I love my boyfriend but his Christmas gifts were so thoughtless and has left a bad taste in my mouth

A 34-year-old woman is feeling hurt by her boyfriend’s (38M) thoughtless Christmas gifts. While she has always put effort into choosing meaningful presents for him, this year he gave her generic and practical items, like fridge organizers and a new set of silverware.

She feels that he didn’t consider her personal tastes and interests, leaving her wondering if he truly listens to her. Although he apologized after seeing her disappointment, she’s unsure how to bring up her feelings without making him upset. Read the full story below.

‘ I love my boyfriend but his Christmas gifts were so thoughtless and has left a bad taste in my mouth’

I have never posted on Reddit before, this is a throwaway account. I don’t know where to begin, I (34f) and my boyfriend (38m) have been together for several years (3). We used to give each other really nice gifts – not necessarily expensive but things we knew the other would like.

Things like he got me a signed copy of the screenplay of an obscure movie I like – a favorite movie of mine. And I have gotten him stuff like a big fluffy robe to replace his old one, a mini fridge for his game room etc. It’s not a competition but I always try and think about what he would really like. Sometimes it’s silver chains, other times it’s like a pocket knife (he really likes them).

And so this year I tried as best as I could, I spent probably a little more than I should have but I wanted to give him things he would really like – stuff that he doesn’t necessarily need but would be a nice surprise. An official jersey of his favorite team with his name on it, new stuff for his gaming setup (new headset, new monitor, new arm, back pillow for his chair), etc.

And he got me, well, a set of fridge organizers and a new set of silverware for the house (we live together) that we both said we needed to get to replace our old set. He did get me some candy I like (but he usually eats it more than I do-in fact he ate all the ones I had previously bought and said he would replace them – I just didn’t know it was going to be as a Christmas gift), and a robe to match his.

He got me a mini multi tool for me that he knows I don’t really use and would be more for him. A hair brush because he didn’t want to share his. Like, I just feel that the thought wasn’t there and he just rushed and got me these things fairly carelessly or stuff that we just needed for the house and wrapped it up and put a bow on it and said Merry Christmas.

I don’t know how to feel and I’m kind of hurt with the lack of thought put into it. I’m not saying I wanted anything expensive I just wanted to feel.. like he actually thought of me as a person. We have been living together for a while now and he knows me pretty well I’d like to think and it just felt … So shallow. Everything I got felt so h**low and shallow.

And I know I should be grateful for anything but, we are a dual income no kid home and I really don’t ask him for much other than splitting the bills and rent. I don’t ask him for money. We both have separate banking accounts and I am usually the person to buy takeout or Uber eats if I don’t feel like cooking.

His family gave us both a bunch of gift cards and he tried to give me more of them from the ones he got and it has me wondering if he did that because he knew he didn’t really put anything into the actual gifts?

Idk, sorry this got long. But I just thought the gifts would have been a little more meaningful. Like he got me a plastic teen’s Wicked the movie makeup travel box knowing I have a nice professional makeup box that has an led mirror because I travel so much for work and stay in hotels regularly. I had bought it this past year and he has seen me use it.

He also knew earlier this year I had talked about wanting an advent calendar. Even if it was a cheap one, it would have meant he had listened. Or a homemade one. And idk. I guess I’m just venting but I wish I knew how to bring it up to him like it hurts a bit but I don’t want him to get upset at me and call me ungrateful.

He saw that I seemed down and he said sorry for ruining Christmas and it made me feel awful so I apologized and said it was nothing. But it.. is something. Idk and lately for all of our gifts this past year it’s been this way.

It feels like he really doesn’t care or listen to me. My interests are pretty apparent as I decorate the house with a lot of the stuff he and I like. So idk it just feels very… Lopsided and one-sided..

TL;DR My boyfriend got me really cheap, and generic household gifts for Christmas when I put a lot of thought and research into his and it just feels like he doesn’t care about me and I don’t know how to bring it up or feel about it.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Kitty_party −  It sounds to me like you are starting to feel like his level of overall investment in this relationship has been lagging this year and Christmas is really highlighting that fact. I think having a conversation about that is the next step for you because ignoring it is just going to breed resentment.

frockofseagulls −  You say at the end that it seems like he’s put in less effort the past year, is this a trend that started well before the holidays?

DragonSeaFruit −  Actually the gifts feel very thought out, just not for your consideration but for his.

redwood_canyon −  I just want to validate your feelings — not everyone is naturally great at gift-giving, but it should be pretty common sense that basic household items are not a “gift” for you in any real sense.

On the other hand, if this is the first time this has happened maybe he got o**rwhelmed and just went with the first thing he could think of. I think it would be worth starting a conversation, don’t be accusatory but just say, hey you know I put a lot of thought into your gifts, and I feel hurt because it doesn’t feel like you put in that same amount of thought/care into what you gave me.

Hopefully he is surprised and receptive because this was an honest mistake. I also know it takes some of the romance/excitement out of things, but I think it’s ok to set expectations, and let him know what type of gifts you would expect — and then if he still can’t do that you know he is really not listening/paying attention

AlokFluff −  These are not gifts. These are things I’d order on amazon over the course of a normal month to make my partner’s and my life easier.  He’s starting to see you as the “running the household” person like that’s your identity.

Ladyughsalot1 −  You have to speak up. “You apologized for ruining Christmas. Why do you feel that way?” 

Githyankbae −  I guess I’m sort of torn. Sounds like there was a lot of effort before and not a lot of effort this time but it’s not really a pattern of behaviour yet so it’s hard to judge this with a longterm context.

Some years are more chaotic and more rushed. What if he did just f**k up and panic? What if he blanked on ideas and defaulted on stuff he knew you both needed? However, I think if that was my situation, I’d really try to find out if there’s something my partner would like even after Christmas to make up for it. I don’t know.

The holidays are stressful and a lot of pressure that I don’t think should happen every year tbh. I can understand why you’ve felt a little hurt and jilted. This is just difficult. I don’t know if I’d bring it up even. You might have to wait and see if his effort has gone downhill over time.

Or, you can communicate it but it might be awkward. You could mention that you’re not sure if effort was the same this year and see what he says. Sorry my response wasn’t more definitive, it’s just really delicate when it comes to gift giving.

Mar136 −  IMO thoughtless gifts is a huge turn-off and unacceptable from a partner. However, someone can have an off gift-giving season (especially if there’s good reasons for it like an especially stressful time at work, health issues, etc). Sometimes people just get o**rwhelmed with gift-giving and it’s not a big deal if it’s one isolated time. But if this is happening consistently and he’s been like this all year, then yeah, that’s not right and you should talk to him about it.

grayblue_grrl −  He’s now at the “taking you for granted” stage. You need to have a sit down conversation and ask wtf is going on.

Blueeyes_andflannel −  My standard gift buying strategy is to wander through a store, and any time from December 26th through to next Christmas, watch for something that reminds me of the person I’m buying for, and get that for them. Some years, I’m panicking, running through a store on Dec.

24th, other years, I’m done by the end of January, and my only issue is remembering where I hid the presents. As for the woman I’m “dating” now.. I asked her what she wanted, and made her something as a second gift. Your feelings are definitely valid!

Gift-giving can be a tricky part of relationships, especially when expectations don’t align. Have you experienced a situation where a gift left you feeling disappointed or unappreciated? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!