I’m a 28 year old woman and every boyfriend I’ve had for the past 9 years has died. I feel cursed and don’t know how to, or if I can ever, move on

A Redditor from a relationship subreddit shared a heartbreaking story of experiencing the loss of multiple partners over the years. The user, now 28, has had four serious relationships, and tragically, all of their partners have passed away under different circumstances.

From car accidents to fatal work injuries, sudden deaths, and terminal illness, the Redditor feels as though they are cursed and cannot imagine moving forward in a relationship again. They are also dealing with the judgment and pity from their small town, which adds to their emotional burden. Read the original story below…

‘ I’m a 28 year old woman and every boyfriend I’ve had for the past 9 years has died. I feel cursed and don’t know how to, or if I can ever, move on’

The first partner I had was when I was 18 years old and fresh out of high school and his name was James. It was a casual relationship in the sense that both of us were just enjoying that transient stage of life where you travel, work a bunch of random jobs, meet new people & let go of old ones; but it was a serious relationship in terms of the way we felt about each other.

We adored each other and never really got sick of each other, neither of us had any future plans but we just didn’t care because we felt like we could tackle anything together and both of us were independent spirits in a way too. Unfortunately a year and a half into our relationship James was in a car accident (not his driving that caused it) and didn’t make it.

That was an awful time in my life that broke me apart but with support from friends and family as well as James’ family, I managed to continue moving forwards in life. A couple of years later and I’m 21, I meet Hamish. He knew pretty early on what I had been through and was an absolute gem about everything.

He was in his late 20s and had kind of secured his place in the world already and in a way he kind of anchored me; something I didn’t know how much I needed and wanted til it did. We made a partnership and after about 8 months together I moved in with him.

He had his own house and a steady job already, and I had just started my degree so I played homemaker a lot of the time (did contribute with a part time job too) and things really fell into place naturally. I had finally began to trust that I could be happy again when I got a call from his worksite that he had been injured at work and was enroute to hospital.

Unfortunately he sustained a serious head injury and didn’t regain consciousness. His family (who I had only met a couple of times) pulled him off life support a week later and that was that. I fell into a much deeper depressive hole this time round.

It didn’t help that I also lost the home I had with him since we were not married at his time of death so in a blur of grief and depression I was also packing boxes and had to move back in with family because I couldn’t afford a rental on my own. I dropped out of college and tried to figure out some semblance of normal. Again.

At 24, about 10 months after Hamish’s passing, I meet Adam at a community event. We hit it off but I was definitely not looking for a partner at that point in time so we were friends for a few months and spent a lot of time doing activities together, volunteering together and just being in each other’s company.

He introduced me to his wide circle of friends which really helped me out because after Hamish passed, a lot of my old ones had not stuck around. Adam and I reached boiling point on a group camping trip and ended up sharing a tent and confessing feelings. He understood my hesitation to take things further and basically said he could be whatever I needed him to be at that point in time.

As time goes on, we go on more dates and get more intimate and I eventually realise we are well and truly in a relationship. I struggled a lot with ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ and just as I was letting go of that feeling— the worst happened and Adam was killed very suddenly.

At this point I basically had a nervous breakdown and did spend some time in an inpatient facility because of my inability to cope with the situation at hand. I didn’t know how it was all happening again. Fast forward two years to 27. I graduated my degree after many years of part-time study. I’m living independently, finally.

I’m going to therapy regularly, I’m trying to live life just one day at a time. I am not looking for any kind of relationship, because frankly I am too petrified to. I have a small but close group of friends who have supported me through the worst and the best times in my life (and I them). And after landing a graduate position in my field— I meet Joel.

A Sweet, kind, funny, adoring 39 year old. Everything you could want in a partner. We both go back and forth for a while but about 6 months after meeting we begin dating. And about 6 months after we start dating, he gets diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer. As you already know from the title of my post, unfortunately his treatment plan failed and I lost Joel only a little over a year after meeting him.

I am not generally a superstitious person but at this point I feel as though there is a curse on me, that I am undateable. I can’t imagine ever wanting to date another man again, because what if by doing so I am condemning him to death? When I expressed those fears to Joel, he understood and it was one reason why it took some time for us to be together.

And then look what happened. I still receive therapy regularly, but therapy only goes so far and I feel like I need some true advice. The other main thing I struggle with is the way people in my town look at me. It is a midsized regional city, some people were at all four funerals to give you some idea of the size of the town even though none of my late partners knew each other.

Everyone knows OF everyone here, and people stare at me as though I’m poisonous, or guilty of something. I wonder all the time about whether I should leave town and move somewhere fresh— I know that doesn’t solve all my problems but I feel like at least the people wouldn’t have preconceived notions of me & should I ever date again that men won’t recoil from me.

I feel totally lost and I am not sure how my twenties has been stolen by so much grief and heartache and how I became a magnet for death. I feel about 40 years older than any other 28 year old.

Check out how the community responded:

Ebbie45 −  I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for what must be unimaginable repeated traumas that you have been enduring. I know you may feel as if this is a “curse” that has been placed upon you, but I hope that you understand, or at least one day understand, that none of this is your fault in any way and you have absolutely nothing to do with any of these deaths.

You are so young still. I do think you have every reason and right in the world to move somewhere if you believe that would benefit you, and it may. Just know that anyone judging you or questioning you doesn’t know the truth, and that truth is your truth, and your truth to hold and keep. Surround yourself with a community who believes and trusts you and supports you.

If you think that grief counseling and a grief support group may benefit you, I would certainly suggest it, if you haven’t tried accessing those already. None of this grief and these losses are a reflection of you in any way. You are not condemning anyone to death simply by dating them.

While your circumstances may be rare, they are not impossible and you have been dealt a very poor hand in life through no fault of your own. I wish I had better advice to give. I just want you to know that in no way are you a “cursed object.” You are a human being who is valuable, loved, intelligent, kind, and giving and a person, not an object. You matter.

Larry-Man −  I want to reframe this for you: you are so wonderful and deserving of love that you’ve found some wonderful men who have chosen you despite the heartbreak. They’ve been patient and kind by your account here.

What has happened to you has been the most horrific random coincidence on the face of the planet. You should do what you need to for your mental health and only date again if you’re ready. I know you feel like you’re cursed but none of this is your fault.

dnursewriter −  Maybe you aren’t cursed. Maybe you’re actually a gift to them, a chance for them to be blissfully happy before the inevitable happens-because those things would have happened to them whether they knew you or not.

Maybe you gave them the best, happiest few months of their lives so that they had that to think of at the end rather than nothing. You could be the best thing to have happened to them, right when they needed it, and you are strong enough to be that one for them.

Edit- a quick edit to thank everyone for the comments and awards-this is a new experience for me and I don’t want to ruin the above sentiment by saying anymore than OP, I think they’d thank you for taking the chance on them when you did and giving them that slice of time with you.

Edit 2- seriously guys, your comments have got me all emotional. The world can always use more kind words, and I think we are doing a pretty damn good job of it right now. OP- this is because of you, you know that right? You made something wonderful happen today.

minionmemes4lyfe −  I knew a woman woman who went through similar. She was a lovely, kind, and gentle soul. She loved and lost 5 different guys through a series of accidents and illnesses like you have. When she was 40 she married Victor.

She had known him in elementary school but didn’t want to date him in high school. When I was a teen I attended their 50th wedding anniversary. She was 94 and he was 96. I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope you heal and pursue healing in the way that seems right to you.

drckeberger −  My biggest sister has an oddly similar and tragic story. She’s lost her first boyfriend at the age of 23 (a military guy) due to a skydiving accident which was a training operation for his military position. And two years ago she lost her freshly married man overnight, as he had a heartattack at the age of 29. Fast forward a year and our dad died to lung cancer.

I can tell you, the fact that you’re still somewhat composed is a miracle to me. My sister lives an hour flight away, but she broke contact with our entire family after her husband died. When our father died – and we informed her as often as we got in touch – she kind of blamed our mother for not being there enough.

I suppose that reaction was a valve for her agony and suffering and also made clear to me how much she was still suffering from her past experiences with people passing away. Yet I feel like she’s in such a deep hole of depression and also h**red towards us, her family, that we’re not able to pull her back up.

This situation remained somewhat the same for the past year and I don’t think our family relations will ever recover from that. Long story short, kudos for being that composed. I’m not a superstitious person and I’m sure it is VERY unlikely to happen again. The journey is the destination, focus on doing what you like and try to cut out your past.

laurandisorder −  I am so so so sorry. I’m a decade older than you and have experienced some loss (my Mother) and a guy I was casually seeing (very recently and in an accident), but nothing of this magnitude.. My heart goes out to you. My instinctive response is to tell you that you don’t need to seriously date anyone.

Change this narrative. Work on yourself. You have seen some grief. All types; the sudden shocking grief, the long, slow march towards death grief. I feel you deserve to do whatever makes you happy. Travel, get a pet, see the world.

Live for these people who have loved you and who have passed, but most importantly for yourself. You aren’t cursed. You are blessed with being the last person that each of these men loved. I wish you healing, happiness and joy.. I wish I could give you a hug x

flowerpower2074 −  I’m so sorry you have lost all of these special people, though to me there is strength and courage in this story. After each horrific tragedy, you have managed to allow yourself to be open to a loving, committed, healthy relationship again. You have sought help with mental health when you couldn’t take anymore and still attend therapy, when so many others would press self destruct.

Finishing your studies and each day getting out in the world when you feel others are looking at you with judging eyes, takes great resilience. I don’t believe in things being sent to try us, but I I really believe in looking in the mirror each morning and acknowledging the strength it has taken me to get there.

[Reddit User] −  This is the saddest thing ive ever heard in my entire life. I am so so so sorry

jeffp12 −  Welp…You gotta think that odds are in your favor that the next one will live to be 103. What are the odds it happens 5 times? Though, after 3, I’m sure I would have said “what are the odds it would happen 4 times?!” You may want to seek out group therapy for people who have lost significant others / widowers.

Also, it might help to date a person who has also lost an SO, you’ll have something in common to bond over and it will mitigate some of this: I feel about 40 years older than any other 28 year old.

You might feel like nobody else can understand or identify, and maybe not with it happening 4x, but still there are people who are also dealing with tragedy and will understand what you’re going through and probably also feel like they can’t date either. You are definitely not alone.

[Reddit User] −  I don’t wanna come off as insensitive but you should 100% give yourself a pat on the back for getting back up and out there after every loss, you are probably stronger than any of us you are asking advice off. To keep getting up and out there and to put this up shows that you still have hope. I’m sorry this has happened to you.

The Redditor’s journey through such profound loss is unimaginable, and their struggle with guilt and the fear of repeating this cycle is deeply human. Do you think it’s possible for someone to move on from such repeated tragedies,

or is it a situation that fundamentally alters someone’s path in life? Would leaving town help in starting over, or is healing something that comes from within? Share your thoughts below, and let’s offer support to those grappling with grief and loss.