I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?

A man (30M) is reconsidering having children with his wife (32F) after learning disturbing details about her father’s past, including allegations that he molested her sister. The wife admits to knowing about the abuse but downplays it, insisting her father has changed and will be part of their future children’s lives.

The husband is shocked and suggests postponing having kids until they address the situation, leading to a heated argument. He’s now questioning whether he’s in the wrong for his reaction.

‘ I’m rethinking having a child with my wife because of what I just found out about her dad. AITAH?’

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby. Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore.

 I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important. It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama.

Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child mol*ster. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to m**est her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child mol*ster,

and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary.

Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened. I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me,

saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it.

She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Vegetable-Cod-2340 −  NTA. Pedophiles rarely retire.

Noneofyobusiness1492 −  Dude get out. Don’t have children with this woman. Run fast

JanetInSpain −  Honestly I wouldn’t trust your wife around future children. She knowingly helped hide a child molester because “he was just in a bad place”. That is not the kind of person I’d ever trust with a child. NTA

Electronic_Fox_6383 −  Umm… This goes way beyond not having children with her. She displayed no empathy for her sister and is making excuses for the abuser. She would not be a mother I would choose for my children, whether you get past this or not.

And she wouldn’t be my partner of choice either, honestly. I’m sorry you’re only finding out now, but at least there are no kids in the picture. I rarely advocate leaving in situations without abuse, but I’d leave. NTA

everellie −  NTA. Someone who has glossed over child molestation . . . would she want to leave a future child of yours with grandpa for the night? That’s chilling. And once you have kids, even if you divorced her for this later, you couldn’t get full custody over this, if grandpa never went to prison for it and isn’t a convicted s** offender.

It’s awful all the way around. I can’t believe you’ve been married 2 years before you even hear this story.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Omg…do NOT have kids with her. She thinks child molestation is defensible because someone had a hard time. She would endanger any children by potentially leaving them with a known child molestor or conceal any harm that came to them in the name of keeping up images or keeping the peace. She needs therapy and is not ready for marriage or motherhood until she gets it.

strangetimes198 −  NTA and RUN! Please talk to someone from Rainn they are an organization for victims of s**ual a**ault. This is not something minor like occasionally being crabby with your kids on the mornings you have a migraine.

This is a crime. I know a victim of child s**ual abuse and many years later and thousands of dollars in therapy, this woman is still hurting. You need to get out now!

angelmakr9 −  My mother denied being touched by her step father her whole life and suffered depression and anxiety. Unfortunately that denial included allowing her three children to be exposed to this man. He molested all three of us. The trauma for me didn’t surface until I was 18.

My sister and brother took the drugs and alcohol route to bury the trauma. I was lucky enough to join the military and never did drugs or much alcohol. Child molesters don’t stop at one child and if I had to bet I’d say your wife was probably molested as well but she’s in denial.

Good luck OP it’s not easy navigating others trauma. Like many have said please don’t have children with this woman, she will expose your potential children to her father just like my mom did.

Ok-Profession-9372 −  Get a divorce and I am not one of those Redditers who immediately jumps to that. Her father is a monster and Jessica and her brother are complicit in this monstrosity. My heart breaks for Mary. How in the world could you possibly move forward with Jessica after this?

Exciting-Protection2 −  Sounds like grandpa groomed the whole family.