I (37m) just inadvertantly stumbled upon some suspicious activity with my wife (36f)?

One Reddit user, a 37-year-old man, is left questioning his wife’s (36F) behavior after noticing suspiciously high text activity with a single man since August. Despite her busy work schedule and family commitments, she seems to be spending an excessive amount of time texting him—often late into the night. With his trust shaken, the user is struggling to make sense of the situation. Read the full story below to see how he wrestles with his suspicions and tries to figure out what’s really going on.

‘ I (37m) just inadvertantly stumbled upon some suspicious activity with my wife (36f)?’

So our phone bill came due but it was more than usual so I gave it a once over to see where the extra charges came from. Turned out to be new activations, no big deal. Although, while on the main page I noticed my wife’s last month text count was over 7k. Shes a very busy lady, a demanding job and 2 separate volunteers positions. I expect her to have a lot of texts.

I got to thinking about it and still decided that an average of 250 per day is insanely high given that shes at work 10+ hours a day and even gets snippy with me when I text her at work cause shes busy…..Who could she be texting?

I decided to go ahead and look at the detail and sure enough theres one number that she texts every day from pretty much when she gets in the car in the morning till shes laying in bed at night. I honestly dont know what to think. My curiosity got to me and I started plowing through old phone bills. This number started showing up on August the 8th.

Since then over 16k texts have been exchanged. Often into the wee hours of the morning. Shes never mentioned any new friends… So I get home this evening and get the kids ready for dinner, she starts looking for her charger and I start helping her find it. I found it and go to put it in her purse right when a text comes in. I HATE being that guy but I did it.

Checked her phone, dont have the passcode but saw who the text was from. Some dude . She has him programmed first and last name. Checked time against latest activity and that dude has the number that shes been texting so much. Looked him up, hes a single guy that has absolutely zero to do with anything that shes affiliated with so they aren’t coworkers….they are friends on fb though…

oh and I also found my wife’s vibrator which has been in the closet for 6 years sitting right in her purse! Said nothing about either and just let it go until i figure out what’s going on. I love my wife and I trust her completely, i think. I dont even know when she would have time for an affair given how busy she always is. Or maybe this dude is the reason for all the late evenings.

And actually now that I think about it a lot of little wierd things are starting to make more sense. 😕 I really dont like the direction this is heading. Am I reading to much into this? We’ve been married for 6 years and have 2 kids. We havent had a date in months and havent had s** in even longer than that. Not for lack of trying on my part. Shes gained a little weight and says she just always feels gross. Anyone have any advice?

Tl;dr wife texts dude over 16k times since August; shits pointing towards infidelity but I’m trying to rationalize her actions…

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

giveuptheghostbuster −  If they are texting this much, you’ll be able to pinpoint when they’re together by the texting breaks. If there are no texting breaks, it’s likely the affair isn’t physical yet.

butts3x −  If you stay with her, get an unlimited plan.

AusFrosty −  Occam’s razor… “Occam’s razor is the problem-solving principle that the simplest solution tends to be the correct one. “

itsbrittany-bitch −  I’m going through something like this now. I found out my husband was texting my sister, he left his phone in my car. The conversation was mostly deleted. I have Verizon and downloaded Verizon messaging on my phone and borrowed his phone really quick to activate it. It downloads EVERYTHING that was sent in the last few months. Needless to say, I don’t have a sister or husband anymore.

LittleBunneh −  You have to talk to her. Stay calm and don’t get defensive but just be like “hey, I saw that the phone bill was super high and I noticed that you’ve sent over 16k texts to just one person im since August and it’s a little concerning for me….” I think from what you’ve explained it’s safe to assume she may have met someone else but you have to ask her before assuming the worst. Brace yourself, though.

**Edit:** hi guys. I didn’t realize my comment would garner so much attention, and also so many people saying my advice is bad. Let me start if by saying I answered OP’s main questions of “how can I bring this up/what do I do.” He didn’t say anything about getting a divorce, he’s not even mentally there yet. He’s still at the “is this really happening, omg” kind of thing.

Maybe, just maybe, there is a slim chance that nothing really is going on although I’d agree that I think he has enough evidence that something is going on. Also, it’s quite possible that OP’s wife will trickle truth him, but that won’t stop him from finding things out of he really wants to. He could simply add a GPS option to his cellphone plan and ping her when she’s “working late.”

He could try and follow her. He still will have a chance to build his case. But he’s not there yet, at least I didn’t gather that from what he posted. You guys are all very smart and calculating and your advice is very good.

I admit that I didn’t even think to consider telling OP to wait until he had actual proof to bring it up to her because, well, I’m emotionally driven and the time it would take to gather evidence would be too much for my little heart to handle, I would need answers right away. Maybe OP feels the same. Either way, it came from a good place and I wish OP and all of you the best.

Why-so-delirious −  Since then over 16k texts have been exchanged. Often into the wee hours of the morning.. And he’s a SINGLE GUY. A single guy receiving 16K messages from a married women, obviously going back and forth, and your wife has been having all these ‘late evenings’ which you casually dropped in there.

You’re trying to have s** with her, and she’s not giving you any *while* taking her vibrator out in her purse?. I mean, mate.. Mate.. Take some steps back. This woman is staying late in the evenings ‘at work’, exchanging thousands of texts with a single male *into the early hours of the morning*, and is clearly s**ually active while refusing advances from her husband. If this hypothetical person wasn’t your wife, would you think she was cheating?

[Reddit User] −  Thats A LOT of text messages at weird times. You have every right to be suspicious. Trust your gut man! Try to dig more, but be discreet and subtle, as in, dont mention it untill you think you have found concrete evidence. From what it sounds though, she is definitely hiding something from you. Nobody texts that much! But like teenagers, and new couples.. It truly hurts to say.. Ive been through this before.

iturner795 −  This same thing happened to me. Down to the odd location of s** toys. Buckle up friend, you may have a lot of pain headed your way. My best advice is to stay calm and be the better person. I confronted my wife with all the evidence and she denied everything and swore on our daughters life nothing was happening. Of course she was having an affair.

The lies poured in as she tried to protect her marriage and her affair as she wanted both. I finally caught them in a hotel room together. I’m glad I found out and got concrete evidence but seeing them together was devastating and will probably be with me the rest of my life.

Try to find out another way. Ask her to go to counseling and ask her point blank if she is having an affair. Even if she lies she will know you are into her and may quit or get sloppy trying to hide it and make a mistake. You need to ask yourself what you want to do if she is in fact having an affair. I personally thought I would go straight to an attorney.

But, we separated and we are currently dating and living in separate places and working on our relationship. Things are looking hopeful but one thing you need to understand is that your relationship may never be the same as it was. Trust your gut but follow your heart as well. I’m sorry this is happening to you. No matter how badly it hurts just remember, the pain will eventually fade.

Steve-C2 −  Get a really good lawyer.

**Edit:** There is no reason to let her suspect your suspicions. In fact, there are a lot of people who will say that you had no right to look into the texts and phone bill. So get a *really* good lawyer, explain what you found, and move forward from there. If your wife is being unfaithful she will deny it, and when confronted with the evidence she will likely start the process for a divorce. So, get a ***really*** good lawyer.

mochacocoaxo −  I hate to write this but… All this activity is too suspicious. I am almost 99% certain that she is stepping out on you. You will have to confront the situation. Talk to her politely. But don’t be too hopeful because come on…. what married woman, texts a guy, that many times a day and they don’t have an intimate relationship?. Seriously……

Do you think the user is overthinking the situation, or are his suspicions justified given the circumstances? How would you handle discovering such a suspicious pattern in your own relationship? Share your thoughts and advice below to help navigate this tricky situation.