I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.

A user shared their experience of standing up for their Korean mother against disrespect from their white relatives during a family gathering. After years of witnessing subtle and overt discrimination, they finally confronted their aunt, who had been consistently dismissive and rude.

The confrontation led to an apology from the aunt but also caused tension within the family. Now, the user is grappling with feelings of pride for defending their mom and guilt for the subsequent fallout, including their grandmother’s suggestion to stop hosting Christmas gatherings due to ongoing family drama.

‘ I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.’

Is anyone else’s family this dysfunctional? Every year there is an argument in my family and after 32 years I was the one who blew up for the first time. Long story short, i’m half-Korean/half-white. My mom is Korean. My dad side is white. So we only have my Dad’s side here in the US.

For years, I watched my some of my dad’s side speak down to my mom. They never invite her to things. Me and my brother have always been treated like outsiders by some family members. To be frank, I don’t care how i’m treated. Every year, we always bite our tongues and survive the holidays because it’s only 2-3 times a year.

We repeat the process and don’t expect much from these family members. My mom even buys gifts every year for these family members, she gets nothing in return and never complains. My white Grandma is 80 and she’s the only thing anchoring us to some of these family members.

Three times today I watched a family member (Aunt) raise her voice to my mom, speak to her as if she doesn’t speak english and shut her down over simple questions like “where should I sit?”. I watched my mom quietly recoil and I couldn’t stand to see it again. This aunt does it the most and I finally blew up.

I yelled so loud everyone stopped what they were doing. I told them enough is enough, to start treating my mom with respect and as an equal in this house. To stop speaking to my mom (who’s lived in the US for 35 years) like she doesn’t speak english and stop shutting her down over simple questions.

I watched it happen year after year and will not allow it to happen anymore. My Aunt stomped away and was so upset she left. As she was leaving I walked up to my aunt to hand her my mom’s yearly gift to her. I said “for 30 years I watched my mom give you a gift every year. I watched her speak to you as an equal with respect.

I’ve never seen you treat her with the same”. She didn’t say anything but before she left, she apologized to my mom. Before I left, I apologized to everyone and explained why I was upset. Everyone was shocked how mad I got. I felt like everyone understood why I was mad.

Prior to this (around thanksgiving) I spoke to some family members about how I was hurt they never included my mom on family things or even texts about family emergencies. Which they have been trying to do more.

After blowing up, it made things awkward. People trickled out early too. Now my grandma is talking about not doing Christmas anymore due to the constant family drama. I feel bad, but i’ve never felt so proud to stand up for my mom. Does anyone have any advice on this? Handling rude family? Should I do something else?

Check out how the community responded:

wtfthecanuck −  Someone has to call out the assholes.

Bedtimeshine −  You should have done this a long time ago. Actually your dad should have.

im_back −  Everyone’s family is a bit dysfunctional. Your aunt needed that. Your mom needed that. Your grandma can get over it, or not (her decisions are her own). You didn’t ruin Christmas, that was happening for 32 years before you spoke up.

[Reddit User] −  Where is your dad from all of this? If somebody dared to mistreat my wife I will f**k them up.

Lady_Whatever −  Even if you “ruined” Christmas it was the good thing to do. Nobody should put down someone else like that. Rude and disrespectful. And I bet your mom is going to reprimand you about it because she seems like a very respectful person but deep down she’s very proud of you.

penisbag1995 −  Good job, you are a wonderful son and I wish you and your non-a**hole family members a merry Christmas.

fallinstar127 −  You absolutely did the right thing. My mom is from Thailand, and just the other day she came to see me at work and a coworker of mine started shouting at her because my mom has an accent.

I just looked at my coworker and said “you know she can hear you, you don’t have to yell.” That is one of my biggest annoyances, and I can’t imagine if someone in our family tried to treat my mother any differently because of where she is from. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with it for so long.

[Reddit User] −  I don’t know who you are but I am proud of you, it takes a lot more to stand up to family than anyone else. You blew up but you handled it great, you spoke your peace, people will either understand or not but, I’m proud of you dude

tinysprinkles −  As a Latina that dates a Chinese dude, an has to endure things like that – THANK YOU! You are a great son and your dad should learn from you! 💖 I bet your mom is so proud and happy her son stood up for her. 🎄🎅🏻 Merry Xmas to you and your lovely mom!

iamfromouterspace −  Listen, do not under no circumstances second guess yourself. I would have never allowed anyone to treat my mom this way…not even once.
I’d like to buy your ass a drink. Here you go 🍻