I (m35) have been friendzoned by my wife (f34) (update)

A Redditor shared an emotional update about his marriage coming to an end after his wife moved out and quickly entered a new relationship. Reflecting on the past and leaning on family and friends, he’s beginning to rebuild his life with newfound clarity. Read the full story below to follow his journey of heartbreak and growth.

‘ I (m35) have been friendzoned by my wife (f34) (update) ‘

The long and short is she has a new boyfriend after having moved out a couple months ago. He’s someone she’s been talking to since the beginning of the year. Only recently it’s escalated, supposedly. I only learned of this due to a mutual coworker like fifth-hand knowledge.

I called my soon to be ex wife to get confirmation. I said to her “some news has gotten back to me, do you have anything you’d like to get off your chest?” After a long pause, she says “I went on a date.” I knew this already so I said… And??. “and it went well”… And? “and there was a fainting incident in the hot tub”… And?

“and what?” and yalls got freaky right?. “well… We tried some things…” girl… Don’t lie to me. “yes, we were intimate.” OK bye. My 2% hope that maybe eventually we’d get back together is officially gone. We haven’t even filed any paperwork and she’s already done n**ty with an online dude. I get it. I see. I’m aware.

Now I’m going back through our relationship and really looking at things. She really isn’t a good friend or family member or person. She was a good wife until she wasn’t. Thank y’all for your feedback and support during this time.

It’s been a huge huge eye opener as far as how much emotional capacity I was giving her on a daily basis. I didn’t have anything left for anyone else. Now I’m spending tons of time with friend and family trying to form and keep connections.

There’s always good with the bad and that’s what I’ve noticed so far. My brother moved in with me and he’s honestly been a godsend. Tl;dr: wife left and found new guy. You all were right. I had my head up my ass. Now I’m sad but trying to enjoy friends and family. Thank you for your support.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Bucky2015 −  she’s probably going to come back once the new thrill wears off with the current guy. do NOT take her back!!

angel_inthe_fire −  Sorry, OP. Re-read this post, your last post and all the comments if she at some point feels regret and wants to come back. You deserve better.

Ifiwerenyourshoes −  She was cheating on you the whole time. File for divorce, and call her family, your family, and your close friends. Let them know you field, why you field and name him if you can. Don’t let her pretend she fell. Out of love b**lshit. She was cheating, and also op file under a**ltery.

schnozberry −  One thing to remember OP is that this isn’t about you. She’s done this before and it sounds like she gets bored in relationships and has no interest in putting in the work it requires to be a long term partner.

She’s chasing that feeling of newness and excitement that comes from fresh attraction, and she’ll enjoy it for a while until it loses its luster and she has to start the whole process again.

Relationships change over time, and the ones that survive past the initial honeymoon years transition into a stronger, more durable love that’s based on mutual respect, commitment, and a shared vision of the future.

I understand that what you’re feeling is complex and difficult to digest, but the best revenge in these situations is to move on and live well. After you find your person and look back on this in 10 years, you’ll realize she did you a favor. Sometimes we have to go through a tough time to appreciate the good ones. Good luck to you.

Necessary_Tap343 −  Definitely, monkey branched you. She had everything planned out ahead of time, probably months before the actual separation. She had emotionally checked out because she found someone who gave her what she thought she was missing
Here is something you need to know that is the honest truth.

This was never about who you are as a person or what you have or haven’t done during your relationship. This is all about your partner making intentional choices to betray you without guilt or respect for your relationship. Her cheating is a reflection of her character and lack of moral compass.

What you are feeling is natural, but please know that you deserve better. Once she cheated, she forfeited any right she had to complain and blame you for problems in the relationship. The moral and adult thing to do is to discuss your concerns with your partner and seek to resolve them with respect for each other.

If you can work it out through communication and maybe counseling great and if not then the correct thing to do is end the relationship for the benefit of both individuals. Cheating is a dishonest and emotionally a**sive way to avoid facing problems within a relationship.

After cheating, the failure of the relationship is 100% the fault of the person who cheated. Could you have been a better partner? Yes, we all can, but she stole your ability to improve by having an affair.

Boredread −  i’ve passed out before. and while the circumstances were different, i did not come to and look for the closest set of compatible genitals. i looked for the closest urgent care. i guess some people have different priorities. 

Ok-Interview-6642 −  I would divorce, go no contact if you have no kids. Change your number and get off social media! This of course is if you have no kids.

AnonThrowAway072023 −  Take care of yourself.  S**tty to have to go through this at Xmas, glad you’ve got family to watch over you.
Don’t try to drink your pain away.  Exercise, gym time. Oh and you do know she will snap out of the affair fog soon, right?

And she’ll come running back, saying it was all a mistake, you are the love of her life, she realizes that now? This will happen, so please be prepared and not shocked or surprised. She’s right at that age of wanting to feel the other grass, see if she chose the wrong life.

AdhesivenessSweet101 −  Man. This could have easily been written by me. I’ve been waiting to share my story until my divorce is finalized and I have all the details but this is very close to what is happening except only a few days after she moved out did I discover she was with another man.

Same man I then found out she has been talking to for months before she moved out. But it’s okay cause he’s only just a friend and nothing has happened! /s

Florida2000 −  My ex was a horrible person the only reason i was with her was she said the right things but never did the right things. I was in love with my own delusion. Dont fall for it, shes shown you who she is and where shes at. Dont fall back into loving a person who only exists in your head.

By the way im 11 years with the most amazing woman. A truefriends and partner. We dont fight, we talk s**t out, we laugh a lot and sometimes we just sit in total silence with out feet toughing to say im here (no i dont have a foot fethis, its hust our way of bonding while we read the internet or watch a movie).

I remember in my past relationship feeling so alone next to her. Now im so fullfilled just quitely sitting there i can feel the love. Its out there dont settle for anything less.

Do you think he handled the confrontation with his ex-wife appropriately? How would you cope with the emotional aftermath of such a revelation while trying to move forward? Share your thoughts and advice below!