I [33f] read my husband’s [37m] journal and in it he says that he hates me and hopes I die.

A Reddit user shared the unsettling discovery of reading her husband’s journal, where he expressed hate toward her and even wished for her death during a rough patch in their marriage.

She left with their baby, sought therapy and legal advice, but is now grappling with whether these writings reflect deeper issues or were simply a form of venting. Read her full story below.

‘ I [33f] read my husband’s [37m] journal and in it he says that he hates me and hopes I die.’

My husband has kept a semi -regular journal throughout our 4 year relationship. He does not keep it hidden and up until now I have always respected his privacy. We had a heated conversation and my gut told me to read it so after he left for work, I did.

He wrote several times that he hates me and at one point he said when I was sick he hoped I would die. When I read those words I packed up me and our baby and went to a friend’s where I’m staying now. I took pictures of all the pages. I told him I just need some space to cool off after our conversation and I will be home soon.

I booked with my therapist and contacted a lawyer. We had a rough patch recently that lasted about two weeks. It was a dark time, but we pulled through. There was no violence, no moments where I was afraid of him, just sincere conversations about difficult feelings.

The notes of h**red correspond with that rough patch. The rest of the journal is tame and reflects the man I know and love- mostly little self pep-talks around work and family stuff, goals, habit tracking. He has sent me several warm messages since I left.

He says he’s glad I’m taking space for myself, that he looks forward to reconnecting when I come home, it’s ok to have little hiccups, that he loves me etc. I was sure our relationship was over the moment I read that he hates me (or even the moment I felt the need to violate his privacy)

but the warm messages and the rest of the journal have me wavering a little. I understand the need to blow off steam when things are tense, and journaling is a healthy way to do that. But never in even our darkest moments have I fantasized about his d**th. Splitting up maybe, but this feels so sinister.

I don’t know how I could ever feel safe around him again. Is this just healthy venting and I’m overreacting here? Has anyone else had similar thoughts about a spouse that they then got over? Or is this a man I need to protect myself and my baby from? If so, is there anything I’m missing?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Emiia −  With the context of your comment of how he wished you would die so he could replace you with the woman he has a crush on; please leave and don’t go back.

That is an unsafe line of thinking towards you and I fear for your safety. Look at Chris watts, look at Scott Peterson. Wishing your wife would die so you could be with your lover is NOT healthy or normal.

pinkelephants777 −  I spent 3 years with a man that secretly hated me, too. I discovered discord messages he sent to a stranger talking about how he couldn’t wait to kick me out, jokes about hitting me, really disgusting stuff. Once you read that, you can never come back from it.

[Reddit User] −  I know it’s really none of reddit business, but I believe that to give the right insight here, we need to know what that ruff patch was about.

callmezara −  The context of your fight is really important. Idk why anyone is defending him. Also like yeah privacy is important, but so is being faithful and honest on his part.

The faux outrage about reading his journal is a bit much, especially given the context of your initial fight. You’re making the right decision. I hope you stay safe and know you deserve better!!

been2thehi4 −  You know who also hated their wives and wanted them dead when they were having side pieces… Chris Watts and Scott Petersen….

Sandwitch_horror −  “Glad you are taking space for yourself” … the part he left out was “so that I can pursue the relationship with this other woman.

theficklemermaid −  I do think it is worse because of the context, it’s not just a random outburst, saying that he wishes you would die specifically so he could be with someone else really sounds more like the start of a plan. I would protect yourself by continuing with separation and avoiding being alone with him. So sorry you are going through this.

bigwhiteboardenergy −  “Research indicates that a woman’s intuitive sense of whether or not her partner will be violent toward her is a substantially more accurate predictor of future violence than any other warning sign.” – Lundy Bancroft

YokoSauonji12 −  Why are half of the comments defending him or at least going his way, like wtf?! tis is NOT normal, is your husband a p**cho?💀💀💀

Weebahoy −  Respectfully, GTFO. I don’t think you should be spending anymore time with this guy. Not just because of his writing but he sounds like he’s already given up on your marriage.. Good luck OP.. ✌🏾

This situation raises challenging questions about privacy, emotional expression, and safety. Was the husband’s journaling a harmless outlet, or does it reveal deeper issues in the relationship? How should the user balance her feelings of betrayal with her need for safety and clarity? Share your thoughts below!