I told my daughters that I was moving on with the separation anyway ?

A Redditor describes the incredibly painful situation of facing divorce due to her husband’s past infidelity, only to find that her teenage daughters are now deeply opposed to her decision. Despite her attempts to explain her reasons, her daughters have made it clear they only want her to stay with their father and have even threatened to cut off contact if she goes through with the separation. Read the full story below.

‘ I told my daughters that I was moving on with the separation anyway ?’

I found out that my husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. Both times. I only found out 3 months ago and until then we were a very happy family and my husband is a great dad. Our daughters are 14 and 16. They know the reason we are getting a divorce and that he had two affairs with two women but not all the details.

They are opposed to the idea of divorce anyway and they threatened to never see me again if I went through with it because the offense happened so long ago. I understand that they don’t want change and their lives in upheaval. I know all that but I just can’t be with him anymore. I can’t even look at him. Nothing is working.

Therapy is not working and they are adamant about never seeing me again. I haven’t seen them in two months. We rent a small studio apartment now and we live every other week in the house with the girls and the other lives in the studio apartment.

The girls refuse to stay with me at the house during my weeks but they stay in the studio with my husband (therapist said not to change the arrangement anyway because I thought maybe I should stay in the studio permanently so they have more room to live).

We bought our house 2003 and it has quadrupled in value so we are going to be able to have two decent homes even if not as big and beautiful as this one but it is not like they will be living in bad conditions.

Before all this, they were close to both of us and loved us equally. Now they only love him. Last week they made it clear that if I filed for divorce, they will never see me again. I said I was never going back to him and they said I made my choice and they will never see me again.

Check out how the community responded:

CarpeCyprinidae −  NTA. Teenagers are stubborn and they think they can force your hand. If you give in to this you would be setting an example that its OK to submit to a**sive or unfaithful relationships if someone applies pressure. Not something girls should be learning as the norm.

Tell them that in their lives if they ever need to walk out to protect themselves, you will support them – and its a shame they don’t feel the same but it wont change your intention to do the right thing

ritan7471 −  For your husband, it happened years and years ago, but for you, it happened 3 months ago. He’s had plenty of time to get over it. It didn’t happen to your daughters, so it’s easy for them to brush it under the rug and pretend it’s no big deal, and that you’re the bad guy.

I don’t know what your husband told them, but your therapist is right. You need to stick to the arrangement. If you have not already, you need to get your daughter’s in counseling too. They need a perspective that is not your husband’s or yours, and to sort through their feelings. While I can understand their pain, they are displacing it to the wrong person.

You have every right to feel betrayed, to not trust your husband, and to be unable to love with him as if everything was fine. You found out about this, but I couldn’t help it if I were in your shoes, to wonder if that’s all there is to it and to not trust that except for these two, there weren’t others.

DerpDevilDD −  NTA They’re young and scared, which equals poor decisions. They understand that their dad did something bad, but in child logic, you are the one causing the problem, because you are the one who wants to change things. It sucks and it’s unfair. Hopefully, they’ll figure it out with therapy sooner rather than later. But, no matter what happens, you’re not the a**hole. You’re not doing anything wrong.

RenaH80 −  NTA. Kids don’t understand the whys… only that the family is breaking up and it looks like you are the one who chose this. It’s not just the cheating… it’s the 16 years of lying, too. Let them be upset. Continue to tell them you’re there for them when ready, keep showing up.

Don’t bad mouth dad, even if you really want to (and have a right to be upset for what he did). Try to have compassion for them because they’re the kids and they don’t understand. Eventually they will.

Putrid-Army-56 −  f**k that man and you are raising daughters. if you don’t show them how to have self worth and respect then who will? you’re doing great mama. i know it’s hard but you got this.

is76 −  Move forward with your life. Keep the door open for them but it might be years before they come back – if at all. Sorry it has come to this but they don’t understand the gravity of their ultimatum

bubblyyywarrior −  while your daughters are currently aligning more with your husband due to the upheaval, it’s essential to stay true to yourself and your needs. In time, with patience and continued love, they may come to understand and accept your choices. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out for support from friends, family, or professionals can help you navigate these challenging waters.

phred0095 −  It is possible to do everything right and still be hated. I’m sorry you have to go through this. But I do support your choice. It seems to be the right one. You’re going to have grief no matter what you do. May as well have grief for doing the right thing versus screwing up.

No-Neighborhood-7611 −  Yeah, it happened a long time ago, but you just found out, and it’going to chang you and your relationship. This emotional b**ckmail and it’s incredibly unfair to dismiss your feeling, but they’re teenagers, and all teenagers have tunnel vision and are self-centered. Hopefully, they attend therapy, and as they mature, they begin to see and understand why you had to leave.

DaisySam3130 −  Ask them how they feel when their boyfriends openly cheat on them. Ask them how they cope with the emotional devastation as perhaps they could help you cope better. I hope that they grow up soon. and yes, they definately should know why you are splitting up.

How should she handle her daughters’ strong reaction and refusal to see her if she continues with the divorce? Is there a way for her to move forward while preserving her relationship with them? Share your thoughts and advice below!