AITA for not telling my boyfriend I own the building we live in?
Imagine finding out that your partner has been keeping a big secret from you—one that could change the way you see them. In this story, a woman owns the building she lives in but hasn’t told her boyfriend.
When he finds out, he’s furious, accusing her of being a typical “greedy landlord.” Now, she’s left wondering if she was wrong for not being upfront about it from the start.
‘AITA for not telling my boyfriend I own the building we live in?’
Hi! Obviously a throwaway for privacy, also am new to posting so I hope I do this correctly! When I was 18, my dad gifted me a house with two stories. I am extremely thankful, we are not upper class but my dad bought this house for a cheap price a long time ago (it was his grandmothers cousin’s house). I know that this was an extreme privilege and I am forever grateful for this.
The layout of this building is like an apartment, but it is a house. So basically, each story has its own separate entry, its own kitchen and bathroom. I live upstairs while I rent out the downstairs. My boyfriend 25m moved in with me about three months ago and we have been together for six months. I have not asked him for money, neither for utilities or to pay me any rent. The only thing he contributes to is groceries, that we split 50/50. I have not brought up that I own the building as it is not something I tell many people, if people ask me I of course tell them that I own it, but if they just assume I am a renter then they can believe that. The topic of a landlord, the renter downstairs or the owner of the building has not been something we have talked about.
This last Tuesday the renter came up to tell me that her freezer has stopped working. I answered the door and my boyfriend heard us talking I suppose. I went downstairs to take a look and we came to the conclusion that she would buy a new one, send me the receipt and I would give her the money. She was very grateful for this solution.
When I went upstairs my boyfriend asked if it could be fixed, I told him no, but she was going to buy a new one and I would pay for it. He looked at me like I was crazy and asked me why the hell I would pay for her freezer, I told him that because I am her landlord and the freezer was there when she started renting, I would stand for the cost.
He just asked me if I was serious, to which I said I was. He begun screaming at me, asking him why the hell I would hold this information from him and that I was an evil person. I said I was sorry for not telling him but I did not think that it would matter. He said he could not believe he was together with someone who is a landlord, that all of us just use people for money and that the only thing “we people” care about is money and would rather have people be homeless then offering affordable rent. (The downstairs is 1 kitchen, 1 bath and 4 other rooms, I charge 500 dollars in rent).
I understand many people have had trouble with landlords, but I try my best to be a good one. He demanded that I give him 50% of the money I make from rent or else I was just as bad as he thought. Was I really the asshole for not telling him? He has not talked to me since Tuesday and I have tried telling him that I am truly sorry but he doesn’t answer me at all.
Edit: obligatory edit to add that I certainly did not expect this to blow up the way it did, I have tried to read as much as I can. Thank you all for your advice and support, I have talked with him and I will update later tonight when I had have time to process everything that went down and try to write it out as best as I can. For the people who was worried about my safety, I called my dad who was sat outside in his car when I talked with my boyfriend and I am safe as of right now and hope it will continue that way. Thanks yet again to everyone
Edit 2: update posted, sorry for the rushed update and weird writing, it is explained in my update as to why. Thanks yet again.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
LingJules – Let me get this straight. He must not have offered to pay half of the rent, because then it would have come up and you would have told him, right? He is living with you rent-free. Up to now, he thought you were paying the entire rent. On what planet does he deserve half of the tenant’s rent money? Please reconsider this relationship. NTA.
CapableEmergency5154 (OP) – No he did not offer to pay for any of the rent, if he offered I would have explained to him that I own the building. In hindsight, I should have told him that it was my building that he would be living in with me even if he did ask or not. I think that his outburst really showed how he was, I thought about breaking up with him but also thought I was maybe overthinking it. If it comes to that, at least I learned something for future relationships.
TheZZ9 – Yep, this is a huge red flag. He was more than happy to leech off you, not paying rent, not even offering, but the moment he found you own the place suddenly he demands half the money! And he has the cheek to criticise YOU? And landlords living off other people paying rent is evil, but his solution is for HIM to get half that money? So it’s evil unless he gets his cut? It’s very clear what kind of person he is.
MichaSound – This is reason 5067 why you don’t move in with someone after three months of dating. Landlords are evil, their money is dirty, but also give me 50%? Boy bye
WhyCommentQueasy – NTA, dump him. I know that’s a common response on this subreddit, but this dude was happy to exploit you for free lodging, and now that he finds out you’ve got income he wasn’t aware of he wants half of it just cause or else you’re a big meanie? You do not owe him an apology. You owe him a kick in the rear.
CapableEmergency5154 (OP) – He sees it as both a way of me proving that I am not renting as a way to grab money from people, so that is money is not what I care about I should have no trouble giving him half, but also as a way to prove to him that I am sorry for not telling him earlier that I own to building.
He begun screaming at me … and that I was an evil person.
He demanded that I give him 50% of the money I make from rent or else I was just as bad as he thought.
lol Either this isn’t real or your bf is a crazy asshole. Why would you want to date and live with someone like that? NTA but get rid of this guy if he actually exists.
CapableEmergency5154 (OP) – Dumb as it is, it very much is real. Before this he did not act crazy, not like this at least. We have not known each other for that long and he only moved in because his situation with his last landlord was extremely bad. He was about to renew his lease but the landlord was going to raise his rent very much, so I offered to let him live with me. So I guess some of that extreme reaction is because he has had bad experiences with landlords
CheckIntelligent7828 – NTA. I’m a landlord. We rent at below market rate, we never raise anyone’s rent (though we’ve lowered it,lol), we allow multiple pets, fix everything more quickly than in our own home, and try really hard to be the landlords we wanted. Small, 1-2 property landlords aren’t causing rents to skyrocket. And, for better or worse, no one’s reappropriating rental units to hand out for free. This is the system we live in, all we can do is try to do a little good where we can.
Your BF is making a money grab. You’ve been letting him live there rent free and he never questioned it. That’s bizarre. Now he wants you to give him cash or you’re “evil”. What happens when taxes are due? The place needs a new roof? A pipe bursts? Does he want to sign an agreement that he’s responsible for 50% of the cost? Since he took money you should be saving for things just like that?
This guy has told you who he is. Believe him. Now be very careful evicting him. Like, talk to an attorney first so it’s all legal. It doesn’t matter how he sees you or what he calls you. Him refusing to leave is the danger. You need him gone.
CapableEmergency5154 (OP) – I am currently at Work (i don’t live in the us so different time zones and i work weekends). To those who have been supportive, thank you. After all your comments i think this relationship need to come to an end, but I will try and talk with him today or tomorrow and see what he says.
To those who think this is made up, trust me when I say I wish this was. I can’t speak for why he said things that contradict each other, that only he can have an answer to. Ending the relationship should not be that hard emotionally, even though I have grown to like him, seeing and realizing what you helped me do, the emotions you can gather in six months are easy to overcome.