I caught my husband cheating last night?

A Reddit user shares the heartbreaking discovery that her husband of less than a year has been emotionally unfaithful through inappropriate messages with a coworker. Despite the pain, she feels trapped by cultural expectations and her enduring love for him. Read her full story below to explore her dilemma and seek advice on what to do next.

‘ I caught my husband cheating last night?’

I (F 27) have been married to my husband (28) since October. We love each other, it’s always been easy. He can be tough to handle sometimes but I can too, I can’t say I even suspected this. Last night, I had a couple of drinks, and I did something I really shouldn’t have.

I kept having these thoughts for two days straight for absolutely no reason. The urge to ‘check his phone’ check his phone check his phone kept telling me. I didn’t want to because for absolutely no reason, I felt like I will find something that will cause troubles.

I kept trying to fight the urge to do something so s**tty, till I found his phone in the bathroom and I opened it. He was talking to a girl, saying ‘these pants you were wearing yesterday, you wanted to get spanked. She replied ‘I’m waiting for you’ and the conversation ended with ‘I love you’.

Now I don’t even know this girl, I confronted him, he said she was a work mate and he didn’t act on it. He didn’t do anything ‘physical’ and that he’s sorry. Now I feel like absolute s**t, how should I approach this? I didn’t tell my family yet, I’m just sitting here with so many thoughts going on and I don’t know what to do

TL;DR my husband is cheating on me and we’ve been married less than a year. Is this salvageable. Should I end this

edit: We’ve been together since high school. I loved him so much, ever since we were kids. It’s hard for me to read these comments because ‘dumping’ him isn’t easy for me to read. I know he cheated deep down, and I’m starting to think maybe it wasn’t the first time.

I live in Egypt, divorce is a pretty big thing around here. If I really proceed through that step, it’s going to be incredibly hard on me. I love him and I feel like I can ‘t possibly trust him ever again. We’ve always been happy, I don’t know what went wrong. Should I text this girl and confront her? Am I being crazy

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

sidnutz −  You guys haven’t even been married a year, I think you should move on because you’re still young and have sooo much life ahead of you. If you forgive him now, he’s gonna learn it’s okay to do these things and it will never end. Do you believe that nothing physical happened? Because he’s proven he isn’t a truth worthy person. You should tell someone close to you so you have the support needed to proceed through this. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

incognitothrowaway1A −  Divorce. He’s a c**ater and l**r.. You haven’t been married long.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 −  Sorry he’s lying. If they are at the I love you stage they have acted on it. Even if by some miracle he hasn’t touched her he’s in love with her.. Walk away. You deserve better.

Lizzy_the_Cat −  Nothing physical has happened, but he loves her? Yeah what a l**r. He doesn’t even own it. Walk away now, before there are children or shared assets that tie you to him.

Mz_JL −  For me its hard to trust once the trust is broken. Infidelity is a big no for me, that is break, up territory. You need to know for yourself your limits.

YokoSauonji12 −  Do not stay with this man util you have children ect… He’s only sorry cause he got caught.You said you’re married for less than a year, it’s time for you to leave and find someone better. Get std checked, he’s not worthy your health. Expose both, especially him to peoples around you. Do you want to spend the rest of your marriage wondering if he’ll do it again? Did he cheat before? Was it all a lie? Is he really sorry? Is he faking his love?

AshingiiAshuaa −  If you don’t have kids together and/or aren’t preggo d**p him. It’s easier just to start over than to d**p a bunch of time salvaging a relationship with someone who cheats.

racheecakes −  Don’t feel badly, your instincts picked up on something  subconsciously. No kids? No mortgage? Not even 12 months, and he’s letting his eyes and emotions stray. I don’t know the intricacies of your relationship, so I won’t speak on anything of that, however I do know , that work colleague  is not going away.

Whether he did or did not do anything physical doesn’t change that she will still be there, and still be willing to do something in the future. And he will still be tempted. I had a coworker cheat on his wife (with kids , a mortgage etc) with a coworker. They still work together.

They still chat at work, he still tells me how fine she is in passing. I feel the tension  between  them to this day – 2 years later. (My male coworker has trauma dumped the whole thing on me, there were NEVER “I love you’s” exchanged.)

Do you want your husband working around a weakness? Do you feel comfortable knowing your husband is around this person consistently throughout the week? Do you approve of him acting unprofessional in what is suppose to be a professional relationship and setting?

More importantly than all of that, if you forgive and move forward, how are you going to handle the insecurities that will naturally arise when he is at work? He’s gas lighting you to minimize the situation, and instead make you feel guilty for phone checking.

Whatever you choose to do, I would like you to not feel like s**t for YOUR ACTIONS. Feel like s**t cause it hurts,, feel like s**t for the betrayal, but don’t feel bad for the actions you took to uncover his infidelity, physical or not. 

jne_nopnop −  Time to bounce. Been with my gf almost 10 years and her happiness is always my #1 priority. I trust her fully and she knows it, and she trusts me fully and I know it. We actually look forward to solving problems together, that’s how much we love each other. Any decision I have to make throughout the day, my first consideration is 1) how will it effect her and 2) will she be happy/proud of my actions in her absence.

That’s what love means to us, you may be different. But your happiness matters, and you don’t deserve to hurt and suffer in order to provide happiness to someone who doesn’t even treat you with the least bit of respect. GTFO of there, nobody text spanks their coworker just for fun, come on now.

clearheaded01 −  You trusted your gut.. good.. October – married less than a year and already hes cheating.. he said she was a work mate and he didn’t act on it. He didn’t do anything ‘physical’ and that he’s sorry. Hes sorry hes been caught, yes… not sorry for betraying you… My advice:

Lawyer. And while lawyer is working, inform his family of his a**ltery AND that youre consulting a lawyer.. OP… IF you decide to give him a chance (dont!!) hr has to quit the job.. he cannot keep working with the woman he cheated with… And no matter what – dig into *HER*.. if she has a spouse, they have to be told of this… your husbands reaction to this, will tell you much about his suitability for R..

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and rebuilding it after betrayal can be incredibly challenging. What advice would you offer someone in her situation? Should she consider counseling, confronting the other woman, or something else? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.