I (29M) finally proposed to my girlfriend (30F) of 10 years. So why do I feel so empty?

A man (29M) finally proposed to his girlfriend (30F) of 10 years after saving up for a ring, but the experience left him feeling unloved and empty. Despite his excitement, his girlfriend was disappointed with the proposal and suggested he redo it.

He admits that his poor planning — proposing on Christmas Day without much consideration for her ideal proposal — played a role in the letdown. Now, while they both want to get married, he’s left questioning why this long-awaited milestone feels so hollow. Read the full story below.

‘ I (29M) finally proposed to my girlfriend (30F) of 10 years. So why do I feel so empty?’

Finally built up enough savings to afford a proper ring (I do gig work so income is unsteady). Proposed Christmas Day despite numerous warnings from my female family members; felt a genuine need to pop the question. Proposed at home, girlfriend was taken aback, says “it happened so fast and was caught off guard.”

Overall, she’s disappointed with my proposal, but still says she wants to marry me. Admittedly, I should’ve taken more of what she wanted her ideal proposal to look like into consideration. Says I can make up for it by planning another proposal, so currently am. But at the end of it all, I feel so…unloved and empty.

Edit: I truly didn’t expect this many eyes to see this. Regardless, thank you everyone for the words, whether positive or negative. I really needed to hear all of it. At the end of the day, I realize I messed up royally by rushing the proposal and using Christmas Day essentially as a crutch for my poor planning. I can only hope to do better moving forward.

Update: More people have questions that I can’t respond to individually so I’ll answer the pressing ones.

-We both still want to marry each other

-Female family members advised against proposing on Christmas solely because it was Christmas. They felt that I should’ve picked any other day. Upon reflection, I should’ve listened

-It took 10 years for me to propose because my financial situation had never been stable; I thought this was the only time to take this opportunity to actually get the ring

-The proposal wasn’t the only gift, I truly thought it was going to be a good gesture though

I hope this clarifies things a little more, but I understand that not everything I said will be satisfactory for everyone. I you have more questions, feel free to DM me and I’ll answer your questions to the best of my ability.

Check out how the community responded:

LeanBeefDaddy −  Give us context here mate. What did she want out of the proposal? Also you are the only one who can answer your own question ngl.

castle-cam −  Question: do you actually want to get married?

swigbar −  So everyone told you that a Christmas proposal was a bad idea. You did it anyways and now you’re not happy. Surprise pikachu face?

Girl-in-mind −  From the other side. Maybe she feels undervalued and like you didnt put any effort in to it if you made her wait a decade for it …..

Lola-the-showgirl −  Unpopular opinion, but women shouldn’t just be grateful for any proposal they receive. Every post like this has a million comments from men and women along the lines of “What a terrible artificial person your fiance is! My husband proposed to me with a ring pop in front of the bathroom at my orthodontist, and I was never happier!”

You’ve been together for 10 years, you say she told you what her ideas were for a proposal. AND multiple women in your life warned you that your idea was terrible, which you ignored. I too would feel disappointed if after 10 years of being with someone, my explicitly expressed expectations were ignored.

Maybe all the other comments are right, maybe you feel empty because you learned your fiance is a social media obsessed artificial she-demon. Or, you feel empty because you wish you had listened to your fiance/all the women in your life and know you fucked up.

Lissypooh628 −  You’ve been together 10 years and had to save up to buy the ring, yet you still didn’t plan a proposal. You had 10 years. It seems like you did it because you felt you had to.

Adorable_Answer_6713 −  What warnings did your female family members give?

no12chere −  I got engaged on his birthday. He asked for a big picnic spread with all ‘our’ (my) favorite treats. I did hours of work and he got on one knee. I asked why he did that and he said ‘I knew you would do it exactly how you would want it to be done’.

So I did all the work and prep for my own proposal. It was exactly how the rest of our wedding and marriage went. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Ok-Inspection7155 −  Here’s the deal: proposing to someone and essentially pledging to do this life together is a big deal. On thing you want to do is make sure you consider one another when it comes down to it.

To a degree, it feels like you only considered yourself and just wanted to get it done, which I understand because I get excited about things and give presents early. This particular event needed you to pump the brakes and consider how she would like for a proposal to happen.

Have either of you talked about a proposal, what you both wanted? She has every right to feel like she got jipped, and you have every right to feel like she took the wind out of your sails. Two things can be true. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself if you considered her.

Because it seems more like you were just excited you saved up the money to buy the ring and you wanted to show off the accomplishment (which is a MASSIVE accomplishment). You got a little ahead of yourself, and I think you should go to her and ask to do a reset. It’s ok to have a do over.

The fact is no one should be really good at proposing or receiving proposals. With any luck, it’s the first time you’re both doing it. Make this a running joke and spend the next 60 years proposing to her at random times in random places. Make her blush. Keep the romance alive. You’ve got this, brother!

MountainGoat97 −  Why would you do it on Christmas? And why make a proposal you know your girlfriend wouldn’t like? Come on, brother. What’s going on?

Have you ever felt let down by a moment you thought would be joyous? Is it possible that mismatched expectations can hurt even the most loving relationships? Share your thoughts and advice below!