I (37M) told my girlfriend (34F) why my family was giving her bad looks at and now I am on week 2 of drama because of it AITA?

A man and his girlfriend of over a year are facing tension with his family after a recent visit. His girlfriend used strong language at a family dinner, which led to disapproving looks from his family, and she became upset. Later, she canceled plans to join family activities, which frustrated him.

He voiced concerns about her inconsistency and explained why his family might have reacted to her language. This escalated into ongoing arguments, especially as his girlfriend felt judged. read the original story below…

‘ I (37M) told my girlfriend (34F) why my family was giving her bad looks at and now I am on week 2 of drama because of it AITA?’

I (37M) told my girlfriend (34F) why my family was giving her bad looks at and now I am on week 2 of drama because of it, is this salvageable? I am having a hard time right now because my girlfriend, whom I love, has decided that my whole family hates her and I am also against her because of what happened when My brother and his family visited.

For a little back story we have been dating for a little over a year. I am a solo parent (mother is deceased) of 2 amazing little girls 6 and almost 9. She has 3 great kids, 15F, 14M, 9F. My brother also has 3 kids and comes to visit about once or twice a year for 4-5 days.

My mom lives very close to me and I see her almost daily, she helps me with so many things and has really been my rock through difficult times becoming a full time single dad, and I also work full time as a professional engineer.

It’s also important to say that during this, her kids were on a trip with their grandmother for 2 weeks and she stayed home to work. Recently my brother visited and we had dinner at my moms house, and during the dinner my GF was cussing a lot in front of the kids and everyone.

She is definitely a cusser (curser?) but it’s never been an issue for me, and to me this seemed out of the ordinary. Just loudly saying f**k and s**t at the dinner table with all the kids present, and my moms natural reaction was to give her a dirty look.

She took this as an insult and quickly left after dinner without barely a goodbye. I tried to play it off but it wasn’t hard to see it wasn’t normal. She’s usually the one who hugs everyone before she leaves etc. The next day, after she slept over, she said she wanted to spend the whole day with us and we had a whole bunch of activities planned.

She just needed to “go home and get pretty”. Fast forward the whole day and she texted me through the day saying “I’ll be there soon” but we didn’t see her until about 4 o clock. It was a little awkward for me as I told everyone she was coming in the morning.

After my brother left we talked about it, and I told her I didn’t like her saying something and not following through. I would have been fine just for her to spend the day doing whatever she wanted and meeting up for dinner, or not at all.

I just really dislike it when I’m told one thing then she does another. I expressed that to her, and so it begun… She said I compare her to my ex (reason why I’m sensitive to the “I’ll see you soon” thing) and my mom was comparing her to my ex, and I was being unreasonable for “wanting her there every second”.

I do want her there, but also understand sometimes first introductions are better little by little, and she has high anxiety, so it’s all good. I told her exactly that before and after, but I stuck to not anting to be strung along. Next she said my mom was giving her a bunch of dirty looks, and so I told her likely why,

because she was dropping F bombs at the dinner table. Well I might as well have said that everyone I know and myself hate her as a person and want her to be a robot, the exact phrasing is “I’m not going to censor myself”. This led to a bunch of arguing, not yelling but just talking.

It finally got to the point I was about to just throw in the towel and she backed off. I won’t go into detail but I said I respect her feelings but she has to respect mine too and just because someone didn’t like her word choice doesn’t mean they hate her. My mom loves her by the way.

She also said she won’t change for anyone and if I have a problem it is my problem, which she quickly backed off of after I basically repeated back to her what she said. No my daughters birthday is tomorrow and I also coach her basketball team so we won’t be able to do birthday dinner until late,

so I said I would just take her out to a restaurant and we could celebrate more the next day (Halloween). My GF said she wanted to cook and she would make dinner happen, but she didn’t want my mom to help cook or be around… ok.

I told her I’m not going to play referee and she needs to talk to my mom if she feels like this still. I just want the birthday girl to have a nice dinner (we had the party this weekend). My mom is totally oblivious to all of this I should add.

Now she is mad again saying I’m not respecting her boundaries and feelings, I am saying she isn’t considering the birthday girl and just it’s all my fault she now feels like s**t. and she wants to not only cancel cooking for the birthday dinner but Halloween as well.

I’m emotionally exhausted by this now, and in my mind what should have been simple communication that needs to happen for a strong relationship is now just has spiraled out of control.

I do feel she’s making everything about herself and being s**fish, but if I told her that I might as well tell her she is fugly, smells, and everyone hates her.
AITA? I really do love her and started imagining our futures together. I was even thinking about how her and her 3 kids could move in with us in the future.

 

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Cinaedus_Perversus −  I was even thinking about how her and her 3 kids could move in with us in the future. I would reconsider. Your GF sounds like a piece of work and it will only get worse.

RevolutionaryDiet686 −  NTA She wants everyone to adjust to her with no changes on her side. Too controlling and it will spiral and affect your children. Step back and really think about your future and if she is a good fit.

Intelligent-Bat3438 −  She doesn’t sound compatible with your family

gringaellie −  She’s not worth it. If she’s happy to cut you off from your family rather than stop swearing around children, then she isn’t a good person.

discoduck007 −  NTA I would absolutely ask her to censor her language in front of the younger kids as this behavior ends up becoming habit and apparently even she has fallen into the unnecessary habit of using bad language. For the sake of not giving the kids this behavior she should tone it down.

Picking a fight over a kids birthday is the most immature thing here absolute b**lshit. Happy birthday to your daughter and I hope Halloween is awesome despite your GF behavior!

Efficient-Reading-10 −  Do you really want someone this immature around your children? I would move on.  You deserve someone who keeps their word, and who understands when it’s not appropriate to use foul language 

Tea_Time9665 −  Bro. Why u still dating such a low class woman. I’m a massive f-bomber. I don’t fking say it around kids

mustang19671967 −  I have never met anyone in 50 years who curses and dinner table male or female . Cut your loses , when people show you who they are believe them

skorvia −  Your girlfriend sounds like she’s a pain in the ass, is it really too much work, you should sit down alone, quietly and see if this is all you want in a relationship? Do you see yourself in a future with her and your family?

fmlwhateven −  A little over a year with someone with 3 kids feels a bit soon to consider moving them in. But anyway, if she were in a professional environment, would she censor herself? Probably. Because there’s a time, place, and occasion for things.

Dinner with the in-laws is generally one such occasion, especially if you’re the only one doing it (i.e. not speaking everyone else’s ‘language’). I also hate when people say one thing and do another. You know what that’s called? Lying. On top of being shamelessly disrespectful of everyone’s time.

Accountability is a responsibility you take on when you make plans with other people. And now you see that she is also irresponsible. So. Are you sure you really want to have a future with her? NTA, but you might become one to yourself and your family if she doesn’t smarten up.

Is he justified in wanting better communication, or should he have handled things differently? Share your thoughts below!