I (29f) left my daughter’s father (34m) for choking me ?

A Reddit user, a 29-year-old mother, recently left her six-month-old daughter’s father after enduring verbal and physical abuse. Though he never fully hit her, his behavior became alarming with instances like headbutting and choking, especially when he was drinking. Despite his remorse and promises to change, she is torn about whether she should consider reconciling, even if he seeks counseling.

She wants to believe in second chances, but the physical abuse weighs heavily on her decision. For more details on her dilemma and advice from others, read the full story below…

‘ I (29f) left my daughter’s father (34m) for choking me ?’

I (29f) left my six month old daughter’s father (34m) because he was verbally abusive, and physically. He has never hit me but he has headbutt me (even though it wasn’t super hard but still alarming) and choked me while he was drinking. He is very generous and had his sweet moments but he would have a temper when he drinks.

He also had a way about him where he wanted things done his way and would call me stubborn for doing things differently or snapping at me. Threatening to end the relationship. Whenever he would snap, he would smoke weed, calm down and apologize. It was a cycle. He seems remorseful that he lost me and his daughter and says he wants to change,

so I told him the only way I would ever consider getting back with him is if he did counselling, but a part of me feels like I shouldn’t ever consider it although I feel badly for him. He says he is the way he is due to his upbringing. I believe in second chances when a person does the inner work and wants to change, because no one is perfect.

I’ve heard of people changing and relationships going on to being successful after the work is done. But a part of me wonders if I should ever go back because he put his hands on me. I’m sort of conflicted and would like to hear some input or experiences that can help me make a sound choice?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Piilootus −  Absolutely NEVER go back. The odds of this man killing you have gone up massively since he put his hands on you (specifically because he choked you). Abusive relationships becoming not abusive is incredibly rare.

It’s so much more likely that this man will kill you than he’d change and be a better partner. Never be alone with him again, go to court for custody, the whole works. He is not a safe partner and he is not a safe father.

mrs-poocasso69 −  Once your partner strangles you, they are 750% more likely to kill you. Please stay away, for yourself & your baby.

littleoldlady71 −  Nope. Nope. Nope.. That is all.

daffodil-baby −  You’ve already made the correct choice, don’t start second-guessing yourself. This relationship should be over now.

Kylou8 −  Don’t go back! He is manipulating you!! If you go back, he will do it again.

techramblings −  You should never return to someone who has physically abused you. Lots of people have s**tty upbringing; that does not mean they all abuse their partners. Blaming his upbringing is an excuse to try to justify his own behaviour. Don’t fall for it.

If you look at the stats, choking is one of the most often-quoted ‘starters’ for abusers who then go on to m**der their partners.. Please don’t be another statistic. You say you have a daughter: if you go back, what sort of example are you setting for her?

That it’s okay for men to abuse their partners, and that she needs to accept abuse in her own relationships in the future. If she were in the position you are in now, having just left an abusive partner, what would you advise *her* to do?

brilliant_nightsky −  Strangulation is very, very serious and usually the perps end up killing someone. You need a protective order immediately and go no contact forever. Look up the statistics.

annaflixion −  My mother left my father when he tried to strangle her. Do NOT go back. As others have said, there is no bigger indicator of risk than choking. The chances of him killing you just skyrocketed. Do right by your daughter. Show her women do not go back to men who put hands on them. Show her how to be a strong woman.

Spoonbills −  Choking means he’s willing to kill you and knows how.

anonymousgirl283 −  Sounds like he isn’t in therapy so this is a moot point. It’s like you’re actually looking for any reason to go back and I have no idea why. You need to get into therapy yourself.

Do you think the user should consider giving her partner a second chance if he’s willing to work on himself, or is the physical abuse a dealbreaker no matter what? How would you handle a relationship where physical safety and emotional well-being are at risk? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!