Idk how to feel about the comments my (22m) gf (21f) makes about my weight and eating

A Redditor shares his struggle with hurtful comments from his girlfriend regarding his weight and eating habits, especially when these touch on his insecurities. As he wonders if he should confront her about his feelings, he turns to the community for advice. Read his story below.

‘ Idk how to feel about the comments my (22m) gf (21f) makes about my weight and eating ‘

We’ve been together for 3 months and things have been going pretty good for the most part. I’m not perfect with my diet but I go to the gym to lift weights a few times a week and have a high protein diet. My gf knows I’m insecure about my weight (I’m 165lbs and 5’8) and we’ve had conversations about it.

One day, I was lying on the bed and my girlfriend made a comment about how I was taking up too much space. I asked her if she was calling me fat and she said yes. I felt really hurt because she knows this is something I feel insecure about. I didn’t say anything but I didn’t talk much and left soon after.

She also makes comments about the things I eat. Like she got mad at me when she saw me eating chocolate mini eggs candy one night and that almost started an argument…or how I ate chocolate strawberries and drank a bottled smoothie when I was thirsty.. Should I address my concerns?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

frockofseagulls −  You should leave this relationship before she totally tears down your self esteem. Her behavior is cruel, mean, and heading towards abuse. Don’t let yourself get sucked in any further.

mampersandb −  you can address them all you want but this might be a relationship ender for me. you’re entitled to eat some chocolate without expecting to be berated by your gf.

for the record, you barely even count as “overweight” based on your height/weight. imo your gf knows you’re insecure about weight and is targeting it to be cruel. that’s not what a good partner does

coffee_cake_x −  Break up with her. One, it’s only a 3 month long relationship. Dating is about figuring out if you’re compatible in the long term, and she’s making digs at you and being controlling in the honeymoon phase.

Also, it being only three months, if she didn’t want to date someone your weight, she shouldn’tve started dating you! Hello? She could just date a guy who looks and eats the way she wants in a partner instead of dating someone and trying to change them.

Two, making someone feel bad about their weight isn’t going to change their weight. We have troves of data to support this. Tying shame to eating isn’t going to make you skinny, or fit, it’s just going to make you feel bad at best, at worst it’s going to cause disordered eating. Or an eating disorder.

silverwheelspinner −  Calling you ‘fat’ after 3 months? This girl is awful. This is supposed to be the part where you’re smitten with each other. If she’s criticising you already, this is not a good sign. .

Hopeful-Wolverine-95 −  Alright, girlfriend here, let me clear the air. Firstly, yes we have had discussions about his weight gain belief and insecurity. I have routinely assured him that he has not gained weight, is extremely attractive especially to me, is still physically healthy, and does not need to loose weight.

All of this is true. I am very much smitten with him and would reassure him endless over these insecurities. Regarding the situation where I “said he took up too much space”, man starfishes on my bed. We wanted to watch a movie and he laid practically horizontal, leaving me no room to sit.

I asked him to scoot over so I could join. He, jokingly, asked if I was calling him fat (something we have asked each other a lot but have no serious meaning behind it, just a fake offended scenario), where I also joking answered yes; another thing we’ve done before. I made it KNOWN I was joking, and he laughed along with me.

I even followed up with reassurance so he knew I did not believe it. To add, I am a plus size woman who also experiences weight insecurity. It’s an insecurity we both share, have talked about, and supported each other throughout.

Ok, now the comments about the things he eats. I love mini eggs. So I bought myself a huge bag as study motivation for final season, EXPENSIVE. I shared, obviously. However, he would eat practically the whole bag in the middle of the night while I slept leaving me none.

I even asked if he could just save me a few, but instead he ate them on me and refused to buy me a new bag. I was really looking forward to having some mini eggs. The same thing goes for my chocolate strawberries. As for the smoothie, I don’t eat breakfast. Just drink those smoothies. That I also share.

I was on my last bottle. He drank it on me. The thing that was causing the mini argument was not the eating or drinking of my stuff, there is nothing wrong with what he eats, it was the fact that he would use up my food and then refused to get me back or buy me some more but still expect me to restock.

some of the stuff I mentioned was quite expensive; and I can’t afford to pay for two adults groceries. I care about my boyfriend very much, and love his body just the way it is.

jenniferandjustlyso −  Home should be a safe place, where you don’t have to always feel on guard or like you have to hide something about yourself. There’s a really big difference between liking a person, and liking how you feel around that person. And both those components are needed for a healthy relationship.

And maybe she’s projecting her own insecurities back at you, maybe she is trying to break down your self-esteem like an abuser would, maybe she grew up in a household that constantly called each other fat, there could be a lot of reasons but if she thinks she’s in the right to treat you that way,

that’s never going to be a happy space for you. Don’t settle for somebody who doesn’t build you up, that’s what you want out of a long-term person, someone who makes you feel like you’re a team, life is hard enough, you need somebody by your side who will actually be by your side.

unsafeideas −  Lifting weights is bound to make you heavier, muscles are heavy. Your girlfriend is projecting her own food issues on you, tell her to stop that crap.

Ypu can loose weight while eating chocolate or whatever. You do not need to exclude whole food groups to loose weight. However, excluding food groups is one symptom of eating disorder.

FeeOk6875 −  If she really cares for you, she will still want you to reduce weight and get over your insecurities by motivating and supporting you to get better, saying she will be with you through every step of that journey.

Instead she is hitting on your insecurities knowing very well that it’s your weak spot. It’s good that y’all have been together for only 3 months. It would be best to just break up with her and focus on improving your health. All the very best! 🙂

In relationships, words can leave lasting impacts, especially when they touch on sensitive topics. How do you think he should approach the situation with his girlfriend? Have you ever been in a similar position where addressing your concerns felt complicated? Share your advice or thoughts below!