I (32f) think that I have to break up with my fiancé (35m) after he embarrassed me in public over a sandwich

A Reddit user shared her heartbreaking story about how a public meltdown over a sandwich became the tipping point in her nine-year relationship with her fiancé. Despite years of escalating problems—ranging from lack of support at home to emotionally taxing holidays and poor communication—she always forgave him because of her love.

However, after he berated her in public, abandoned her at the sandwich shop, and blamed her for the situation, she’s questioning if this relationship is worth salvaging. Read the full story below to understand her dilemma.

‘ I (32f) think that I have to break up with my fiancé (35m) after he embarrassed me in public over a sandwich’

For starters, I think that there’s a lot of layers to this situation that makes it feel like this has to be the end. My partner and I have been together for over 9 years and honestly, the first 4-5 years were awesome. I had genuinely never felt this way about ANYONE in my life, but things started going south after that.

I started to realize that he always had an excuse for not helping me cook or clean the house no matter how much I begged and pleaded for help, he started making me feel like going to see my family was inconveniencing him (he makes snide remarks the whole time and just makes the entire trip miserable to the point of me crying.)

I know it might sound dumb, but I’ve even started having panic attacks because of how bad he makes the holidays. He doesn’t attempt to communicate in a healthy way, and it honestly feels like he waits until the very last moment until he’ll apologize (if he does.)

I’ve been on the ‘last straw’ mark for a few years now, but I always end up forgiving him because I mean, I love him. It’s kind of like the saying “when it’s great, it’s really great but when it’s bad, it’s really bad.” Okay, so now let’s move on to a few days ago when he lost his s**t in public over a sandwich.

We had the same day off, so we decided to run some errands and go to a sandwich shop for lunch afterwards. Honestly, the first half of the day was great, until it was time for lunch. We walked in and (because it was noon) the place was packed and unfortunately,

there was only one person working so we had to wait in line for about 20 minutes. Is it frustrating waiting in line that long? Yes, but I tried to make things as positive as I could because I know he gets irritated easily.

We kind of overheard the employee tell others in front of us, that some ingredients were either out completely or just had gone bad (it honestly could have been because of the hurricane outage the week before, we didn’t get hit horribly but some did lose power but I’m also not 100% sure on what was going on.)

Also, for a little backstory, I had an ex that worked at this particular sandwich chain, and he got me onto this sandwich that I’ve been eating since I was about 18-19 and I introduced it to my current fiancé, and we just always get the same thing any time we go there.

So FINALLY, it’s our turn and we get everything started: bread, meat, cheese and throw it in the toaster. She brings it out and I tell her the next ingredient, ‘lots of spinach.’ She looks at me and breaks the news that the spinach has gone bad. Bummer. But you know, whatever. It’s not the end of the world, right?

My fiancé standing next me goes, “ARE YOU F**KING SERIOUS?? DUDE F**K THIS S**T. SHE DID THIS S**T ON PURPOSE. WE’RE F**KING LEAVING. COME ON,” and then just storms out and leaves me standing in the shop while everyone in the entire place stops and is either watching the situation or is looking uncomfortable.

Just think of how you feel when you see a Karen in the wild… but it was MY PARTNER. (I just want to throw this little side note in here, I have EXTREME social anxiety as well and he is absolutely aware of the severity of it.)

So, I’m standing there and quietly tell the employee that he’s upset, and I think we might just head out and she hits me with a ‘nahhh, if you leave… I’m calling the cops.’ My anxiety gets even worse, THE COPS WTF. I look at my phone and my partner has texted me “get that food and we’re done.”

The cops AND I’m being broken up with?? I texted him that he left me in a bad situation, and he knows how bad my anxiety is and then the employee hits me with ‘I can’t believe you would come in here, know that we’re low on ingredients and then waste the little that we have.’ I mean, she’s right though.

I was seriously just going to get lettuce instead of spinach but now I’m standing there, being threatened by everyone for something that I didn’t even do. I get another text from my partner, ‘f**k it, find someone else to come and get you.’ Great, I’m now stranded here.

I finish building the sandwiches, pay, and try to hide behind my bag of food hoping that he’s still there and thankfully, he is. Unfortunately, he decided to take out his anger on me and for like 15 mins straight.

The whole ride home this man blamed me, told me that I’m not a ‘team player’ and that I ‘chose my side’ while screaming at me at the top of his lungs. I was bawlingggg. I haven’t spoken to him in like 3 days. He sent me a text about how sorry he was but I’m feeling fed up with all of it.

I also have a family event tomorrow that I guess I can’t make because he’s got the only vehicle, so I’m going to have to disappoint my family once again. Idk, I’m just stressed out and I’m not sure what to do anymore. If you’ve made it to the end of this, thank you for just letting me vent and if you have any advice, I would love to hear it.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

loloannd −  Girl, WHAT? It’s over. This is insane behavior. You really want this to be your life? Being SCREAMED at, threatened, belittled, disrespected? This grown man doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, makes you and your family feel like a burden, makes you cry A LOT.

I know you have anxiety. I assume confrontation is hard for you. But you NEED to do this for yourself. For your dignity. For your safety. The way he behaves is unacceptable. The way he spoke to you is unacceptable. And you never want to see him again. If you’re close with your family, give them a call.

I don’t know how far away you live from them, but if my sister called me and said she broke up with her fiancé and she was stranded and wanted to come to family dinner, I would drop everything and come get her. Doesn’t matter if the drive is twenty minutes or two hours.

Do not take him back. This is, at best, EXTREMELY toxic and immature behavior and at worst (and most likely) a**sive behavior that will escalate. I’m worried for your safety, tbh. I don’t think you should see him alone, in person again.

I am really mind-boggled that you don’t clearly see how wrong he is and how this is a bad relationship. But I know it’s hard to identify problems when you’re living in them. Don’t think that you’ve spent too much time with him, or invested too much to let him go.

That’s b**lshit. You’ve got so much time, so much life left to live. Staying with someone who’s bad for you is way worse than just being alone. Reach out to people who love you for support, stay away from this man, and flourish. Wishing you the best. ♥️

Drawn-Otterix −  I think this is a wonderful wake-up call telling you that you need to be done because this isn’t how you want to be treated by your partner.

SnooWords4839 −  Call your family, have someone pick you up and spend the weekend there.

KrofftSurvivor −  ALL of this is unacceptable. You are not responsible for his behavior, and the clerk – who had every right to be angry at him – had NO right to threatening YOU with the cops.. D**p him, but don’t go back there.

Do you know what the cops say when they get called out to a restaurant because someone has decided they don’t want an order because they were informed after the order began that an essential item is not in stock??? They say why the hell did you call us out here.. YOU did nothing wrong.

glitterfairykitten −  Please tell your family what’s going on, see if one of them can come get you. Chances are, they all hate this dude and they will happily get you free of him. He is a**sive. It might not seem that way to you, but he is. Once more, with feeling: HE IS ABUSING YOU.

Since your breaking point was about a sandwich, let’s look at my favorite sandwich analogy. Someone makes you a beautiful sandwich, like the kind you wanted to order. It’s perfect, right? With fresh spinach, even!

But then they put a steaming turd on top of that spinach, close the bread, and say, “Here ya go! Enjoy!” Are you going to eat that sandwich? Hell no. And that sandwich is your relationship.

It might seem perfect in a lot of ways, but there is some absolute s**t happening inside of it. Please stop eating the sandwich. You deserve one without s**t in it. We all do. I would rather be single forever than date a dude like your (hopefully soon to be ex) fiancé.

ladymorgana01 −  When I see the “when it’s good it’s good …” I know the rest is going to be toxic at best but most likely a**sive. Your fiancé is a**sive.

He’s isolated you, has you walking on eggshells, doing everything you can to appease him, and him still being volatile and verbally a**sive to you. Develop a plan to get out safely and then enjoy the peace

Goldman250 −  Complete side note from the obvious relationship problem – what the f**k kinda s**tty place threatens to call the cops on you for cancelling an order halfway through because you decided you didn’t want it after they revealed halfway through they were out of stock of an important ingredient?

You mentioned your area got affected by a hurricane last week, the cops are probably still busy sorting out that mess. Far too busy to come down to a sandwich shop and do what – arrest you for cancelling a food order?

Complete_Entry −  You can reject an mto sandwich, it’s not a contract. F**k your ex fiance and f**k that sandwich scammer. I once had a very nice sandwich artist make me a massive sandwich, I was super happy.

His manager walks up and makes him throw it in the garbage. She said to follow their portion chart. So on the remake I waited until the sandwich was done. She smirked at me, and I said “cancel my order.”. Then I left.

Mean_Environment4856 −  I also have a family event tomorrow that I guess I can’t make because he’s got the only vehicle, so I’m going to have to disappoint my family once again.

Pjck up your phone, explain to your family you need someone to come get you today so you can attend. Then when packing to ‘stay’ pack your important stuff and don’t go back.

sanguinare12 −  This isn’t the first time. The classic straw that breaks the camel’s back is not the first time, only the last. One could probably ask how many times he left you in tears, and you probably don’t have an easy answer unless it’s “too many”.

A relationship without drama is a rarity, but a relationship which is nothing but is far too common. You worry about disappointing your family tomorrow, but you should worry more about disappointing yourself.

Do you think the relationship’s long-term struggles and this recent incident are signs that it’s time to move on, or could they work through this with proper communication and counseling? How would you handle a partner who acted this way in public? Share your thoughts below!