I took a shower at midnight while my wife was watching TV. Who’s the AH?
A Reddit user (30s) shares a frustrating incident with his wife after taking a late-night shower. While he was showering, their 3-year-old son started crying and calling for him. When he emerged, he found his son covered in blood from a severe nosebleed, and his wife had apparently failed to intervene despite multiple attempts.
The husband is upset that his wife didn’t check on their son, while she’s angry that he expected her to handle the situation while he was in the shower. Now, both are angry at each other and wondering who’s in the wrong.
‘ I took a shower at midnight while my wife was watching TV. Who’s the AH?’
My wife was sitting in the recliner watching her iPad right outride the kids bedrooms. I figure I’m in the clear to take a long shower. When I turn the shower off I hear my 3 year old crying and screaming for daddy. I hurry.
As I’m going through the family room, I look at my wife (sitting watching her iPad) and say, “You couldn’t calm him down?” She says, “No, I tried three times.” I go into his room and pick him up. He immediately stops crying and starts trying to catch his breath.
I feel what I thought were tears dripping down my shoulder. I think: “poor guy has been so upset for so long; long enough for my wife to come in three times.” I lay him in bed and start tucking him in. He says, I have a mess. I figure tears and snot.
I grab wipes and tissue, and turn the flashlight on my phone on. That’s when I realized he was covered in blood. His first bloody nose, and it was bad: all over his face, arms, clothes, stuffy, blanket – and I’m covered. Those were not tears dripping down my shoulder.
I get him cleaned up, and asked my wife to shout the bloody items while I get him cleaned up. I’m tucking him in and I ask why he didn’t let mommy help. He said, “Mommy didn’t check on me. Somebody never checked on me.”
Now my wife is pissed at me for me expecting her to help. I’m pissed at her for not taking care of our son while I’m in the shower and she’s watching her iPad, and I’m pissed that she’s pissed I expected her to help.. So, who’s the AH??
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
the_poly_poet − NTA. The biggest issue for me is the lying. At the very least she could have been honest that she didn’t go in. But it’s also profoundly fucked up to think that she didn’t *want* to check on him.
She’s treating the idea of checking on her kid the same way a part-time cashier would treat having to mop a floor when it was (supposedly) their co-worker’s “turn” to do it.
It isn’t a job she gets to clock in and out of; she has to be present and show up at all times. And if you were in the shower and couldn’t hear them crying, then it was definitely her chance to act.
Turmeric_Ping − NTA. Your wife is TA. You are both parents. Even if she thought you should be checking on him, when you didn’t, she should have gone and checked. She should have wanted to.
I can’t imagine sitting and watching a movie while my child cried because that was not my problem. And the fact that she lies tells you she knows she should be ashamed of her behaviour. And she’s right. What she did was borderline a**sive.
calacmack − Your wife lied to you about having checked on him. I think that this is huge issue and it needs to be confronted. NTA.
user_4250 − Nta your wife sounds like s**tty mother
AnyBioMedGeek − NTA. I cannot imagine ignoring a screaming child and screaming cries of bloody nose fear are very very different from i dont wanna go to bed yes i want some attention cries. Any decent mother immediately knows the difference.
ItWouldntWorkAnyway − Your wife is undoubtedly, indisputably, undeniably, unmistakably the a**hole in this situation. You are undoubtedly, indisputably, undeniably, unmistakably NTA in this situation (and a great dad).
The fact that your kid called for you makes me wonder about the level of n**lect your child must be feeling from your wife, and her lying to you makes me wonder what else is happening that you’re taking at face value but is hiding information you need.
But given you chose this partner to raise a child with…are these previously intermittent tendencies becoming more frequent and/or obvious or does it feel like she is dissociating from her life? There may be a medical angle to consider.. Best of luck.
ETA: a little clarification I didn’t realize was necessary: the kid calling for Dad doesn’t make Mom a terrible parent, and no one has said it’s indicating “what level of n**lect has this mother done to this kid.”
Coupled with the instance that OP has written about (context), it could be an indication that the kid is *feeling* like certain needs aren’t being met by Mom, and it could be escalating to *feeling* neglected.
In this case, Mom not attending to her hysterically distressed child may not be a first experience. Hope that helps clarify that this is about what the child’s perspective *could* be, since children communicate more with their behavior than words.
HelloJunebug − NTA. I don’t understand why your wife thought attending to both your kid wasn’t her job while you weren’t available. That doesn’t make sense to me. UPDATEME
kaitrae − NTA, at all. Your wife however is a huge one. Who sits there casually while their child is screaming? Poor baby. Totally understandable that you figured she would check on him while you showered. She sounds like a lazy parent..
I get maybe she was tired but damn. Didn’t even check on him once? Anyone saying this story is fake is weird. Sure it could be, but also.. terrible moms DO exist. People act like it’s so unbelievable when the mom is the bad parent.
[Reddit User] − I get my ass out of bed when my dogs bark that they need me in the middle of the night yo
ThirdWigginKid − My babymama used to do s**t like that back when we were still living together. Ultimately, she abandoned our kid when he was two. Sooooo….big f**king red flag, based on my experience.
Do you think the husband was justified in being upset with his wife for not handling the situation with their son, or was he too quick to place blame? Should the wife have done more to check on their child? Share your thoughts and opinions below!
