I(30f) just found out my husband’s(32m)been lying to his work about my pregnant sister(26f) being his wife. Can I even fix this?

A Reddit user discovered that her husband had been pretending her pregnant sister was his wife at work, enjoying the validation of having a “beautiful wife” and a baby on the way. This shocking revelation has left her devastated, reopening old wounds about self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy compared to her sister.

Despite her husband’s apologies, she’s grappling with betrayal, shattered trust, and doubts about her worth in the relationship. Read the original story below…

‘ I(30f) just found out my husband’s(32m)been lying to his work about my pregnant sister(26f) being his wife. Can I even fix this?’

I’m really struggling right now and could use some advice from people who aren’t in my immediate circle because I’m too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone else. I’m 30 and I’ve been married to my husband (32M) for five years. We’ve been together for seven and we met back in college.

He was the first guy who made me feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve always been more of a tomboy into sports preferring jeans over dresses and my body’s more on the athletic side. Growing up that wasn’t always easy. But my husband loved me for who I am and he never made me feel like I needed to change.

I really thought I’d found the perfect partner. I also have a younger sister Rosalie (26F) and we’ve always been close. She’s beautiful and effortlessly charming the kind of person everyone just loves. Our mom has some serious narcissistic tendencies and definitely played favorites growing up with Rosalie being the golden child.

It wasn’t her fault and she never asked for the attention. In fact she’s always been super kind and supportive even though she’s the type who avoids confrontation and puts herself last to make others happy.

So we’ve never really had any issues between us but all those comparisons growing up left me with insecurities I’ve never fully shaken.
About two months ago Rosalie’s long-term partner left her after finding out she was pregnant.

She was devastated and we agreed she should move in with us for a while to get back on her feet. She’s been staying with us ever since and at first everything seemed fine. My husband didn’t seem to act any differently so I didn’t suspect anything was wrong.

One(?) month ago though I asked Rosalie to drop off something for my husband at work because I was swamped. I didn’t think much of it just that it would save me some time. Well she did and it turns out that when she got there everyone assumed she was his wife.

They congratulated him on his “beautiful wife” and their “soon-to-be son” and instead of correcting them he just went along with it. He admitted that he liked how his coworkers reacted to having a beautiful wife and a baby on the way it made him feel good.

One of his coworkers asked him where his wife was at an event and since Rosalie had already dropped by once before they assumed she was his wife and he didn’t correct them. It made him feel validated like he was living up to some ideal that I guess I don’t fit into.
I didn’t find out about any of this until a few nights ago.

We were out for dinner celebrating our anniversary when we ran into one of his coworkers at the restaurant. The guy asked my husband where his wife was and when my husband said something vague about her being busy I felt like the ground had just dropped out from under me.

The date was basically ruined and we went home as soon was we ate. I confronted him as soon as we got home and that’s when he finally told me everything. To say I’m devastated would be an understatement. My husband and I had always agreed on being child-free.

We had that discussion early on in our relationship and I thought we were on the same page. I don’t have a strong desire to be a mom myself partly because I have PCOS and I know it would be difficult for me to conceive. But now it feels like my husband’s been using my sister to live out some fantasy life that I could never give him.

Rosalie had no idea about any of this. When I told her she was horrified. She kept apologizing even though none of this is her fault. She feels awful and has even offered to move out but I can’t ask her to do that. She’s already going through so much and I want to be there for her.

But it’s so awkward now. I can see how guilty and uncomfortable she feels being in the middle of this mess. This situation has also ripped open old wounds I thought I’d healed. I spent most of my 20s in therapy working on my self-esteem and trying to overcome these insecurities especially the ones tied to growing up in Rosalie’s shadow.

I thought I’d finally come to a place where I could love myself for who I am. But now it feels like all that progress has been undone. Years of therapy feel wasted and I’m back to square one questioning my worth and my place in my husband’s life.

Since finding out things have been incredibly strained at home. My husband and I aren’t even sleeping in the same bed and we’ve barely spoken to each other. The trust we once had feels shattered and I have no idea how to even start repairing it. I feel so betrayed.

If he can lie about something like this what else is he hiding? Did he think I wasn’t good enough to be introduced to his colleagues? And why has he never talked about his work friends before? I’m starting to wonder if he’s been hiding me because he’s embarrassed by who I am.

This whole thing has dragged up every insecurity I’ve ever had. I’ve always felt like I didn’t measure up to Rosalie even though she’s never done anything to make me feel that way. But now it feels like my husband has confirmed my worst fears he chose to pretend Rosalie was his wife because she fits some ideal image and I don’t.

I honestly don’t know how to move forward from this. I love my husband and I want to believe this was just a huge mistake but it feels like so much more than that. I’m also worried about how this is affecting Rosalie. She’s been nothing but supportive but I can see how uncomfortable and guilty she feels being in the middle of this.

I’m really struggling here. How do I even begin to address this with my husband without it turning into a huge fight again? I feel so low but I can’t stand the idea of our relationship ending. I love this man more than anything.

He keeps saying sorry and trying to plan date nights. I’m honestly not in the mood for any of it. I’ve cried two times and have binge ate more than I have ever before. How do I live my life now knowing that I’m possibly not enough for my husband??

Check out how the community responded:

Hyacinth_Bouque −  Why are you worried about repairing the trust between you and your husband when it was he who broke it? What has he done to earn back your trust? Grovelled? Explained his reasoning? You have done nothing wrong here! 

Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 −  I don’t think i could move on from this. The trust is completely gone. Did he lie about being childfree? Does he not find you beautiful? I am so sorry this happened.

iamcoronabored −  I would have introduced myself to the coworker and put my husband on the spot. How horrible you must have felt going along and then finding out the truth afterwards.

mydogisLeroy −  This shouldn’t be embarrassing for you, it should be embarrassing for HIM. What weirdo behavior. Honestly if he was my co-worker and I found this out I would be roasting the s**t out of him for being such a pathetic weirdo. This is like Seinfeld level bizarre

tmchd −  No you cannot fix this. Your husband, who lied about whom his wife is, is the only one who can ‘fix’ this. First of all, he has to correct his coworkers that Rosalie is not his wife. And he’s not a father-to-be.

If he’s not willing to do any of that, I don’t see how anything can be fixed in your marriage. I’m just surprised he’s not making any attempt/effort to ask for forgiveness, instead jut giving you the silent treatment as if he is confirming your insecurity that indeed he sees you ‘less than’ Rosalie.

You mention how ‘perfect’ your partner is, etc (pre the whole situation), through this 5 years of marriage, 7 years of relationship, you’ve never shared with him before about the whole Rosalie being a golden child, your insecurity, etc? I mean, my husband knows pretty early on about all my insecurities, and vice versa.

The worse thing is, if he does know about your complex with Rosalie-your insecurity, what he’s doing, pretending Rosalie is his wife and he’s expecting a child is doubly worse.

You can’t work yourself back from it, especially when he is not even addressing the issue or trying to work on it. He just expects you to accept indeed he’s proud to be the fake husband of Rosalie rather than be a real husband of you.

ETA: I would suggest counseling, even marital counseling, but seeing your post, he doesn’t seem regretful about the whole thing. In fact, the implication is he’d rather keep pretending Rosalie be his wife.

Imo, that is a red flag and no you can’t go to marriage counseling when he’s not even remorseful or want to change the situation. This is how you move forward: You and your sister gather up resources and move out.

Frishan5 −  Wt? he didn’t even introduce you as his wife. This is some messed up s**t. You and your sister have to kick him out. This is really sick and your sister is also at a vulnerable situation right now. THIS WILL GET BAD.

He hasn’t even shown remorse or apologized. How can you even move on from this? Are you going to spend the rest of your life with a man who pretends your sister is his wife. He did not correct the situation. Get out of it.

gurlwithdragontat2 −  This isn’t for you to make up or figure out.. ***YOU*** did not lie.. ***YOU*** are not the problem.. ***YOU*** are not inadequate. ***YOU*** are not the one who’s struggling with perception and self-worth.

You seem to be authentically living your life. Putting in work to better yourself. **Stand strong in that! You know who *YOU* are and other people absolutely do not set your value!**

Do not allow him to undo you work, this is a moment for him to do his own, *so do not absorb or inherit his problems as your own!* **HE** is in the wrong and has work to do on himself to rebuild trust and do the hard work because the failure to measure up here is entirely on him!*

Just like no matter how much your sister is great, you have to be intentional of shaking the feelings. She’s not acting negatively, but it’s your own insecurities (that again you worked so hard on!!!) at play. **These are his.**

Please don’t hinge your worth on the whims of others. Nothing is different about you today over last week, **THIS IS ALL HIM!! And the work of moving forward hinges on his choices following his lying and hurt.** I’m so sorry OP. But please know it’s not you.

NotADoorMatNoMoore −  “He admitted that he liked how his coworkers reacted to having a beautiful wife and a baby on the way it made him feel good.” This hurt me, and I’m not you. This means he doesn’t like the life he’s got with you.

I’ll be very blunt, he’s unhappy with you. I don’t mean you should fix him, but you need to come to the realization that your life cannot stay the same. Either he goes, or you and your sister go, but don’t stay there. If he’s willing to lie in front of you, he might even try to get with your sister, or force her to something.

Lastly, I’m an avid advocate for therapy. The sessions you had were for something in specific, now you need new sessions for this problem. I’ve gone back to therapy several times for different things, that doesn’t mean it didn’t work, means I needed new tools for new situations in my life.. Best of luck!

Minute_Box3852 −  I’m assuming he’s already corrected his coworkers.. Right? Because if that wasn’t the first step then I’d be gone.

WinterFront1431 −  This is not something you can get over.. How disgusting of him. Not only that, you are making your pregnant sister feel like s**t and feel uncomfortable being I’m your home, and home she should feel safe in.

Your husband is a c**ep, and I’d personally ask him to leave and continue to look after your sister. You will never get over this. And I’d honey be embarrassed at the fact he is still there and your poor sister is made to feel uncomfortable, which isn’t good for her.

What advice would you give in this situation? Can trust be rebuilt after such a betrayal, or does this point to deeper issues in the relationship? Share your thoughts below!