I (33f) need to explain to my coworker (30m) I don’t want his company on the commute back home

A Reddit user (33F) is seeking advice on how to explain to her coworker (30M) that she doesn’t want to commute home with him, even though they take the same public transport. While the coworker often waits for her after work to travel together, the user doesn’t enjoy his company due to personality clashes, awkward conversations, and comments she finds patronizing or borderline sexist.

She wants to address the situation without hurting their professional relationship or creating tension at work, as she’s running out of excuses to avoid commuting with him.

‘ I (33f) need to explain to my coworker (30m) I don’t want his company on the commute back home’

I (33f) have a coworker (30m) that lives in the general vicinity of where I live so we use the same public transport for 90% of the commute back from the office. He tends to wait for me to finish work so we can catch the public transport and head home together and chat on the way home. That seems innocent enough, except for the fact I don’t like it at all.

We just never have anything meaningful to talk about, we work on different things and can’t even talk about work topics. Quite frankly I don’t like him as a person, and don’t enjoy his company at all. He’s a know-it-all sarcastic dude who seems to patronize me and his comments at times could be borderline sexist.

I need advice on how to get him to understand I don’t want to commute and spend time together without hurting the business relationship. I don’t care for him as a person at all, but also I don’t want to offend him and have him complain to HR and get me in trouble.

So far I’ve been making excuses each time to actually stay late at work under one pretext or another until he leaves and I can commute alone. I’d much rather travel alone with my headphones rather than with this dude. But I’m running out of excuses and would welcome your suggestions for a more permemant solution.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Ladyughsalot1 −  “Going forward I’ll be using my commute home to catch up on my reading, so please don’t wait for me”. Bring headphones. Use them. Don’t worry about being rude once you’ve made your wishes clear

DarkestofFlames −  Don’t worry about HR, if he complains about you to them because you won’t commute with him they’d tell him to leave you alone.

maincourse-ketchup −  I know most people will tell you to just be honest & clear & establish boundaries but for some people, it’s difficult to directly tell people things that could upset them. I don’t know what you have going on at home, but you could say,

you don’t want to be rude but you want to utilize the commute time to catch up on things you don’t have time to do at home. Maybe you can say, you’re in a ladies book club / podcast discussion group & you want to use the commute to catch up on these things?

mugworth −  Don’t make it about him, but rather say something like “Hey I’m going to start using my commute time to catch on reading/audiobooks/podcasts etc, so please don’t wait for me anymore. See you tomorrow!” I know it sucks to have to be direct and set a boundary but it’s not rude (even if it feels like it is) and if he has an issue with that, that’s on him, not you.

smoolnug −  “Hey from now on I’ll be commuting solo, so don’t wait for me. I need my quiet time after work” Being indirect and playing the uninterested game is not smart or effective. You have to be direct but polite about it

summertime_fine −  uh, he will not go to HR because you’re not spending your personal time with him. and if he does, they won’t do anything about it. next time he waits for you, just tell him not to. you don’t have to give a reason, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. “please don’t wait for me, I was planning on commuting home alone today, thanks anyways” and leave it at that.

if you’re not ok with being direct, start calling a friend or family member during your commute home so that your attention is focused elsewhere.

GigglyHyena −  Bust out the earphones. Audiobook. Become addicted to a mobile game. Just be as uninteresting as possible. You could even find something stress reducing to do that completely disconnects you for that 30 minutes (meditation, listening to a podcast, nature sounds, etc).

You don’t have to speak or interact with him. He has nothing to complain to HR about. Don’t even sweat it. He will get the hint and do his own thing as well. And start riding in a separate car. You aren’t required to be friends with people.

The-Flizzle −  Hey. Just want to let you know it’s been nice chatting with you on the commute home but I need some alone time. Thanks for understanding. Then if he pushes say you’ve got some things on your mind and find the transit a great time to clear your head.

moleratical −  “Sorry, I’m exhausted from work and I am really big introvert. Most days I just want to sit with my thoughts on the way home before I have to start up again and do X,Y&Z.
Occasionally conversations or questions are okay but I really need this time to recharge so unless it’s something extremely important,

I’d rather not have a conversation the whole way home.” This puts the reason on you and is a perfectly reasonable and sympathetic reason to not engage without insulting your coworker.

North_Sky_6563 −  Maybe say that because of your busy schedule you want to spend the commute talking to your father/mother/imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend as it’s your only time to catch-up?