I’m her ‘rock’ one minute then she ‘hates’ and ‘despises’ me the next. What do I do?

A Reddit user shared their emotional struggle in a relationship where their fiancée has been going through a series of personal tragedies, including the sudden death of a close friend and a failed career attempt.

Despite being her emotional support through all of this, she has become increasingly hostile, saying hurtful things like wanting to cheat or even expressing hatred toward him. He feels trapped, torn between wanting to help her and the realization that their relationship may be unhealthy. Read the full story below…

‘ I’m her ‘rock’ one minute then she ‘hates’ and ‘despises’ me the next. What do I do?’

I [M29] and partner [F25] have been together for 6.5 years and engaged for 1.5 years. We’ve always fought but this year has been fairly bad. She’s had an awful year, the worst event being one of her closest friends suddenly being stabbed to d**th in public.. she’s also been fired and had a bad run with other things in life.

Despite being her rock (her words), she continues to take her failures out on me.. last month she said she wanted to “cheat on me to feel something” when she was rejected from her dream acting school and after a fight today she told me she hated me and despised me.

She has extremely bad depression, takes a bunch of medication and I’m honestly not sure she would be alive if it weren’t for me. I live with her and her family at the moment, we’ve been planning to move out when she’s more stable but things aren’t progressing.

I really want things to work out but part of me knows the best thing to do is leave.. I feel trapped. Please help. TL;DR – a**sive girlfriend who relies on me for essentially everything but badly want her to improve

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

SnooHabits8484 −  Leave. Can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone who in practice hates you warm

HoldFastO2 −  If you feel trapped, you need to get out. Since apparently moving out is a relationship ender for her, any getting out means ending the relationship. And honestly, maybe you should. Being told by your supposed partner that they hate and despise you has to do a number on your mental health. You deserve better than that.

Scstxrn −  “I hate you, don’t leave me” might be an illuminating read for you.

LunarReverieArt −  Perhaps consider moving out and living on your own for a bit may help cool things down. Her abuse will need to be addressed in therapy, if you ask me, before you should even consider living with her again.

CarrotofInsanity −  Break up. For real. Get far away from her.

decaturbob −  – what part of this represents a healthy relationship as I do not see it. – counseling is needed for her as you can not fix her. – research “co-dependent” relationships. they always fail

SonuvaGunderson −  The moment someone says they despise me, I’m out. I don’t care if they “didn’t mean it.” It came from somewhere dark and mean that I’m just unwilling to f**k with.

automator3000 −  You feel trapped because you’ve built up all sorts of reasons to stay with her and minimized all the reasons to leave.
Answer for yourself one question: What is she doing to address her mental health and inappropriate behavior?

Medication can be part of that active action, but it’s obviously not all that is needed. And if she’s not actively addressing *her faults* that then make you miserable, that’s just her saying “I choose to hurt you.”

greenblue703 −  Check out the BPDlovedones sub….

Baker_Street_1999 −  What do I do?. Run. Fast.

Do you think the user should stay and continue supporting his fiancée, or is it healthier for him to walk away? How would you handle being in a relationship where one person relies so heavily on the other emotionally? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!