I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well?

A Redditor shared a heartwarming story about anticipating his son’s coming out and navigating how best to handle the situation. With a supportive approach.

He opened the door to honest communication, creating a safe space for his son to share. Their journey unfolded beautifully, leading to acceptance, love, and stronger family bonds. Read the original story below.

‘ I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? ?’

My son is gay. I knew when he was 5. My wife claims she knew when he was 4. We’re fairly competitive with each other so I think she’s just trying to beat me. My family is leaning towards anti-LGBT.

They don’t hate them, but they like to comment on it. My wife’s family doesn’t really care. They’re pretty accepting of anyone as long as you respect others.

My son has tried his best to hide the whole gay thing. It’s worked pretty well so far. He’s had a few girlfriends and took his girlfriend at the time to prom. We thought he might be bi, but he never got the same look on his face when he looked at a cute guy vs a cute girl.

Him and his friend Dakota have been hanging out a lot recently. I think they’re dating but it’s hard to tell. In the weeks leading up to June, my son has been acting stranger. and so far this month he’s still acting odd. I’m thinking with it being pride month, he wants to come out.

I assume he’s afraid to tell me because he thinks I have the same views as my family. I don’t want to steal his moment and tell him I know but I can tell something is wrong. I asked him if wanted to go out for lunch later this week and he turned me down.

Do I just wait for him to tell me or am I supposed to tell him I know? Should I make a joke about the fact that it’s been obvious to me for the past 10+ years? Or is this a serious thing? I only want what’s best for him, and if he is dating Dakota, he’s doing pretty well for himself.

Update:
The evening I posted I spent a few hours reading and rereading the comments. I was trying to work up the courage to have the conversation with my son. Not because I was afraid of the answer but scared I was going to say something wrong and damage our relationship.

A lot of you gave me the courage to start a conversation. I decided it needed to happen that night or else I’d lose my nerve. As soon as my knocked on his door, my mind went blank. I asked him if anything was wrong and if he wanted to talk at all.

I said I had noticed him acting differently over the past few weeks and wanted to make sure everything was alright. He said he was feeling a bit sick recently and that was probably what I noticed. I didn’t want to push too hard, but a lot of people said I needed to make sure he knows how I feel.

I told him that if anything was wrong, I would hope he would talk to him mom and I. We love him and just wants what’s best for him. The Sunday after I posted was Fathers day. We did a family dinner, just the wife and kids. We did cake and presents and after opening the gifts I told the kids I loved them.

They are the best gifts a dad could ask for and I’m so proud to be their dad. I told them I don’t say it enough but I want to make sure they know. After dinner, my son came downstairs and asked if we could talk. He looked visibly nervous and his voice was shaking. He stumbled over his words before saying that he’s gay.

Ever since our daughter, his older sister, was born, my wife would say that she loved the kids so much she just wants to squish them. My son started to say it back before hugging us as tightly as he could. It became a bit of a tradition that the tighter you hugged, the more you loved.

When he told us he’s gay, my wife and I nearly killed him with how tightly we squeezed him. We told him we loved him and were proud to be his parents. We ended up talking for about 2 hours about everything that’s going on in his life. Him and Dakota have been seeing each other for a few months.

In the middle of May, Dakota said that he loved him. My son wasn’t ready to say it back and Dakota didn’t pressure him. He wanted us to know about Dakota before admitting that he’s in love as well. He told us that Dakota was kicked out at 17 after he came out.

When Dakota came out, he thought they would be supportive but they weren’t. They kicked him out on graduation day and he’s been on his own since. He offered my son the spare room, just in case the worst happened and we did kick him out.

We invited Dakota over for dinner to get to know him a bit better. He’s a great guy and isn’t afraid to help out. My son is really lucky to be dating him. My son is a much happier version of his normal self.

My daughter is a bit upset that her brother found a boyfriend before she did. Obviously she isn’t serious, she really likes Dakota as well.
Thank you again for all the help and advice. I’m glad I was given the push to check in with him. Hopefully other parents can learned from my mistakes and experiences.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

MissMarionMac −  My daughter is a bit upset that her brother found a boyfriend before she did. This is the only even vaguely legitimate reason to be upset when a sibling comes out.

Congrats to your whole family (I’m including Dakota in that) on managing to be level-headed and thoughtful and compassionate and having the best possible outcome of your situation. Long may that continue.

UsuallyWrite2 −  That’s a terrific update. ❤️

HelloJunebug −  You raised some great kids and you seem like great parents! Your daughter is hilarious lol

Candid-Quail-9927 −  Thanks for this update. I wish more parents were like you and leading in with love for their children first. Your children are very blessed.

MentallyPsycho −  This has me tearing up at work. You guys are good parents.

goldencricket3 −  This ENTIRE post made me cry. Thank you for this beautiful journey. Cheers to you and your wife. Cheers to your son. Cheers to letting Dakota feel loved and have a sense of kind humanity. Cheers to everything in this. If I could buy you and your wife a cup of coffee I would. Cheers to this whole damn positive beautiful story.

PrincessBella1 −  You and your wife sound like wonderful people and you had the perfect way of accepting your son and his boyfriend. Now you need to protect him from your relatives, who may not be as accepting.

MrsQuasi −  Beautiful update ! A family full of love, acceptance, and support is the greatest gift we can give our children.

Theliseth −  I have been waiting for this update ever since I read your post. I am so happy to read how well everything turned out. You did a great job there, OP!

FrescoInkwash −  dakota sounds like a keeper!

This story beautifully illustrates the power of love and communication in strengthening family bonds. How do you think parents can create safe spaces for their children to share their true selves? Have you ever witnessed or experienced such a transformative moment in a family? Share your thoughts below!