I [30F] am a painter. MIL [66F] asked me to draw her for free. I refused. She’s badmouthing me.

A Reddit user, a professional painter, shared the situation involving her mother-in-law (MIL) who asked her to create a portrait for free. Despite offering a significant discount, the user refused to do it for free, citing that the free drawing she had previously done was a gift for her sister-in-law’s children.

In response, MIL became offended, accusing her of being a “gold-digger” and has been badmouthing the user to family members and on social media. The user is now unsure how to handle the situation, especially since her husband is currently away and unaware of the extent of the drama.

‘ I [30F] am a painter. MIL [66F] asked me to draw her for free. I refused. She’s badmouthing me.’

Title may seem like I’m an a**hole but I’m not. Let me put the background information out here: She has always been critical of my work and always considered it “not a serious job” and “only a hobby”. When I was dating my now-husband, she would always advise me to get a “real job” and do this on the side as she argued “I can never make enough to support myself doing this”.

At some point she said “you don’t want to be a welfare queen for the rest of your life”. To her disappointment actually I’ve been very successful in the past few years and make more then her son does right now. My SIL (her daughter) has 5-year-old twins and it was their birthday a few months ago. I offered my SIL to make a large drawing of the kids for free.

There was a lot of reasons for it. My husband and her sister are close and she’s always been very nice and helpful to us in every way possible, and is one of our best friends. I love her and her kids so I offered this and she accepted. MIL saw the drawing, apparently she liked it and asked me to do one of her and her husband.

She gave me some instructions about the size and I told her that I will get back to her with a quote. For what she requested I usually charge around $5000-7000 so it’s not a small thing. I usually offer 20% discount to friends so I was planning to give her that discount as well (I told her that she’d get 20% discount). She said “are you going to charge me for it?

I thought you’d do it for free like the one you did for [SIL]”. I told her that it’s not possible as that was a birthday gift for her children. She said “fine don’t do it then you so-called artists aren’t so different to gold-diggers”. I said “welfare queen to so-called artist is an upgrade, I’m flattered”. I left then. This happened a week ago.

Today I realized that she’s been badmouthing me to everyone for the past week. She is saying that she asked me for a favor and I gave her an invoice and requested payment beforehand. She is going on about how she would have moved heaven and earth for her in-laws and would have never asked for anything and that this generation have no respect and responsibility to their parents and went on and on and on.

She also posted stuff on Facebook about this, although without mentioning my name. How do I handle this? My husband hates family drama and is away right now at a conference where he as a lot of responsibilities. I don’t want to put this onto his plate as well. He knows about the initial conversation between me and MIL but not about her badmouthing me. He’ll be back in a week.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

audionautix −  You don’t really need to do anything. You can’t change her opinion without compromising your integrity. You don’t owe this woman ANYTHING. She sounds selfish, manipulative, and immature. You can’t stop her from talking. Let it go. If she didn’t support you then, she doesn’t get to reap the benefits now.

random955758 −  I said “welfare queen to so-called artist is an upgrade, I’m flattered”. Haha! Love it! I know how annoying it is when someone is badmouthing you and you have to just sit there and do nothing, but I think it would be the best course of action. No matter what you say, she’ll just find a way to hold it against you.

What I **would** do is make her son aware of it. Maybe wait until he’s back from that conference. Then let him handle the drama. It might be time to go no/low contact with her altogether for a while, as she seems to be seriously lacking respect for you.

myballstastenice −  If it is any consolation, if I had heard directly from her that you didn’t want to provide a painting for free to her and nothing else, I would still kind of imagine that was reasonable. I know (as I think most people do) that large paintings take a long time and know you can’t be giving them to people for free, willy-nilly.

Of course if she has sycophantic friends, they might immediately paint you as the bad one, but just know that not everyone would have the same opinion as they would. It sounds like she doesn’t want to have an actual discussion about it. You’ve already told her your view on it, so unless you want to argue about it, I don’t think that there’s much more that you need to do.

PostsWithFury −  Personally I wouldnt have anything to do with her. Why doesnt your husband tell her to f**k off for lying about you.. My husband hates family drama. I read this as: My husband doesnt stick up for me, hasnt got my back, and hates the thought of setting and enforcing boundaries with his overbearing h**py of a mother.

You need him to get his s**t straight on this. In the short term though you just let it slide. People who know what she is like will discount what she says anyway. Anyone worth caring about will at least wait to hear your side.

smacksaw −  I hope you don’t have a hot tub at your house! The way I see it you’ve got two choices. One is to do it and avoid drama and the other is to stand your ground. As someone in a similar situation (computer s**t), I just flat-out refuse being volunteered to fix anything for people. I simply tell them they can’t afford me and that if I give away my skills then it means they’re worthless.

Once you start giving your skills away it will never end. You may have to learn that lesson the hard way, but look at it like this: is it better to deal with a bunch of b**lshit on Facebook or deal with having to be an on-demand artist and keep turning people down and arguing?

[Reddit User] −  I am in this situation right now with an in law and he’s f**king me around. You were right to refuse. Basically he wanted something drawn up for him, I did it how he asked, he’s now claiming he never asked for it like the way I did it (despite having emails that say otherwise…) Anyway.

I would inform your husband of the situation anyway, it’s not your fault he now has extra stuff on his plate; it’s his mother’s. Stand firm and ignore the b**lshit. If anyone ever told me they were pissed off because someone wouldn’t do them a free painting I would think they were being totally unreasonable.

My parents pay me for paintings I do for them, lol. B**lshit family members love the idea that they can get something from you for free, real family members will pay you anyway.

moussey −  When anyone who’s heard her badmouthing asks you about it, sigh, shake your head and give a good natured chuckle. Then say, “yeah, that’s really not what happened. She asked me to do a $7000 job for free after denigrating my work for years, and got mad when I offered her the family discount instead.” Heave a beleaguered shrug, and change the subject.

strange_people −  Don’t stoop to her level. But maybe you can: Tell her you have customers who pay at the moment and you cannot afford to draw for free, as you are a avoiding to become a “welfare-queen”. People who talk bad about others behind their backs are not usually seen as noble. She will get her reputation when you, if asked, calmly “explain” the situation.

You are making a living out of your art, and as a family member, she should acknowledge that – also, that you are not obliged to draw her just because she suddenly wants you to. It is your time of your life – she has been resentful all the years – you are not obliged to spend your time (and thus money) on a disrespectful person.

Your husband should get your back. While he hates family drama, he can avoid it by telling his mother to back off and act respectfully towards you. Why do you have to “suck it up” all the time, to avoid the drama she creates with her hateful attitude?

gabbern −  work is work. you don’t go to a friend car-seller and request a free porsche. i use this metaphore when people try to do the same s**t to me.

[Reddit User] −  dime telephone simplistic hungry innate crown station drunk ossified overconfident