I won’t make my daughter befriend her former b**ly, AITAH?

A concerned parent shared a dilemma about their daughter’s former middle school bully trying to reconnect after the bully’s mother faced a potential cancer diagnosis. The daughter, now thriving in high school with new friends, is resistant to rekindling the relationship, as the bullying was recent and traumatic.

While the parent feels compassion for the bully’s family, they also recognize that forcing their daughter to be a “pity friend” might be unfair. Read the full story below to weigh in on this tough situation.

‘ I won’t make my daughter befriend her former b**ly, AITAH?’

So here’s my dilemma. My daughter is a freshman at a new high school and things are going great for her. She’s made some great friends and is involved and doing well in her classes. In middle school she had a friend who was always overbearing and pushy, but turned into a real nightmare last year.

She would make my daughter sit two chairs away from her, get other kids to ignore my kid, and tell my daughter to her face she didn’t like her anymore. Thankfully, they ended up at different high schools and I was relieved to be done with that kid.

Fast forward to present day. I have become aware that the mother of this b**ly ex-friend of my daughter’s is ill and may be soon dealing with a long treatment and recovery if she gets a bad diagnosis (cancer scare). She’s been posting about it on social media. I feel a lot of compassion for her.

But now her daughter is randomly texting my daughter and wanting to reconnect. My daughter heard through the grapevine about the mom’s illness. But my daughter doesn’t want to reconnect.

So, I’m feeling really conflicted. I’d hate if this girl needed a friend at this time and is feeling isolated. But I can’t make my daughter pity-friend her either, right? Its not like the b**lying was years ago, it was literally still happening this spring. What’s the right thing to do? AITAH if I let my kid ice out her b**ly who may be in need of support?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

WinnerActive9414 −  Definitely NTA. Bullies leverage situations like this to go after victims they have lost a hold on. Support your daughter and stay out of lt.

_s1m0n_s3z −  Not your problem to fix, and you can’t anyway. Stay out of it. NTA

GardenDivaESQ −  Do not put your child through this. She’s right. Do not make her be nice to a b**ly that has not asked for forgiveness. Read the texts. If you think they sound like the girl is regretting her actions, then by all means talk to your daughter about how hard it is to reach out after you’ve been in the wrong.

Then let your daughter decide. She may decide to respond to her former friend thank you for recognizing what you did was unacceptable. While I respect that, I don’t want to be friends with someone who would do this to me. I don’t want to be friends with someone who thinks this behavior is acceptable at any time.

TypicalManagement680 −  Your daughter DOES NOT want to reconnect with HER PAST B**LY. There’s no conflict to deal with here, who cares how YOU feel about the situation. Nothing else needs to be said or done, leave it.. NTA

Beginning_Flower_390 −  NTA I can understand feeling bad for the b**ly but it isn’t your daughter’s responsibility to help her b**ly through a tough time. Honestly stay out of it and let your daughter make the decision. If your daughter asks for advice give her advice but don’t guilt her.

Don’t make the bullies issue her problem. As someone who used to be bullied I would have been upset if my mom pushed me to forgive a b**ly just because they’re going through a tough time. If the b**ly takes responsibility for her past actions, apologizes, and means it while showing a changed character fantastic and they can try from the start to be friends again. But if not please let your daughter decide if she wants to forgive and be friends again

44035 −  If this b**ly-girl needs comfort, she can get it from aunts, cousins, siblings, her other friends, grandma, or even counselors. It’s not your daughter’s job.

dayvancowgirl −  it was literally still happening this spring. Oh f**k no, this girl can lean on other friends or family. You guys have literally zero obligation to her.

OwlT1me −  NTA: Their issues have nothing to do with you or your daughter. She doesn’t have to be nice just because the b**ly is dealing with something heavy.

2015juniper −  Ice out the b**ly. The b**ly pulled some mean n**cissist behavior and your daughter needs to learn how to deal with n**cissism and one way is NO contact. Maybe that b**ly will learn what her own behavior cost her.

FightingButterflies −  NTA. Don’t make her do that. She’d just find herself at this little b*tch’s mercy again. That girl made her bed, and now she can lie in it. Whether or not her Mom is sick.

Is it fair to ask someone to rekindle a relationship with a former bully during difficult circumstances, or should the focus remain on protecting the daughter’s mental well-being? How would you handle a similar situation as a parent? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!