I (M28) found new love but scared to be a dad to (F27) single mom?

A Redditor, 28M, has fallen for a single mom, 27F, and is excited yet apprehensive about the prospect of becoming a father figure to her child. While he has experience with kids through family, stepping into this role with someone else’s child feels different and overwhelming.

He’s looking for advice on how to navigate this new relationship respectfully and build a bond with both the woman he loves and her child. Read the full story below to see his heartfelt concerns.

‘ I (M28) found new love but scared to be a dad to (F27) single mom?’

After years of dating women without kids, I’ve recently found myself in a new chapter of life—dating a single mom. We’ve been getting to know each other for six months now, taking things slow due to her past experiences. Her child’s father hasn’t been present for most of her life and, from what she’s shared, hasn’t been the most reliable figure.

I’ve always wanted to be a father, and I’m great with kids, thanks to my experience with younger siblings and nieces. But stepping into this situation is different. I wasn’t there for the earlier years of her child’s life, and the idea of learning how to be a father figure while navigating this unfamiliar territory is both exciting and daunting.

I want to support her and her child without overstepping boundaries. How can I build a strong, respectful relationship with them both? What advice would you give for someone stepping into the role of a father figure for the first time in this kind of situation?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Piilootus −  You’ve only known this woman for six months, I don’t think either of you are ready for you to take over the dad role anytime soon. Keep open communication with your partner about what her expectations and boundaries are. See if you can find common ground.

Square-Minimum-6042 −  You are the mother’s BF not the child’s father. Remember that and take your time and get to know them both slowly.

wanderer856 −  I do agree with the comments down below. Father figure is too soon. Kindly wait another year before you get to meet or get close with the moms child. The first year would be settled under your commitment or dedication of GTK the single mom.

1adyCr0w −  As a single mum my rule is that no one meets my kids until we have been together for a year, and if we do make it past that point they’re introduced as a friend, not a father figure.

cressidacole −  You’re nowhere near ready to even think about meeting her child yet, so take many steps back from these “becoming a dad” thoughts. Date for another year and assess where you both are in your relationship then.

MonkRocker −  My man. Here’s my advice: it’s been 6 months. If you have already met the kid – run. If she suggests meeting the kid before at least one year has passed – run. And – If I was a single parent, and someone I had only been seeing 6 months started talking about their role as a parent to my child – I would run.

One year in is kind of the first hurdle for relationships – and most do not make it to the one-year mark. After a year, the honeymoon period is over, infatuation has had time to wear off, you know how annoying someone is to share a bathroom with, etc.

So the reason I say the things that I did about the timeline for meeting the kid: if she is bringing men she dates around her child before the one year mark – then she is doing a disservice to her child, because of what I said about most relationships not lasting a year.

Each time she does that is another opportunity for the child to get attached, only to have that person permanently removed from the child’s life a short time later. That is BAD for the child’s mental health and not a stable parenting situation – which is why I say – if you have already met the kid, or she suggests it before y’all hit one year – then YOU need to run, because that is NOT a co-parent that you want.

Look, my man – I had 3 long-term\* relationships before the one I got married in, and 2 of the 3 were single mothers, and I married one. I did have another which lasted around 6 months but she kept constantly pestering me to meet her kids, and did some other things which made it clear she was looking for a situation I wasn’t willing to provide.

What I’m saying is: If her child and her child’s well-begin are not 100% her TOP priority (even above – YOU) – then again – not someone you want kids with, because why would you? And once again – for reasons stated above – you need to *relaaaaaaaaaaaax,* dude. it has been 6 months.

Love is grand, love is great – but it’s WAY too early to start wondering how to parent a child with a partner you have only been with 6 months. You probably got stuff in the fridge older than that, my man. Don’t let her child get attached to you as a father figure when it has only been 6 months. No guarantee at all you are still gonna be around in another 6.. Good luck, my man.. \*longer than a year

FairyCompetent −  Stop thinking of yourself as a father figure. You’re not. You’re mom’s boyfriend. You can be a safe adult, you can be a good example of how she should expect men to behave, you can be a friend. Six months in to this relationship, you should be just beginning to meet this child in short time spans, like a dinner or a park date.

Take it very slowly. When you become more familiar with their routines, their family values, you can take on more authority as adult in her life. You work your way up to being a father, by listening and learning how that child thinks and feels.

Now for the parenting advice, and it’s short: children are mirrors. They behave the way the adult in their lives behave. If you want a polite child, be polite to them. If you want a patient and cooperative child, be patient and cooperative. If you are quick to yell or snap, expect volatility and low regulation skills. Speak to them the way you want to be spoken to, and the way you would want them to speak to others in their lives. 

Herpethian −  Ayoooo I love kids, I think they are fantastic little creatures. Dating women with kids is tough because there is no one size fits all scenario. Hows the bio father? Is he still in the picture? Does he pay child support? Respect his visitation rights? In other words does he make the effort?

If so, then you are only ever going to be moms boyfriend, you aren’t gonna be “dad”. But, if like many single moms, their baby daddy split. Then yeah, you can step up and be everything, maybe even end up adopting them.

But until that adoption happens then you are just a temporary fixture, you’ll be forming connection to children you have no right to. And if the mom ever decides to move on, well… tough luck on you.

This is a very serious series of conversations you should have with your partner. Some of the things that need to be discussed besides marriage and adoption. How does she expect you to coparent with her? Is she going to allow you to discipline her children? How much of a say are you going to have in house hold affairs.

What’s her relationship with her parents like – that’s going to be key to determine what kind of parent she’s going to be. What’s her relationship with her baby daddy? Does she speak poorly of him? Regardless if he deserves the negative attitude or not – you can almost be guaranteed to find yourself in the same situation with her eventually.

In an ideal situation everybody is a happy healthy adult and can communicate effectively. But so rarely is this the case in real life. Don’t let the rose colored goggles blind you to the pit falls, this is a very serious commitment that can lead to a lot of heartache for not just you, but also for the kids. If it’s taken lightly by anyone that’s a huge red flag that you should stop and reconsider.

HuffN_puffN −  Take it real slow, don’t met the kid to early. The older the longer you wait. But honestly don’t worry about it. She knows how to be a mom, which means if it goes forward and you start a relationship, move in together and so forth she will know and you will learn. But you need boundaries for the time being until that day where you might be a family.

Lilutka −  Do not meet the child yet and if you do, be just “a mom’s friend“, not a father figure. Before you commit to be a step fad, you need to make sure the relationship will last.

Do you think this Redditor’s apprehension is natural for someone stepping into a parenting role, or is it a sign he should reconsider the relationship? How would you approach becoming a father figure while respecting boundaries and building trust? Share your advice and experiences below to help him navigate this meaningful journey!