I feel like a j**k for telling my husband I’m not necessarily attracted to him cross dressing.
Enter a Reddit user’s raw confession. Pregnant, ill, and battling depression, she faces her husband’s hurt after rejecting his cross-dressing and BDSM advances post-nap. While she’s historically indulged his kinks, her current physical and emotional state renders his timing tone-deaf. His reaction—withdrawing and questioning her attraction—exposes deeper fissures: Can love coexist when one partner’s needs overshadow the other’s capacity to give?
‘ I feel like a j**k for telling my husband I’m not necessarily attracted to him cross dressing.’
Expert Opinion
Sexual Compatibility and Responsive Desire
Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, emphasizes that sexual desire isn’t static: “Stress, health, and life changes like pregnancy can drastically shift someone’s ‘brakes’ and ‘accelerators’ for arousal.” A 2023 study in The Journal of Sex Research found that 68% of pregnant individuals report decreased sexual interest, often due to fatigue or physical discomfort—a reality partners must navigate with empathy.
Kink Dynamics and Mutual Consent
While kinks like cross-dressing or BDSM can enrich relationships, they require ongoing consent. Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sexuality researcher, notes, ‘Kink exploration thrives on mutual enthusiasm, not obligation. If one partner is merely tolerating it, resentment builds.’ The American Psychological Association (APA) advises couples to establish “check-in” rituals to reassess boundaries, especially during major life transitions.
Pregnancy and Marital Stress
Pregnancy often strains relationships, with 44% of couples reporting increased conflict, per a 2022 Journal of Marital and Family Therapy study. Dr. John Gottman, renowned for marital stability research, warns that dismissiveness during this period correlates with higher divorce rates post-childbirth. “Partners must prioritize emotional attunement over personal gratification,” he stresses.
A Path Forward
Therapists recommend:
- Scheduled Check-Ins: Discuss needs without pressure. Example: “I love supporting your interests, but right now, my body and mind need gentleness.”
- Non-Sexual Intimacy: Bond through shared activities like prenatal massages or movie nights.
- Counseling: Seek a sex-positive therapist to mediate mismatched desires.
As Dr. Nagoski writes, “Intimacy isn’t about matching kinks—it’s about matching care.”
Check out how the community responded:
Community Opinion
Reddit’s responses skew toward NTA, condemning the husband’s timing. Users like u/WritPositWrit slam his insensitivity: “Greeting a sick, pregnant wife with BDSM gear? Tone-deaf.” Others, like u/tlf555, critique the one-sided dynamic: “He’s prioritizing his kinks over her humanity.” Some, including u/Lulu_42, suggest redefining intimacy: “Maintenance sex exists, but not at the cost of your well-being.”
Yet, as u/sthetic notes, “The issue isn’t kink—it’s empathy.”
What would you do? When a partner’s sexual identity clashes with your capacity to engage—especially amid pregnancy’s demands—where’s the line between compromise and self-betrayal? Imagine craving rest while your spouse seeks validation through role-play. Can love bend without breaking? We want to hear from you: Have you navigated mismatched desires during a life crisis? How did you preserve intimacy without losing yourself? Share your story below—let’s redefine partnership in the face of vulnerability.