I feel like a j**k for telling my husband I’m not necessarily attracted to him cross dressing.
A Reddit user shared a heartfelt dilemma about navigating her husband’s interests in cross-dressing and BDSM while dealing with her own emotional and physical challenges during pregnancy.
After an honest conversation about her preferences, her husband became upset, leading her to question whether she handled the situation the right way. Read the original story below to explore her perspective and challenges.
‘ I feel like a j**k for telling my husband I’m not necessarily attracted to him cross dressing.’
Me (29F) and my husband (28M) have been together since 2018 and have been married for 1 1/2 years. I was a virgin when we met but not naïve. Myself and him have always been into exploring and trying new things and I’ve always indulged in what he wanted to try.
He’s gotten into cross dressing, pegging, CNC, ect. All things he enjoys me doing to him and I don’t mind doing these things it makes him happy he enjoys them. I’ve never said I find it “attractive” when hw dresses up I’ve said in many occasions I have to be into it.
The other day I wake up from a four hour nap (I’m pregnant, I’m getting over being sick, my depression has been through the roof) and he’s dressed up and in some bdms gear. I admit I reacted by crying. I was exhausted I didn’t feel good I felt immediately pressured. He got upset and took it off.
I told him he didn’t have to it was fine but the mood was lost for him. Couple hours later I asked what was wrong and he asked, “do you find me attractive?” I was honest I said, “yes, but I’m a masculine way. I have to be in a specific mood for the cross dressing.”
He’s now really sad and not really talking to me. When I again asked what’s wrong he said, “you don’t want me in a fundamental way I need you to want me.” Idk if I could have done something differently or said something else.
I do really love him and I hate I hurt him but was I suppose to lie? I’m an open minded person and I want to pleasure him in ways he finds pleasurable but I’m not always up for it and sometimes o wish we had a more traditional marriage…
Check out how the community responded:
WritPositWrit − WTH?? You’re pregnant and recovering from a cold and he thinks the best way to greet you after a much-needed nap is in BDSM gear?? Tell him to get his head out of his ass.
It’s not about whether you’re attracted if not, it’s that you’re exhausted and he needs to be more attentive to that. Sounds like he’s in for a big wake up call when the baby comes and suddenly you’re busy focused on someone else (the baby).
Lulu_42 − When a couple is still exploring different nuances of their sexuality, I think it’s normal to discover there are some things you aren’t as into as your partner. Hell, even if you come to the table both as much older folk with a variety of s**ual experiences, you can discover your partner likes something you don’t like as much.
I do not believe this makes either of you fundamentally incompatible and I do think it’s something to talk through. The only thing that gives me pause here is he’s making everything about s**. It’s a big swing to wake your sick, depressed pregnant partner up from a nap with cross-dressing & BDSM gear.
There are times in life, and for many people pregnancy is one of them, where you need to put s** on the backburner and enliven other aspects of intimacy. I think it’s s**tty that he is making everything about s**/your attraction to him when so much is going on with your body right now.
I also want to say it’s okay if you realized through these experiences that you don’t enjoy his cross-dressing. That’s why you guys were trying different things – to see what each of you enjoyed. If you find you do not want to do this at all and he does want to do this often, then maybe this is a doomed relationship.
Or maybe he can get his needs fulfilled in some other fashion. Either way, shouldn’t this be put on the backburner while you’re pregnant? I’m not sure where you’re at in the pregnancy, either. If this is still early days and your relationship has a fundamental incompatibility, maybe you rethink the pregnancy entirely.
sthetic − I think the BDSM / cross dressing stuff is a red herring. If there were no kinky elements here, and it was, “My husband showed up at my pregnant, sick, depressed bedside with an erection and a grin, then got hurt when I said not now,” it would be similar. The outfit just dials the absurdity up.
In stereotypical hetero terms, men may not always understand that women don’t always get their engines fired up just by clapping eyes on a horny man. There’s mood and foreplay and intimacy involved. (Yes there are many exceptions, I am generalizing.)
They also may not understand that s** can be a willing favor on occasion. Meaning, she’s not exactly in the mood, or not in the mood for his fetish, but if she isn’t feeling busy or exhausted or hostile, she will participate to make him happy.
I know men (and women!) want their partner to ALWAYS be legitimately attracted, intrigued and turned on, anytime, anywhere, in any mood and any outfit. But honestly, maintenance s** exists. It shouldn’t be the only type of s**.
He may need to realize that, “I am not really turned on by this the way you are, but I will do it for you because you love it and I love you” may be the best he gets sometimes.
-zero-joke- − You’re pregnant? Your husband needs to commit to being in a support role right now, not asking for more from you. He needs to grow up and not be selfish.
BrilliantTwo7 − You’re pregnant and sick, and he decided that was the time for a BDSM session? That’s insanely selfish. It also sounds like you don’t enjoy his kinks very much at all. Consider that this relationship might’ve run its course if you’d prefer traditional gender roles. There’s nothing wrong with preferring that either.
tlf555 − You said you and your husband have been exploring different areas of your sexuality. It is natural during this exploration that you might find things that one of you likes and the other person doesn’t. Its important for you to communicate openly and honestly about what you like, dont like, or just feel indifferent about.
But a few things in your post stuck out about this being very one-sided: I’ve always indulged in what he wanted to try. Does he indulge in what you want to try? I don’t mind doing these things it makes him happy he enjoys them. I’ve never said I find it “attractive” when hw dresses up I’ve said in many occasions I have to be into it.
So this is an example where you communicated this is one of those “meh” things for you, but you are occasionally willing to indulge in for his pleasure. The other day I wake up from a four hour nap (I’m pregnant, I’m getting over being sick, my depression has been through the roof) and he’s dressed up and in some bdms gear.
So even though you told him “you have to be in the mood” for this sort of thing, he decides that his pregnant wife, who is literally sick and tired, should indulge in his fantasy right then and there. He then decided to pout over this. Very selfish.
He’s now really sad and not really talking to me. When I again asked what’s wrong he said, “you don’t want me in a fundamental way I need you to want me.” First, you called this “exploratory” but he has since defined his cross dressing as something that is fundamental to his being.
Honestly, if it is that fundamental to him, he should have let you know about it before marriage to see if that was a deal breaker for you. Springing it on you 6 years into the relationship and just expecting you to be on-board is selfish, unfair, and unrealistic.
agentsometime − Why is s** even on his mind when you’re sick, depressed, and pregnant?
190PairsOfPanties − Nice to see when you’re pregnant, physically ill, and struggling mentally- his first and only priority is dressing up in his fetish crap to push it on you the instant you wake up.
mariruizgar − You’re pregnant, exhausted and depressed, so much that you needed a 4h nap. Of course you weren’t in the mood and you don’t have to like and find attractive everything that he does, in fact, you’ve been very open and accommodating when he can’t even respect that YOU DON’T FEEL WELL.
ZealousidealCoat7008 − I probably wouldn’t be attracted to someone who treated me like this ever again. Like, it would permanently m**der any feelings of attraction I could have had.
Was the Reddit user’s honesty the best approach, or should she have responded differently to preserve her husband’s feelings? How would you navigate a sensitive conversation like this in your relationship? Share your thoughts below!