I (single 48F) woke up to this text this morning from my colleague (married 51M) and friend of 5 years
A 48-year-old woman shares her shock and confusion after receiving a text from a married 51-year-old colleague and friend of 5 years. The text revealed that he has been harboring romantic feelings for her, despite their professional relationship and her clear stance on not supporting infidelity.
She is upset and unsure how to handle the situation, especially since they work closely together in upper management. She has never viewed him romantically and wonders what he expects from her. Read the full story below.
‘ I (single 48F) woke up to this text this morning from my colleague (married 51M) and friend of 5 years’
I (single 48F) woke up to this text this morning from my colleague (married 51M) and friend of 5 years. I am so upset that he sent this to me. He said he’s pretty sure none of this would come as a shock to me. Um, YES IT DID!! I thought we were friends. We work in the same department and have to work together every single day.
He’s married!! I, honest to God, thought our friendship has been nothing more than just that. Friends. I have asked myself if I’ve given any mixed singles and I swear I haven’t. When we went to BWW 5 years ago, it was after we had to meet a customer together and so we went to lunch.
I don’t even remember what we talked about but I promise you, it was small talk. I remember this lunch specifically because we both got Covid afterwards. I treat him the same way I treat my other colleagues (many also friends). I have always felt comfortable and safe around him because he is married (for 20+ years).
I was in a relationship 4 of the 5 years I have known him. I have NEVER looked at him in a romantic way and never will. I don’t understand why he would send this to me because it changes everything. I haven’t responded to him because I don’t know what to say. Btw, I go to lunch with him and other colleagues from time to time.
We go as a group or sometimes 1 on 1. I think I’m upset because I really appreciated his friendship and now I’m wondering what he expected from me after sending this text. Does he think I would get involved with him romantically? Did he think I wanted to hear this? WTF?
I have told him my stance on people cheating and how I do not condone that kind of behavior. Since we work together so closely (we are both upper management), how do I handle this? What do I say? Here is the text (since I can’t post screenshots to this forum): 5 years.
For the past 5 years, since a day that we had a lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings, I have not been able to get you off my mind. It was really bad about 2 years ago when I would have given up everything I had just to have dinner with you, but I find that recently, it is happening again. To wake up in the middle of the night thinking about you is both confusing and exciting.
I’m pretty sure none of this will come as a shock to you but I’m telling you because I have needed to get it off my chest for years now and I know I need to stop before it causes any issues at work. I’m always comfortable telling you anything and since I won’t be seeing as much of you as in the past now that we are downstairs, I thought I would end the year by letting you know.
Your sense of humor, confidence, strength, independence, motivation, risk taking, etc. makes it hard for me to hold in telling you how beautiful I find you every time I see you. Every day there is something different that has me realizing just how special you are. I hope 2025 brings you the health and happiness that you deserve.
Check out how the community responded:
WhydIJoinRedditAgain − Cover your ass by taking a screenshot and saving any text messges, let him know you see your relationship as purely professional, and tell him not to approach you in a romantic way again.. You have every right to be pissed.
ViolaOrsino − Nothing says romantic fixation like Buffalo Wild Wings.
thecapitalpointehole − You need to shut this s**t down. Be really direct with him. Tell him that you are not interested in him romantically. And hold him accountable for how inappropriate it was for him to message this to a coworker. You have done nothing wrong. If anyone should feel awkward here, it is him.
madfoot − Lord, give me the confidence of a basic mediocre white man.
Mmm_Lychees − “Actually, I am shocked by this. I valued our professional relationship and will continue to keep things professional. All the best for you and your wife in 2025.“ And stop any non-work interactions with him.
EmpathicEchoes − I’m sorry that your work buddy turned out to have ulterior motives. You have a couple of options: 1. As others have said allow HR to handle it. 2. I’d suggest a response along these lines if you’re comfortable, attempting to manage yourself. Wishing you all the best.
“Your message truly surprised and made me uncomfortable. My interactions with you have always been strictly professional, and I’ve never done or said anything to suggest otherwise.
Please refrain from contacting me outside of work-related matters moving forward, as you are a married man. I trust you’ll respect my request so there will be no need to escalate this further.”
No-Doubt9679 − 😂 sounds like he was living in fantasy lala land in his head about you two this whole time. Just text him back and say I have no clue what you’re talking about and I do not in anyway feel the same. Have a happy new year and give your wife a huge hug from me.
pyrocidal − “I know I need to stop before it causes problems at work”. he says, intentionally causing problems at work
chace_thibodeaux − but I’m telling you because I have needed to get it off my chest for years now and I know I need to stop before it causes any issues at work. Ugh, I’ve seen this so many times over the years in these dating and relationship forums, guys always want to confess their feelings to some woman that they know doesn’t feel the same, to “get it off my chest.”
It doesn’t matter if it might make the woman uncomfortable and ruin the friendship, she could already be in a relationship, or for any other reason; they don’t care; all that matters is how THEY feel.
I’ve seen guys argue that *”I need to tell her so that she can directly reject me because that’s the only way I’ll get over her.”* It’s pathetic (and selfish). And of course, many of them are lying to themselves, they’re confessing because they’re hoping that it’ll work, but are hedging their bets just in case. I’ll be this guy told you because part of him thinks you *would* be willing to have an affair with him now, but this way, he can claim otherwise if you don’t.
pamelaonthego − I completely understand and sympathize with the grief of discovering that a man you thought was your friend in reality had the hots for you all along. His goal here is to see if you are willing to start a romantic relationship.
Most men just don’t value friendship like women do. They will happily destroy a long term friendship for the chance of getting in your pants. This instance is especially unfortunate since you work together. Tell him from now on your communication will be strictly business related and that he should be ashamed for attempting to cheat on his wife. Watch him backpedal in a hurry.
What would you do if you were in this situation, especially with such a close working relationship? How should she handle the text and the colleague’s unexpected feelings? Share your thoughts below!