we don’t live together and she’s open to sleeping in different beds, I would like to travel with her and be able to sleep decently with her when needed. I’ve been seeing a mental health professional about this. Now I’m not the best sleeper, but it feels weird my sleep with her hasn’t improved.
I’ve dealt with insomnia before, so it’s hard to tell if it’s that rearing its head or if its something deeper, like not feeling safe or comfortable around her which I wonder about sometimes. I’ve been able to sleep fine with past partners.
Does anyone have any advice or can relate? Thanks! TL;DR :Having trouble sleeping with girlfriend, will it pass or is it something worth looking into?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Thoranosaur − If you’re in the 6 months stage of a relationship you are still in the honeymoon phase so you have a lot of happy hormones in you. If your insomnia is at least partly due to mental health concerns I would definitely look at talking to someone about it.
If you can’t relax enough to sleep when you’re with someone you get on so well with it can get worse as the newness of the relationship comes to an end. The sooner you can sort this out the better for you. You may have some insecurities/anxieties that will make your whole life better if you sort them out.
floridorito − It always takes me a while of being with someone to get halfway decent sleep with them around, so to me 6 months isn’t a long time. It might sort itself out in another 3-6 months.
Alone_Geologist_1901 − It’s great that you’re addressing this and working with a mental health professional—insomnia can be tricky to untangle. Since you’ve slept fine with past partners, this might not be about your girlfriend specifically but could be related to adjusting to a new dynamic or stress around sharing space.
You could try creating a calming bedtime routine together, like reading or relaxing quietly, to help ease into sleep. If you’re sharing one blanket, using separate ones might help you feel less “on edge.”
It might also be worth gently sharing how you’re feeling with her, making it clear it’s not about her but about figuring out your sleep patterns together. You could experiment with smaller steps, like napping together during the day, to see if shorter periods of rest feel different.
It’s good that she’s open to solutions like sleeping separately for now. If things don’t improve, keep exploring it with your therapist, as they can help you figure out if there’s a deeper cause. Give yourself time, though—sometimes it just takes a while for your body to adjust.
Salty-Employee − I have an autoimmune illness and horrible insomnia. My girlfriend and I just sleep in separate beds next to each other.
StrategyWild924 − Hmm possibly a trauma (small or large) that isnt obviously connected? I’d check out working with an eft tapping practitioner to identify and clear it. Seems like your brain/body feel they have a reason to remain in high stress survival mode when she’s there.
Who knows, could be fear of her, or even fear something may happen to her and its your responsibility? Or? Really feels like theres an underlying issue triggering your stress response
brook1yn − Story of my life for years.. it got better in my 30s and didn’t have trouble by the time I met my wife
IcePlanetGoth − I can’t sleep initially because I’m afraid of farting in front of them, but once I feel comfortable around them I can sleep. Keep trying OP, I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon
recovering_physicist − Have you tried two blankets/comforters?
Adjusting to sleeping with a partner can take time, especially if you have a history of insomnia. It’s great that you’re discussing this with a mental health professional. Meanwhile, consider experimenting with sleep aids like white noise machines, calming bedtime routines, or adjusting your sleeping environment to feel more relaxed.
Open communication with your girlfriend about your needs can also help. Progress may be gradual, but understanding and patience are key. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!