I [29M] don’t know if I should continue dating/marrying my girlfriend [29F] of 6 years after I realized she doesn’t intend to pay for anything related to our future family and house.

A Reddit user, who has been dating his girlfriend for six years, is feeling conflicted after a recent conversation about finances and future family responsibilities. His girlfriend, who now earns more than him, stated that her money is hers alone and that he should be the sole financial provider for their family, including covering her allowance and the expenses for their future child.

This expectation stems from advice she received from her mother about financial independence in case of future uncertainties. The user is now unsure whether he can continue in the relationship, as this dynamic is causing him stress.

‘ I [29M] don’t know if I should continue dating/marrying my girlfriend [29F] of 6 years after I realized she doesn’t intend to pay for anything related to our future family and house.’

We have been dating for 6 years, I have been supporting her throughout her studies ever since I got a job 4 years ago, and finally she graduated last year, and got a job in another country, and she is earning more than me now. Today we had a conversation about money, family, and commitments.

She basically told me that her money is hers alone to use, and I, being the guy, am supposed to pay for everything related to the family, including her allowance and expenses. Her argument is that her mum told her that a guy can easily cheat on the girl, leaving the girl with nothing, so she has to have her savings as a backup plan.

She also told me giving birth is a big enough sacrifice, so I should be the one supporting the child. Is it normal for a girl’s expectation to be like this? I’m really confused and I don’t know if I can handle supporting a family alone. This is really stressing me out. I mean, I don’t mind being the sole breadwinner,

but I probably need to earn 3x of what I do now to give my future child a good life. We have gone through a lot together, and we are a pretty happy couple. We rarely argue and always communicate with each other well, even though most of our relationship are long distance. We really enjoy each others company. But after what I learnt today, I don’t know what I should do.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

InvadedThoughts −  How has this not come up in 6 years? Edit: holy crap this comment blew up! Thanks for the award! It’s my first ^_^

OccamsWriter −  If she isn’t willing to help with anything then there is no future with her regardless of how much time you’ve been together or what you’ve gone through.. Time to d**p her a move on.

xadamatic −  how unfortunate you wasted 6 years of your life on someone so insane

[Reddit User] −  I stopped reading halfway through your second paragraph. DO NOT CONTINUE THIS RELATIONSHIP! I don’t say that because of the money, I say it because she is going to destroy you with her sense of entitlement. You think it’s bad now? Just wait until you are legally bound to her. I don’t care how happy you might be now – her attitude is a massive red flag, unless of course you are OK with being a human wallet.

sunflower1940 −  her money is hers alone to use, and I, being the guy, am supposed to pay for everything related to the family, including her allowance and expenses. I would have laughed in her face.

[Reddit User] −  If she’s worried about being left with nothing, sign a prenuptial agreement. That way she can have it in writing that if you cheat she gets half. Besides the fact that women usually automatically get alimony in a divorce, at least around these parts. But honestly, this sounds like a horrible situation for you.

I would not recommend marrying someone who is ALREADY DIVIDING UP “mine” and “yours,” especially when it appears that by her calculations “mine is mine and yours is mine.” People usually enter into a marriage with the very best intentions and hopes of sharing everything together.

I just have to say, and I hope this doesn’t come off sounding too harsh, but the fact that you’re asking if girls are normally like this makes me feel you might be a smidge naive. Have to lean towards guessing she’s going to use the heck out of you.

Expecto_nihilus −  A marriage is a partnership. Cultural norms and personal expectations aside, it requires sacrifice on both sides. So if she’s telling you off the bat she’s not pitching in, and that doesn’t sit well with you, then clearly you can’t build something stable and long-lasting on a flimsy uneven foundation.

One of two things should happen. 1) You use this as motivation and push forward and earn what you need to support her and any future children you may have, and live with the fact that her money is hers. 2) Decide that arrangement isn’t for you, because your expectation of a marriage is different and tell her what your expectations are, and part ways if this is going to be a deal-breaker for her.

Depending on the laws where you’re located assets may remain seprate in a divorce, but in the US if she’s making more than you and you part ways, her hard work may still go towards you in some form of support.

Good luck. Seems you really care about her, and I don’t want to presume to know anything about her based on this description, but if you’ve been through so much, she should have a better perspective on “what’s mine is yours,” especially if you’re on the path towards a union and not just fuckin around with dating anymore.

NYCQuilts −  The women in my family have the same “men will leave you hanging” attitude but that NEVER translated into making the man pay for everything. It meant never being a SAHM unless there was exigent circumstances, not living above your means and being an equal partner in household finances so that you always knew where the money is going.

For some it meant having a private emergency fund. It does not mean sponging off your partner for years with no expectations of eventual equality. You need to tell her that this is a disturbing thing to hear and that it suggests you have different ideas of what “partnership” means.

perhaps you need some premarital financial counseling to come up with something that assuages her concerns but doesn’t gouge you.. edit, a word. Edit: Thanks for the silver kind Reddittor!

avocadoclock −  Face it head on. “What you told me disturbed me and makes me uncomfortable. We need to talk about our expectations”. Sit down, talk calmly as best you can. Lay out what you’re looking for in a partner, and how she’s not meeting that standard.

steve_ow −  Wel marriage and kids it’s a team game. It’s sounds like you’re team is just u. It sounds like a red flag here. Maybe try and talk to her again about it. And stop paying for her stuff she makes 3 times wat u make so she can pay for it.

Do you think the girlfriend’s expectations about finances are reasonable, or is this a sign of deeper issues regarding mutual support in their relationship? How should the user approach this challenge without feeling overburdened? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!