I (35F) have proof of my husband’s (39M) affair with our sitter (19F). What now?

A Redditor (35F) shares the painful discovery of her husband’s (39M) affair with their 19-year-old babysitter. After finding proof of the affair through suspicious messages, deleted texts, and even a video, she is now unsure of how to confront her husband or move forward with a divorce. To read the full story, check it out below.

‘ I (35F) have proof of my husband’s (39M) affair with our sitter (19F). What now?’

I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years now, and for the first time in the 10 years we’ve been together I can’t stand to see him. This man ruined our marriage and family for some 19 year old. Divorce is the only option for me, because I don’t think I will ever love him again.

It all started 1 year ago when we were looking for a babysitter for our 2 sons. I along with my husband work full time. After putting the word out one of our neighbors informed us that their daughter was interested in the job. (Fake name) Maggie came by for us to interview. She had experience and she was able to work around our schedule.

At the time it seemed like a win all around situation. We found someone responsible and Maggie found a job that could help her out. I never once was, insecure about Maggie’s looks or worried about my Husband being attracted to her. Maggie did a great job taking care of our sons. We were both happy with her.

Around last July I started to get suspicious, because of how my husband and Maggie would talk with each other. I came home one day to find my husband making Maggie laugh uncontrollably. I tried to forget about it, because I felt like I was becoming jealous of this younger woman. It stayed in the back of my head after that.

The second sign was when I was changing the sheets in our guest bedroom I found strands of Blonde hair. No one in my family has blonde hair, I’m a brunette. The last guests we had over were my in laws who don’t have blonde hair either. The only person who’s been in my house recently with blonde hair is Maggie.

That’s not a big deal though, because maybe she laid down after getting tired or something. Then there was the whole car fiasco. Husband out of no where one day asks my opinion about buying Maggie a new car for her birthday. This took me by surprise, because it’s not like Maggie doesn’t have a car.

Also I don’t think we’re in the situation to be giving away cars as gifts. Husband’s argument was that her car was old, and if she took our boys out it would be safer in a new car. I told him no on the car and that was final. After the car situation alarms are going off in my head.

At this point I go from thinking I’m just jealous of Maggie to there’s something going on here. Now Maggie is coming to work in skirts with heels on. She went from sweat pants and not wearing make up to now have makeup on and her hair done. Then I notice her toes are painted black. My husband has a thing for feet.

I’ve known this for our entire relationship. His favorite color on my toes is black. Now I have this 19 year old coming to work in high heels with her toes done in my husband’s favorite color. At this point I’m 99% sure something is going on. I get a hold of his phone. I’m looking in the messages for Maggie.

Maggie is in a group chat with us. All contact and scheduling is supposed to be done in that group chat with all three of us in it. I find Maggie being texted by my husband separately in his phone. The messages obviously had been deleted by him since the last message was from earlier today a bunch of laughing emojis from her.

I did some research and realized I could recover messages that had been deleted. What I uncovered was probably all of the evidence I needed. It’s him basically telling Maggie about how our marriage is basically over. They talk about spending the rest of their lives together. How she can move in as soon as I move out.

She makes a statement “your son’s won’t even miss her when they have me as their mom”. That one really hurt me, because the audacity of this woman to talk about my son’s like that. Also I found snap chat on my husband’s phone which he’s never had before this. I have a copy of the conversations on my phone.

I also have them on video kissing in our back yard. They must’ve forgot the security camera was there. Now that I have all of this evidence I’m not sure how to approach it. Do I talk to a divorce attorney before I confront my husband? Do I confront my husband at all about this, because I would like an explanation about why he thought it was a good idea to throw away our marriage of some 19 year old wanting to play housewife.

Also do I make any financial moves before blowing this up? As of right now I’ve been pretending like everything is okay. I don’t think he suspects anything. I’m too embarrassed to talk to my friends and family about this. I feel like I’m still in shock over all this. It just all feels like a terrible dream that I’ll eventually wake up from.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Best_Kale_670 −  First things first. DON’T CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE YOU SPEAK TO A LAWYER! DONT move any money. Don’t leave your home. Make sure all your evidence is backed up in an email he doesn’t have access to and when you get a lawyer send all the evidence to them.

Your lawyer will help guide you in the correct direction with your best interests in mind. Also get rid of that little nanny shithead. Make a provision in your divorce that any arrangements for childcare has to be agreed upon by all parties. Again, the lawyer will help with all this! Also, I’m incredibly sorry this is happening to you. It’s unfair and I know you’re hurt.

Alarmed_Jellyfish555 −  Do NOT confront your husband. You’re not going to get any answers from him. You already know he’s a deceitful, predatory, cheating scumbag. What is left to say? Take the proof to a divorce lawyer. This guy is EXACTLY the type who will s**ew you over if he catches a whiff of your plans. Act like everything is just fine until papers are served and you have a strong plan in place with your lawyer.

As for the girl? Show her parents proof of everything and let them deal with it. AFTER papers are served. I know someone who was in a similar situation. They were able to prove the mistress-turned-childbride was trying to turn their kids against them and it was written up that they couldn’t be around the kids. Ask your lawyer about that.

Infamous_Crow8524 −  1) Keep him in the dark about your knowledge of the affair. Do not let him know you have any suspicions or knowledge of his activities.

2) Get a good lawyer, who can advise you on how to maximize your proceeds from the divorce.

3) Do what the lawyer says, when the lawyer says.

Champion_Flight −  Wake up, this isn’t a dream, it’s a calculated betrayal. Your husband isn’t having a midlife crisis, he’s orchestrating your replacement with someone barely legal. He’s discussing your children calling her “mom” while sleeping with her in your home.

You don’t need his explanation, his actions tell you everything. Get an attorney, secure your evidence, protect your assets, and prepare for war. He’s already shown he’ll choose his teen girlfriend over his family’s stability. Forget about getting closure or understanding why, he’s shown you he’s garbage.

Typical_Agency8984 −  If I remember correctly you posted last year. Speak to an attorney. If possible separate finances such as changing direct deposits and take half savings right before confrontation. You can also do a credit check to see if he has any hidden accounts or savings. Also ask the attorney if you can get cameras in the house that he doesn’t know about mainly in the bedrooms.

geomagus −  You’re looking for legal advice, not relationship advice. You’re not asking for help to repair a relationship or solve a relationship issue here, you’re asking for help to navigate the sticky process of ending a marriage.

Back up any evidence you have. The more evidence, the better your chance of a smoother split or better terms. If you’re planning to divorce, talk to a divorce attorney. There is nothing to gain from confrontation. No explanation will satisfy. Do not make financial moves without consulting a divorce attorney. Be careful talking to friends and family until you discuss it with an attorney, unless you want to be talked out of it or have them warn him.

machelle33 −  This is a repeat of an old reddit story almost word fir word. Honest question- Why do people post old stories? What do they get from it? It’s happening more and more lately. 😮‍💨

NoHandBananaNo −  – DO NOT LET HIM KNOW.

– lawyer up. With a good divorce lawyer

– lawyer will probably suggest an accountant to go over your finances. – give them everything they need

– do everything they say re finances

– start lining up a divorce support team for your emotional support, eg find a good therapist you can trust, get the kids a child psychologist, identify TRUSTED close friends/family you will be able to talk to. – get an STD test

– oh yeah and get a new sitter, unilateral decision, get one from a reputable agency and start them spending time with your kids as soon as so the transition isnt hard.

AFTER you pull the trigger on the divorce, that’s when you get to ask why.

BobC813 −  [For all of you with that strange, “I’m sure I’ve read this before” feeling.. here it is]. F**k off, OP

Technical_Camel_3657 −  I guess I watch too much crime tv because I would feel real uncomfortable around those two. There’s a story in the area I live in right now where the husband and the nanny orchestrated the m**der of the wife by pretending she was on some fetish website and had a man come to their house.

Long story short, they made it seem like the online dude killed the wife and then the husband shot him but actually the husband killed the wife and was gonna blame it on the guy. They did all of this so they could be together but now they’re in jail for m**der and the wife is dead. I know that’s extreme but please be careful.

Do you think the Redditor is right in considering divorce, given the proof of her husband’s affair, or should she confront him first to seek an explanation? How would you handle a situation like this, especially when facing betrayal in your marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments below!