I(17f) told dad about mom’s affair to save him from a terrible marriage, now he wants a paternity test and I don’t know what to do.

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A Reddit user shared their difficult experience after revealing their mother’s long-term affair to their father, which ultimately led to their parents’ divorce and a vastly improved life with their dad and stepfamily. However, tensions have resurfaced as the user’s paternal grandfather is pressuring the father to confirm paternity via a DNA test before considering inheritance.

While the father has resisted for years, the upcoming birth of a new sibling has complicated matters, leaving the user worried about their place in the family. To find out more about this emotional situation and how others have responded, read the full story below.

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‘ I(17f) told dad about mom’s affair to save him from a terrible marriage, now he wants a paternity test and I don’t know what to do.’

When I was about 9 years old, I realized my mom was having an affair for years on my military dad. I did not say anything as I was really worried what would happen if I said anything.

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When I was about 12 years old, I found my dad looking at pictures of our family and tearing up and I couldn’t take it and I told him about moms affair. Fastforward 5 years and I live full time with dad and his new wife and step sister and our lives have improved so much since leaving mom.

Well grandpa on dad’s side has been pressuring my dad to get a paternity test as he wants to make sure that “I am his grand daughter”. This is getting really intense as grandpa may pass away soon and he says he doesn’t know if he should leave us anything if he doesn’t even know…

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Well my dad has resisted this for years and saying it doesn’t matter. But now things have changed as I have half sibling on the way. I am totally happy and fine with this, but for some reason my dad has started to change his mind about the paternity dna test thing.

He says he is worried that I won’t receive help with my college or anything, but im worried he is wondering if he should care about me or just my new sibling.
I am not sure how much money my grandpa has, but he does have a big house and a lot of property so I guess it’s important.

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I would rather just continue with our relationship how it is… but I don’t know what to do now and i haven’t been able to sleep over this.. What do you think I should do? TlDR: dad says we should get paternity test for me, but im worried he won’t love me if it goes wrong.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

_lmmk_ −  Oh babe, this must be really hard for you and I’m sorry you’re going through this. There is nothing you can do, this is your father’s decision. It sounds to me as though your father didn’t care about the test and loves you unconditionally.

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It sounds like your grandfather on the other hand may have some other, dated, notions. Sit down with your father and tell him exactly what is on your mind – read him your tl/dr. Express your love for him, stepmom, step- and half-siblings. Just tell him you’re scared and ask what he thinks. Good luck, OP. It’s going to be ok 💛

redandbluecandles −  Before you do anything I think you need to sit down and talk with your dad. Tell him exactly what you are feeling and exactly what you fear. Be open and communicate with him.

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Puppet007 −  Your father had years to do a paternity test on you, he decided not to because whether it’s positive or not you’re his daughter no matter what.
However, you should probably get it in case you have a parent that’s carrying something genetic and might affect you/pass down to your future children.

[Reddit User] −  It sounds to me, like others have said, your father really cares about you. My ex cheated on me and i have our two children full time now. I’ve considered dna tests before but same as your dad decided it doesn’t matter.

I want to get them done someday, but more because i just feel like everybody deserves to know. I can tell you from a fathers perspective it would not change anything. It sounds like it is mostly due to your grandfather and your dad wants you to get something in will.

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You should 100% talk to your dad about this. Just tell him how this is making you feel and ask him how he feels about it. I think it would make you feel better

uruviele −  I’ll say it. Grandpa is taking a real a**hole approach in an already heart-wrenching situation. So sorry the situation is causing you such heartache.

czechtheboxes −  im worried he won’t love me if it goes wrong. You need to talk to your dad about this because based on your post, I think your fears will come true, at least in regards to your grandfather. he wants to make sure that “I am his grand daughter”

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This is a really s**tty thing to say to you. Talk to your dad about how this has hurt you and that you’re worried you won’t be his granddaughter if it comes back. Grandpa can be spoken to later if your talk with Dad goes well. Side question, is stepsister considered a granddaughter?

If she is, you can point out she isn’t bio and still a granddaughter so why would your DNA matter? Especially since he always considered you a granddaughter before. but im worried he is wondering if he should care about me or just my new sibling

While your father hasn’t been as… direct as your grandfather, bring up you are concerned about him too. Point out it that it has been 5 years since the affair was found out and the brand new, definitely his child combined with your grandfather’s statements make you think he now wants you to not be his and to get out of his new, definitely his family.

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Why is he so concerned with this NOW vs 5 years ago? What has changed about how he feels about you? Ask him what he WANTS the results to be and what happens if it comes back the other way? I really hope your father is genuinely concerned about college, but unless you are no longer legally his child,

something feels…off. If he is legally your parent, fafsa should consider his income (if you’re US), so does he plan on helping you with college? You need to have a serious talk with him about your very legitimate fears.

I am not sure if they can force you to take the test, but they can still kick you out at 18 regardless of whether you do or not. I really hope this just turns out to be fears and they love you anyway, but you might want to start preparing for the worst case scenario.

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UniversityBeautiful8 −  Its sucks, but as a father I wouldn’t get it done because it wouldn’t matter. You’ve been his daughter all your life. He’ll still be your dad.

elmuchocapitano −  If I was in your dad’s position and my ass-backwards old man wanted proof that my child was his biological grandchild, lest he withhold her future educational fund, I’d definitely be writing and delivering a fake paternity test.

I just assume that anyone who thinks DNA determines family membership would be too dense to see through the ruse. I would also be honest with your dad about your feelings.

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Tell him it’s your wish that a paternity test is not done because you are already feeling a bit insecure that he will see you as equally important to his new baby, and throwing a DNA test into that mix would not be good for you right now.

You’re more worried what he will think than your grandpa. Given that he’s never wanted to do one before and he’s always had you living with him, it seems likely that he sees you as his daughter either way and he will be able to reassure you more than we can on reddit.

New babies and youngest kids get a lot of attention, especially in new relationships, but remember – you were his first child and that’s a *very* special place in his life to have too.

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You will probably still be all his “firsts”, his first kid to go off on their own, first kid he had a legal beer with, first kid he walked down the aisle, first kid to give him a grandchild, etc.

MrEcke −  I don’t think your dad cares what the DNA test will say. You are and always will be his little girl. I think what he’s worried about is how his fathers actions or lack of actions will affect you. Your father is trying to protect you because he loves you.

[Reddit User] −  This is getting really intense as grandpa may pass away soon and he says he doesn’t know if he should leave us anything if he doesn’t even know. Why is your father not protecting you? Even if paternity is challenged you essentially are his adopted and actual family.. That’s messed up.

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The clear solution is just to have him lie to your grandfather. He’s going to be dead soon and his backwards horrific, a**sive standards are dying off with that generation. He essentially is subscribing to the b**tard child idea which is like 500 years out of date.

If things change definitely talk to a lawyer as you have rights within the family. Go very public as well after verifying if this is smart with the lawyer.

Do you think the father should prioritize the paternity test for practical reasons, or should he focus on the emotional bond with his daughter? How would you approach such a sensitive situation within your family? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!

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